Pointless Ponderings And Useless Wisdom

Joke for the day: Fidel Castro, Hugo Chavez, and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad are walking down the street in downtown Miami. They disappear, and are never heard from again.


Hey, I thought it was funny.

Pointless Ponderings And Useless Wisdom

If you’re ever attacking the Death Star, and you have to decide whether to use your targeting computer, or turn it off and use the Force, let me offer this suggestion: Use both of them, 'cause, let’s face it, you’re no Luke Skywalker.

Pointless Ponderings And Useless Wisdom

I once knew a girl who would complain all the time about how her boyfriend would never satisfy her orally. She was really bothered by it. I offered my condolences, and finally, I offered to help her out in this area, for a nominal fee. I never saw her again after that. I guess there’s no pleasing some people.

Pointless Ponderings And Useless Wisdom

It doesn’t matter what you look like on the outside, whether you’re white, or black, or sasquatch even, as long as you follow your dream, no matter how crazy or against the law it is. Except for sasquatch. If you’re sasquatch, the rules are different. - Meatwad

“It’s Going To Be A Hot Summer In The Middle East”

So says Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the welterweight Iranian President and Bronson Pinchot look-a-like who just can’t seem to leave the Jews alone. "We hope that the hot weather of this summer will coincide with similar victories for the region's peoples, and with consequent defeat for the region's enemies," Ahmadinejad added, in an apparent reference to Israel.
So is this a hint of things to come, or just another pathetic attempt at threatening us? I don’t know. Here’s another question I don’t know the answer to: why is this little prick still sucking down air? If ever there was a poster boy for repealing the prohibition on assassinating foreign leaders, this guy is it.

Pointless Ponderings And Useless Wisdom

Q. If 24 hour convenience stores are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and never close, then why do they have locks on the doors?


A. It’s in case the zombies come. When the zombies come, you have to lock the doors, even if you’re still open, because zombies rarely have any money.

Is Hillary More Manly Than Edwards?

I always thought so, and apparently, Mrs. Edwards agrees. At least now we can tell what constituencies each of the Dem candidates is trying to court. Obama is obviously going after the minorities, Hillary’s after the women, Edwards is after the flaming homosexuals, and Kucinich is, apparently, after the space aliens who accidentally crashed at Roswell in 1947 and haven’t figured out how to get home yet.

Pointless Ponderings And Useless Wisdom

Everyone knows that if you see Rosie O’Donnell naked, you go blind for the rest of your life. But, if a blind man reads a Braile description of her naked, will he lose his sense of touch?

Man survives pickup rolling over his head

HOUSTON — A 71-year-old man was taken to a Houston hospital by ambulance yesterday after a pickup truck he was working on ran over his head, fire officials said.

At about 11:30 a.m., the Houston Fire Department received a report of a motor vehicle accident. But it turned out that Congressman L. Ron Paul, Representative of Houston’s 14th District, was working beneath a three-quarter ton pickup truck trying to fix it when the vehicle suddenly rolled. A wheel went over his head and shoulder, Houston Fire Lt. Ed Smith said. "But he's in great shape," Smith said.

When the rescue squad arrived to the Millway address, they found the man smoking a cigarette with his staff. He had a tire track across his head, significant "road rash" and a missing patch of hair to prove he had been under the wheel.

Tests done at St Joseph Medical Center revealed no internal injuries. He did require some plastic surgery on his ear, Smith said.

"It was really unbelievable," he said. "He’s lucky that truck rolled over his head. It could have hit a vital area of his body instead, and then he would’ve been a goner. Someone was looking out for him."

The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same

This cartoon appeared in Life magazine in 1918. It’s sometimes easy to forget that the surrendercrats* have been with us for a long, long time. They were with us in the Civil War, they were with us during the American Revolution. Hell, if you watch 300, you’ll see they were even around during the time of the ancient Greeks. Defeatism is an easy fall-back position for people who suck. When losing is all you know how to do, it’s kind of hard to visualize an alternative strategy.

*Note that I’m not specifically referring to the Democrats here, although they do tend to make up the majority of the modern Surrendercrat Party.

Edwards Returns To 2004 Campaign Theme

Democrat Presidential candidate John Edwards has returned to his 2004 campaign theme of "Two Americas."

Because it worked so well the first time around.

Global Cooling Now?

I’m not even going to make any jokes about this article. Why? Because I take this one seriously. Its very evidence based. There’s no hysteria, no moralistic self-flagellation, and no arguments that this potential problem requires that we switch over to a socialist, command and control economy ruled by Algore.

Don’t Let The Door Hit You In The Ass On The Way Out”

In a not so stunning development, New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg has left the Republican Party, switching his political tag to “Unaffiliated”. Some are seeing this as an attempt to position himself for an independent (translation: doomed) run at the presidency in 2008, although many concede that this may be simply the first move in a gradual shift over to the Democrat Party, a move that would leave the average IQ of both the Republican and Democrat Parties significantly higher.

Thompson Takes The Lead

In news that is stunning to literally no one (except maybe the 1 or 2 percent who are pulling for Ron Paul), Former Senator Fred Thompson has pulled ahead of Former Mayor Rudy Giuliani in the latest Rasmussen polls, leading 28% to 27%. Although caution should be taken with such a narrow lead, it is telling that Thompson can pull ahead of Giuliani at all, considering he hasn’t even officially announced yet. Filling out the top four are McCain and Romney with 10% each, both of who should probably just pack it in at this point.

When Hamas and Fatah go to war, who wins?

You. The viewing Audience....
You gotta love how the Middle East's version of the Crips and the Bloods decided to go to war with each other to control a putrid, jew-baiting barely-there people.

Edwards Wants Probe of High Salon Prices

Democratic presidential hopeful John Edwards says a wave of mergers in the cosmetology industry should be investigated by the Justice Department to see what impact they have had on soaring hair-styling prices.

During a campaign stop in Silicon Valley Thursday, Edwards planned to berate the beauty industry for "anticompetitive actions" and outline a make-over plan he says would reduce oily hair "and get us on a path to be virtually dandruff-free within a generation."

YES!!

He's going to do it! He's really going to do it! Finally, I have a candidate that I can get behind without having to hold my nose! I can already feel myself starting to get interested in politics again.

UPDATE:
Fred Thompson has officially quit Law & Order

We’re Back….

And so is Bill Whittle, with another of his stunningly brilliant two-part essays. Only this time, he’s released both parts simultaneously, so no waiting for the finale. You can tell it’s a great piece because it actually motivated me to get off my lazy ass and post something for a change.

Official Policy Statement

It is the avowed and official policy of Castro Burn In Hell that we will NOT link to The Daily Kos, the Democratic Underground, or The Huffington Post (except to entries by Greg Gutfield). There are just way too many strange and unnatural mental illnesses on the loose at those places, and we do not wish to risk contamination, either of ourselves, or of our two or three readers.

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