Monday, October 30, 2006

School's Out Forever!

A Madrassa (Muslim religious school) in Pakistan was destroyed today, killing 80 terrorist savages. Reports are still sketchy as to who exactly carried out the attack, with some saying it was Pakistani helicopters, others saying it was U.S. Predator drones, and everyone else claiming it was the Zionist-Pig-Dog-Infidel Jews, of course. Rumors are also flying that the target of the attacks was Zawahiri himself. There are even rumors that he was killed, but the usual 48 hour rule applies here. Personally, I hope it WASN’T our guys who did it. Why, you ask? Because of this sentence:
“Most of the compound was destroyed.
"Most? MOST?! What is this most crap? I’m an American. I pay my taxes. I get up every morning and haul my ass to work, day in, day out. I expect ALL of it to be destroyed, every last molecule. And then, after the explosions, when all the surrounding terrorscum are gathering around to seethe and bitch around the ruins about how the infidels have killed their loved and beloved pet goat, and dragging out their protest signs, conveniently printed in English for the American media, even though the only people within fifty miles of the place who can even read English are the al-Reuters reporters that have been embedded with the terrorists so as to get up to date Democrat talking points straight from Osama’s mouth, as well as to keep the terrorists properly felated, I want Muhammad al-Muhammadadmamisboombah, or whatever the hell his name is, to look up into the sky, and see the beautiful sight of a fuel/air bomb gently wafting down from the clouds on it’s delicate silk parachute. And I want that to be the last image he ever sees in this life, as this magnificent example of American ingenuity consumes and vaporizes all. Especially the al-Reuters people. And that burning, consuming flame should be a brief foretaste of the flames that burn, but don’t consume, that they will then experience for all eternity.
Or something like that.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Next Space Tourist To Launch In March

Space Ventures Ltd of Vienna, VA, has announced that it’s next space tourist will launch in March. The lucky tourist, Dennis Kucinich of Ohio, will be only the fifth customer launched into space by the company. Kucinich, who was selected from a group of applicants, expressed great excitement over his upcoming journey, stating “At long last I can escape this miserable prison of a planet and be amongst my people once again. It is a great day for me, a great day for my people, but it will be an even greater day for Earth, when I return at the head of a fleet of heavily armed Zebulonian warships. Conquest!”Although he will be helping with science experiments and some menial tasks during the eight-day trip, Kucinich said he will be spending a lot of time just hanging out, observing, taking pictures, looking out the window for the arriving mothership, and just generally plotting out the upcoming enslavement of the human race.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Trivia Question

Q.: Why did the French police officer cross the road?

A.: Because he was being chased by 60 Muslim 'youths' wielding crowbars and Molotov cocktails.

Yeah, That'll Work

The French government has assigned police to guard buses in immigrant (read: Muslim) neighborhoods around Paris. This is believed by the French to be a good method of curbing the escalating violence in these areas. OK, now for the follow up question: who’s going to guard the French police?

Foley Style Fiction

So, it looks like Jim Webb has some rather interesting skeletons in his closet. As a fiction author, his books have some seriously twisted sex scenes, involving strippers, the use of a vagina to slice a banana, and of course, that ultimate Homorabia crowd pleaser, older men performing oral sex on underage boys. How much do you want to bet that Mark Foley has ALL his books?Webb is fighting a tough race against George Allen (R-Macacarabia), and is behind in the polls. If he were running in a blue state this wouldn’t be a big deal; after all, he’s a Democrat, and things like this just prove he’s one of them. The only way he could alienate himself from the left would be to appear to be pro-America. The problem is, he’s not in a blue state, he’s in Virginia, which is traditionally a very conservative state.He’s done. Stick a fork in him.

Can It Be True?

Rumors are flying about our good friend Fidel again. The word is, he has untreatable stomach cancer, and may be near death. This, of course, assumes that he isn’t already dead. We’ve heard this kind of rumor before. In fact, the most recent round of this game was what inspired the creation of this particular blog (or, at least it’s name, anyway). The details around this rumor are different this time, however. It seems the Cuban government is ramping up for a big funeral, modeled after the funeral of Pope John Paul II, which they hope to have broadcast worldwide. As if Castro deserves such an honor. A more fitting funeral would involve wrapping him in saran wrap, and then dumping him out the back of a Jeep Cherokee while cruising down I-95 at 85 mph, drinking a tall cold one, and listening to an infinite loop tape of “Ding Dong, The Witch Is Dead” performed by Ted Nugent with an all exile chorus.In any case, we will endeavor to keep our imaginary readers up to date on this glorious story.

