Thursday, March 29, 2007


In a Hamilton County Courtroom today, it was revealed that the male defendant Alexander Cross, who has been charged with molesting a teen, is actually a woman. The woman was originally named Elaine Cross, but legally changed her name to Alexander. It wasn’t realized the defendant was a woman until ten days after her arrest, when she was recognized as such while taking a shower in the jailhouse. She was promptly removed to the female section of the jail.

Cross was arrested for performing oral sex on a fifteen year old girl, who then fell in love with her, thinking that she was a he. Imagine the young girl’s surprise.

On a related note, Cross has been receiving support from the Gay and Lesbian Alliance.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

See, I always thought it was wrong to beat your wife. That’s what I was taught, that’s what the law says, and that’s what I believe to be true. So, imagine my surprise to discover that all this time I had thought wrong, at least according to Islam. Not only is it ok to beat your wife, but there are actually even a set of rules you’re supposed to follow in doing so. Don’t believe me? Just watch this video from Memri TV, a website that offers English translations for Middle Eastern television broadcasts. I was especially interested in the part where it’s stated that a woman is not merchandise and that a man can’t do anything he wants to her. Is that a recent change in Islamic philosophy, or is this man just mistaken?

Tuesday, March 27, 2007


When I'm feeling down, there's just one thing that can cheer me up, and that's my Bananaphone.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

The Road To Eurabia

I’ve been wondering which European country would be the first lemming over the cliff when it came to adopting Muslim sharia law. Well, apparently it’s Germany, which sucks, because I had fifty bucks on Norway. Anyways, it seems a woman judge in Germany has refused to grant a divorce to a Moroccan-born Muslim woman, who was suing for divorce on the grounds of physical and mental abuse. According to the judge, who I remind you is female, the Koran says its okay for a husband to beat his wife, even though the laws of the German jurisdiction they live in state that doing so is illegal. In other words, this judge just ruled not only that Islamic law has jurisdiction in Germany, but that it also trumps German law if the parties involved are Muslim. This is the logical conclusion of liberal multi-culturalism: different laws for everyone based on whatever crackpot cultural or religious beliefs they happen to have, all in the name of not offending other cultures. So how long before a Muslim gets away with killing a non-Muslim, say, a Jew, on the grounds that the Koran says it’s okay to kill an infidel? Go ahead and laugh, but this is Germany here. You know their track record with Jews. It ain’t pretty.

P.J. O’Rourke had a great description of liberalism, and I paraphrase (because I’m too lazy to go look up the exact quote): Liberalism is a dog chasing it’s own tail that finally managed to catch it, and has now eaten it’s way up to the back of it’s own head. It looks like Germany just worked its way up to the nose, and will soon disappear altogether

It’s Hard Out Here For A Gangsta

Governance isn’t as easy as it looks, apparently. The Dems had to withdraw their little DC voter bill because of pressure from the Republican minority. The handful of newly elected conservative Dems are siding with the Republicans in trying to abolish the DC handgun prohibition. Stretch Pelosi is running around futilely trying to garner support for her “Pull the troops out and surrender” bill. What’s a gangsta to do?
Here’s your first clue: don’t pander to every interest group under the sun in order to get elected. Sure, it may get you into office, but once you’re there, all of those mutually contradictory groups are going to expect mutually contradictory results. Good luck trying to please everybody, suckers!

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

An Interesting Definition Of The Word “Stifle”

NASA Scientist James Hansen claims that he was “stifled” by political pressure from the Bush Administration into not giving an interview to National Public Radio on the subject of Global Warming™. Hansen is a believer in the theory that increased CO2 in the Earth’s atmosphere will do everything from raise global temperatures to make little kittens cry, and he believes that this is why he was ordered not to do the interview by his superiors, who are Bush appointees.
The main problem with this theory of his is that he’s given over 1400 interviews on the subject. Here’s an idea: maybe his superiors got tired of seeing and hearing him on TV and Radio constantly. 1400 is a hell of a lot of interviews. Or maybe they were just trying to get him to put in an honest day’s work for a change, instead of gallivanting around the talk show circuit like some media-whore. Anyway, I’m sure all those political prisoners locked up in Castro’s jails for speaking out against the Cuban Regime feel a great sympathy for Mr. Hansen. He’s a man who truly understands what it means to suffer for one’s beliefs.