French Buses Spontaneously Combust

Four French buses burst into flames yesterday in an apparent case of spontaneous automotive combustion, a phenomenon occurring more and more frequently in that part of Europe. Most experts agree that this is probably an example of poorly manufactured equipment malfunctioning explosively, and have called for an investigation of the companies involved, as well as the general elimination of capitalism, which is obviously to blame. Some extreme right-wing conspiracy theorists have pointed to the fact that these incidents tend to take place in predominately Muslim neighborhoods and often occur near large groups of Muslim ‘youths’ who just happen to be carrying Molotov Cocktails as evidence of this being an Muslim uprising. Clearly, this is impossible, as Islam is a Religion of Peace©, and its followers would never commit this sort of violent act.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

The Chinese--Keeping their priorities in order

Sorry, haven't been posting recently, school, work all that stuff that catches one's attention every now and again. Here is a link to a video of Chi-Coms shooting unarmed Tibetans fleeing in the snow. Their Crime? Wanting to see the Dali Lama. Keeping the spirit of the Glorious worker's paradise humming, no doubt even as they suck money out of Capitalist trough.

Israeli warplanes in 'incident' with German ship

I don't know about you, but if I was Jewish, and I saw some armed Germans nearby, I might get a bit of an itchy trigger finger, too. The Germans need to calm down about this. They’re already up by 6 million. The Israelis have a LONG way to go before they catch up.

Do The Curtains Match The Drapes?

Democrats are so convinced that it’s curtains for the Republican majority in congress, that they’ve already begun working up their post victory governance plans. Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Homorabia) says that when she’s speaker she can “have any suite I want”, and has already mapped out her first hundred hours. Charlie Rangel (D-Arkham Asylum) is already booking speaking events about his upcoming tenure as chairman of Ways and Means.The President sees things a little differently. "The Democrats have made a lot of predictions. Matter of fact, I think they may be measuring the drapes," Bush said yesterday. "If their electoral predictions are as reliable as their economic predictions, Nov. 7th is going to be a good day for the Republicans." Personally, I agree with the President; it ain’t over till the fat lady sings, and, as scary as Nancy Pelosi is, she’s not very fat. Don’t expect to be doing too much singing on election night, Nancy. I’m predicting the Donks gain 12 in the House, and 3 in the Senate. It’ll narrow the Republican’s majority, but won’t be enough to hand it over to the Donks.
Of course, I could be wrong. Charlie Rangel says that if the Donks don’t take congress this cycle, he’s resigning. (Yeah, right, like that’ll ever happen.) I say, if the party of cut and run takes congress, I solemnly swear to stock up on as much ammo as I can for when the troops come home and the terrorists follow. Now THAT’S a promise you can bank on.

Homorabia Declared

In a stunning (or not) announcement, the New Jersey Supreme Court today decided that buggery is now legitimate grounds for marriage. Expect homosexuals from all over the country to flock to NJ like a Muslim to an IED. Hopefully they stay there. The real question is how this will affect the Democrats in the future. This is a ruling that will clearly be associated with them, and their newest and fastest growing constituency, namely, Islamic terrorists who want to behead us all, will not take kindly to this. They tend to condemn homosexuality (even as they practice it secretly), and we all know what happens to things condemned by Muslims. Think Highlander. In any event, the editorial staff here at Castro Burn in Hell stands by it’s belief that, when it comes to combinations in marriage, there can be only one: Man+Woman.

OK, so this probably isn't worth an update, but it occurs to me that Tony Soprano may not take too kindly to this either.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

But Brute Force May Be The Right Answer Anyway

This news article on points out comments from US military officials that if forced to engage in a second war, we might have to rely on brute force, as most of our precision weapons and the systems meant to support them are tied down in Iraq. This would result in more collateral damage, and thus more civilian casualties.Is that such a bad thing?The biggest problem we have in Iraq right now may well be that while we promised ‘shock and awe’, we ended up delivering ‘aw shucks’. It may have seemed more civilized to limit the collateral damage as much as possible to stay on the good side of the local population, but it left the terrorists with the undeniable image of an ineffectual power that lacked the will to use its own weapons to their best advantage. A little more bloodshed early on may have prevented a lot more bloodshed now. But then, anyone who studies military history knows that’s a universal truth. In any event, bombing North Korea back to the stone age and then nuking the rubble may be just what the doctor ordered to make our enemies.(as well as some of our more worthless friends) fear us again. Yes, fear. Not love, fear. We’re the great power in the world today. Historically, the great power of the day is never popular with those around it. And yet we persist in this desire to make the world love us. It’s never going to happen, so we need to just get over it. The best we can hope for is for them to fear us. Maybe then, they’ll be less likely to attack us

What? You Say Hollywood Types Are Hypocrites?

I kinda like this article at about celeb actors who play the part of pious environmentalists, but then consume more fuel in ten hours than my 300ZX consumes in ten years. The fact of the matter is that I don’t fault them for their fuel usage. In fact I couldn’t care less about it. What bugs me is that while using up all these resources themselves, they have the gall to tell us to cut back on our comparatively meager usage. “Good enough for thee, but not for me” indeed.

Castro In Hell

“You know, for a blog dedicated to the proposition that Castro should burn in hell, you sure don’t talk about Castro very much.” That’s just one of the many reader’s complaints that we get here (or would get anyway, if we had any readers). Well, to be fair, ol’ fussy whiskers hasn’t really been in the news much lately, except in the form of speculation on whether or not he’s even still alive. You can rest assured, dear imaginary reader, that if it becomes known that the evil one has kicked the metaphorical bucket, we will quickly change orientation from laughing about the fact that he should burn in hell, to laughing at the fact that he IS burning in hell. In any event, to tide you over until that great day, I offer this Castro joke that I discovered on this site earlier today:

Castro In Hell
Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and that no way, no how, does he belong in heaven. Fidel must go to hell. So Fidel goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself right at home. Then, Fidel notices that he accidentally left his luggage back in heaven and tells Satan, who says, "No hay problema. I'll send a couple of little devils to get your stuff." When the little devils get to heaven, they find the gates are locked - St. Peter is having lunch - and they start debating what to do. Finally, one comes up with the idea that they should climb over the wall and get the luggage. As they are climbing the wall, two little angels see them, and one angel says to the other, "My goodness! Fidel has been in hell no more than ten minutes and we're already getting refugees."

Monday, October 23, 2006

Study: The Dangers Of Cell Phone Use

People who use mobile phones could be risking their likeability, warn researchers. A new study shows a worrying link between poor manners and the number of hours a day that a person uses their mobile phone. Those who made calls on a mobile phone for more than four hours a day had the worst attitude and the poorest quality manners, according to results released yesterday at the American Society for Behavioral Medicine annual meeting in New Orleans. Doctors believe the damage could be caused by the electromagnetic radiation emitted by handsets or the heat they generate, but the most likely explanation is that “people who talk on their cell phones all the time are just obnoxious pains in the ass.“

Pelosi: "My Family Is Very Pro-Life"

House Living Dead Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Homorabia) today attempted to deflect Republican criticisms that she is an ultra-left wing liberal by pointing out how pro-life her family is. “My daughters especially are pro-life”, said Pelosi while gnawing on a human femur. “Why, just last week my daughter Alexandria, who was named after the Library of Alexandria that was burnt to the ground by evil Republicans in the seventh century, demonstrated this by begging and pleading for her life while I tried to consume her tasty young flesh. How much more pro-life can you get?”

It’s Official! Part 2!

From the New York Daily News, Hillary Clinton IS getting uglier. Ah-DUUHHH-uhhhHH!

It's Official!

Today on Hannity and Commie, noted pollster Dick Morris stated that “demographically, the Republican Base is the most educated, articulate group in the country. That’s not blowing smoke, that’s a demographic fact.” Hoo-Ahhh! Sing it, brother!