Note: Notice how I managed to squeeze Castro into that story. We’re not called Castro Burn In Hell for nothing.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Who Says They Deserve A State?

It’s been said by someone much wiser than myself (and I fully agree with this statement) that you can tell a lot about a society by the way it treats its most defenseless members. If this is true, then what are we to make of this photo of a young Palestinian child dressed up as a suicide bomber by her parents? The original caption on this photo was “Have you seen the new child martyr who will soon shake Israel (to the core)?”

Al Gore Challenged To Debate

Former Presidential wannabe Al Gore has been called out. Lord Monckton, a former political advisor to Margaret Thatcher, has challenged him to an internationally televised debate on Global Warming™. Monckton calls on the former Vice President to "step up to the plate and defend his advocacy of policies that could do grave harm to the welfare of the world's poor. If Mr. Gore really believes global warming is the defining issue of our time, the greatest threat human civilization has ever faced, then he should welcome the opportunity to raise the profile of the issue before a worldwide audience of billions by defining and defending his claims against a serious, science-based challenge."
The current Vegas Line on whether or not Al Gore will actually risk accepting this challenge is 500,000,000,000,000,000 to 1 against.

Study Finds One Third Of DC Illiterate

The number would have been lower, but the study included congress in the average.

Sunday, March 18, 2007


This is both brutal and brilliant.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Smelly Hippies Stink Up Lincoln Memorial, Pentagon

Hundreds of smelly hippies, self-absorbed socialists, potential terrorists, and sixties rejects who STILL haven’t found a career braved Global Warming™ induced near-freezing temperatures to gather today in Washington DC for a peace march from the Lincoln Memorial to the Pentagon. The march was followed up with a rally in front of the Pentagon featuring speeches from washed-up (but un-bathed) communists, al-Qaeda apologists, Herve Villechaize impersonators, and other moral degenerates. It is generally assumed that the speeches made at this rally were against the war effort, but this is difficult to confirm due to the rambling, incoherent speaking style of every single one of the speakers, as well as their general inability to stay on-topic.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Time To Clean House At The FBI

The Federal Bureau of Investigation has released a notice warning that “extremist groups” (gee, I wonder who that could be) have signed up to be school bus drivers. Then they turn around and say “But there’s nothing to be concerned about.” The bureaucrats at the FBI should be worried about it: their track record with these sorts of things is not exactly stellar, and they’ve been cozying up to extremist groups like CAIR a hell of a lot lately. Can you imagine what would happen if some of these Islamo-fascist monsters managed to hijack a school bus full of kids and create a hostage situation? Or just blow it up? School busses get special access to places like government buildings and national monuments. A schoolbus packed with ANFO and a bunch of unsuspecting kids would make a very inconspicuous, and very deadly, weapon.
Personally, I think we all need to stop counting on the government to keep us safe (not that I do). They’ve already shown many times that its just not that high a priority to them. They’d rather use our hard earned tax dollars to fund some faggot artist drawing pictures of Jesus banging a bunch of midgets in a hot tub full of warm Jell-o, then actually commit any of that dough to keeping us safe. A Muslim walks into a Jewish center with a pistol and shoots up the place, and that’s not terrorism. A Muslim drives an SUV into a crowd of people in a Jewish neighborhood in SF, and that’s not terrorism. A Muslim with connections to al-Qaeda goes on a shooting spree in DC, sniping with virtual impunity, but that’s not terrorism. But we’d be hearing about it if it was some white-supremacist, Neo-Nazi douche bag organization. We’re always re-fighting the last war. The Neo-Nazis are irrelevant and marginalized. Their about as dangerous as the Wobbles. But we’ll keep jumping at imaginary threats, while dangerous men with evil intent threaten us with impunity, because we lack the courage to risk offending their co-religionists.