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Triva Question

Q.: How many Koskid Moonbats does it take to change a lightbulb?

A.: None, they'd rather just sit around and blame Bush for the darkness.

A Tale Of Two Memorials

This is how you do it….

The Pentagon today unveiled its United States Air Force Memorial near Arlington Nation Cemetery. The memorial, which is meant to evoke the image of three jet contrails pulling away from each other, commemorates the sacrifices of Air Force personnel in protecting the nation’s liberty. The Air Force was the only branch of the U.S. military that did not have its own memorial.
This is how you don’t…

The Arizona Memorial Commission recently unveiled it's September 11th Memorial in Arizona’s Wesley Bolin Plaza. The memorial, which is designed to evoke an Islamic crescent, commemorates the narcissism and self-absorption of the left-wing Arizona Arts Commission, with such inscriptions as “Remembrance Garden Planted in Window”, “Arizona Interfaith Movement Promotes Understanding and Respect”, “Scottsdale Students Founded Cultural Understanding Organization”, “Foreign Born Americans Afraid”, “Must Bomb Back”, and “You Don’t Win Battles of Terrorism with More Battles.” The Arizona Art’s Commission was one of the only branches of the Moonbat-Left that had not created its own memorial.

Trivia Question

Q. How many North Koreans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. Change the lightbulb? How can you even tell it needs changing if there's no electricity?

Dems: Bring Out Your Dead

In an effort to ensure their victory in the upcoming November elections, the Democrats are relying heavily on one of their key constituencies: the recently dead. No other demographic group has voted so reliably Democrat, and their help will be desperately needed to counter the top notch GOP voter turnout machine that was put in place after the 2000 election fiasco. However, the Dems have found that there is a serious downside to their efforts, as their three other major constituencies, namely, the mentally retarded, illegal immigrants looking for amnesty, and the currently incarcerated, tend to be the ones who are most vulnerable to the wave of anarchy and cannibalism that accompanies the arrival of election day.In an effort to step down the violence, while at the same time maintaining the proper levels of turnout, the Dems have instituted a policy of using snipers at polling places, who will be responsible for putting down the dead constituents, but only AFTER they’ve had a chance to vote. Democratic leaders feel that this is the best way to guarantee the success of their goal to “take back control of the government, regardless of the cost in lives and treasure to the country as a whole.”Local civic groups are skeptical that the Dems can maintain order at the polls, even with the snipers in place. “Their efforts in this area have been less than successful in the past”, stated one city official, who insisted on anonymity. “Why, in 2004, my recently dead mother managed to kill or infect most of my extended family before casting her vote for John Kerry.”

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Karl Rove Attempts To Influence Election

A small plane crashed into a high-rise residential building in New York City today, causing speculation amongst Democrats that it was part of a Rovian plot to throw the elections. "This will just remind people of 9/11 and terrorism," said one Democratic spokesperson. "It'll make for a perfect opportunity for the Republicans to make us look like a bunch of traitors. How can we fight against that?!"

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Mexico May Take Fence Dispute to U.N.

The Mexican government has stated that it may seek help from the U.N. in the dispute with the U.S. over its plans to build a 700 foot long fence along the U.S.-Mexican border. A Mexican representative has told reporters that an investigation is underway to determine if Mexico has any legal standing against the construction of the fence, which will be built entirely on U.S. soil.
In an unrelated story, Al-Qaeda leader Osama bin-Laden has announced plans to seek redress with the U.N. over the design of the new Freedom Tower the U.S. plans to build on the site of the former World Trade Center, stating that the unique glass design of the building would make it more difficult to see, and thus more difficult for a pilot to hit with an average sized commercial airliner.

Bombing In Iraq

There was a bombing today in a bakery in Baghdad, killing at least 11 people. Although it remains unconfirmed, sources indicate that this may have been the work of the Breadmaster, who, along with his side-kick, Buttery Pat, is known for his relentless attacks against bakeries and food stores throughout The City.

So The Danish Cartoon Thing Never Happened?