And it goes without saying, if you have school age kids, drive them to school yourself.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed’s Claims “Exaggerated”

It turns out that some of the claims made by captured terrorist Khalid Sheikh Mohammed were exaggerations of the truth, officials revealed today. Mohammed was indeed key to some plots, but was only a bit player in others, and indeed, may have not been involved in some of the plots alleged. Some of the claims he made that were exaggerated or erroneous include:

Was one of the hijackers onboard United Flight 93

Fired the fatal shot from the grassy knoll that killed President John F. Kennedy

Was involved in the planning of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor.

Helped co-ordinate the assassination of President Abraham Lincoln

Helped recover alien wreckage from Roswell, New Mexico in 1947.

Was the real fifth Beatle

Discovered the planet Mars

Was the real inspiration for the film “Love Story”

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Hair Club For Terrorists

While in custody in Guantanamo, terrorist mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed has revealed his secret formula for back hair growth. Working with top scientists from Helsinki, Khalid has developed a formula that promises a lusher, fuller swath of hair, not only on your back, but also your chest, legs, arms, ears, nose, crotch, and behind. So stop worrying about inferior coverage of your gorilla region. Call Khalid today for a free sample. After all, he’s not just the president of Hair Club for Terrorists, he’s also a member.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Molan Labe

If you take but one thing from this site today, or ever, let it be this: Go see 300. It is an awesome spectacle, with a great moral truth at it’s core: It’s better to die on one’s feet than to live on one’s knees. Plus, you’ve gotta love any movie that pisses off the Iranians so much. Be warned, though: It’s not for the squeamish or the faint of heart. There is violence, blood and gore, hacked-off limbs and heads, and nudity (and “dudity”, too). Read Victor Davis Hanson’s review Here.

The Big Rich Dope

“I’m Scared we’re not going to make it” billionaire venture capitalist John Doerr said today. He wasn’t talking about his latest venture, or even the fate of his country in the war on terror. He was talking about Global Warming™. It just goes to show that you don’t have to be smart to be rich. Imagine the shear hubris it must take to live in the modern, developed world, taking advantage of all the opportunities that birth in such a world provides, to ascend to a lifestyle unknown to all but a few dozen people in the world, and then using that lofty position to decry how dangerous is the very development that allowed him to attain such glorious heights. Just one more rat-bastard who got his pile of gold, and now wants to change the rules so that no one else can get theirs.
Make no mistake; modern environmentalism is a rich country’s game. It is the poor of the world who will pay the price for our attempts to stifle development.

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Too Many Shots To The Head?

The elite scientists and researchers at the noted technical journal Sports Illustrated have released a warning to all of us lesser educated dunderheads that the planet is undergoing an environmental crisis due to Global Warming™. We can expect additional warnings shortly from TV Guide and Crossword Magazine.It’s good to know that all the guys who majored in Lacrosse in college are finally doing their part to save the world. Now if we could just do something about ManBearPig.

Feds Seek To Gag DC Madam

I could be wrong about this (it’s happened plenty of times before), but somehow, I suspect that a disproportionately large number of the representatives that would be named by this madam are Democrats. Why? Because if they were Republicans, we would already know all their names, along with all the intimate details of what happened. We can’t allow Democrats to come under that kind of scrutiny, can we?

Thursday, March 1, 2007

Nuttier Than Ten Pounds Of Almonds In A Five Pound Sack

I always love it when high profile (or relatively high profile, as it were) moonbats combine what are normally specialized pathologies into one grand theory. In this case we have the former Canadian Defense Minister combining global warming hysteria with belief in the extraterrestrial space brothers, in the hope that climate catastrophe can be averted with the help of the alien technology that our government supposedly recovered from the supposed crash at Roswell, New Mexico back in 1947.
Do you think he’s a 9/11 Truther, too? That’d be awesome, because maybe we can get him to claim that if the government really wasn’t responsible for 9/11 as they claim, they’d use their captured alien technology to go back in time to prevent it from happening in the first place. Or better yet, maybe he could claim that the government USED alien technology to cause 9/11.
Ah, if only the government would use that alien technology to come up with more effective anti-psychotic medications, we might be able to rid the world of the Democrat Party once and for all…