Iranian President Immadinthehead today stated that the Danish cartoons released last year that depicted the insane, pedophilic pseudo-prophet Mohammad (Pork Be Upon Him) as being an insane, pedophilic pseudo-prophet (with a bomb), are an abomination, and as bad as the Holocaust. Except that I also remember him stating that the Holocaust never happened. So does that mean that the Holocaust really did happen? Or just that the cartoons don’t actually exist? Or maybe he’s just mad in the head?

North Korea Puts "Nuke Me" Sign On It's Back

North Korea conducted what may or may not be a nuclear weapons test this weekend. The real question is which is funnier: the fact that it may have been faked (or at least unsuccessful), or the fact that lil' Kim was surprised that he didn't receive congratulations from world leaders for the test. Sort of like how a child might be surprised that his parents aren't happy that he found their handgun and figured out how to use it on his little sister. The solution to all this is simple, though: Explain to the Chinese (who are the Norks puppet masters, after all), that if they don’t reign in their little buddies on the peninsula and make them give up their nuke aspirations, we will have no choice but to provide nukes to Japan. THAT will get the Chicoms attention. Japan with nukes scares China about as much as Germany with nukes scared the Russians during the cold war, and for much the same reasons.

Thursday, October 5, 2006

A Picture Is Worth A Dozen Teeth

A local wacko turned activist demonstrates how NOT to make a protest sign. Little known fact: the other side of the sign says “I’m With Stupid”. It was rejected as a slogan when it was realized just how redundant that was. Everyone there is with stupid.

Wednesday, October 4, 2006

Day Of National Resistance

Tomorrow, October 5th, is supposed to be a 'Day of National Resistance', or some such crap. Basically, a bunch of moonbats are going to be running through cities and towns near you, trying to start some spontaneous rebellion against the current administration. I plan to spend the 'Day of National Resistance' preparing for the REAL resistance; specifically, the Colonial resistance against the Cylons on New Caprica that begins on October 6th. So say we all!

Tuesday, October 3, 2006

Dems: What Did They Know, And When Did They Know It?

It looks like there’s a little more to this Mark Foley Scandal than meets the eye. There exists a record of emails and instant messages between Foley and at least two Pages going back as far as November of 2005. So why didn’t the Republican Leadership in congress do anything about it? Simple: they weren’t the ones with the info. ABC News and the Democrats have been sitting on this story for almost a year. Interesting that it just happens to come out NOW, during the last few weeks before an election, where Democrats were poised to take over the house, and possibly the senate, and have recently seen their lead slipping away. They had this information for almost a year, and they could have done something about it to protect these young boys from a predator. Instead, they chose to wait to reveal it at the most politically useful time, regardless of the consequences to the kids in question. Just when you think these people can’t go any lower, they grab a shovel and prove you wrong. Mark Foley may not have broken the law with what he’s done; after all, the age of consent in DC is 16, and both of these boys were at least that age. So he may avoid jail. Hell is another matter, though. And he’ll have company. There is a special place in Hell reserved for betrayers, and those who have betrayed these youths, and their responsibilities to them, will be joining him. Good riddance.

Car-B-Que 2

More rioting and mayhem from 'youths' in France, as a mob sets a police car on fire after a chase. Did we forget to mention that the 'youths' were Muslim? How could that have possibly slipped our minds? Religion of Peace my ass. In any case, do we really know for sure that these cars were actually intentionally set on fire? I mean, they are French cars, after all. How well made could they possibly be? They may well have just spontaneously combusted. Anyway, the French will battle the youths, and the youths will battle the French, and, hopefully, they’ll defeat each other.

Monday, October 2, 2006

Trivia Question

Q. Who is ultimately responsible for the slaughter of innocent Amish schoolchildren in Pennsylvania today?

A. The Jooooosssss!

The Mind Of A Lunatic

Okay, this one is a couple of weeks old, but it’s so insightful that I just had to post it for all of our imaginary readers to check out. It’s an analysis of why Arabs and Westerners think so differently, by a Westerner who lived among them for a year. Sort of a “Gorillas In The Mist”, only without Sigourney Weaver, and with crazier gorillas. After reading this myself, all I can say is let the bombs fall where they may…

Sunday, October 1, 2006

Smeer The Queer

Representative Mark Foley (R-FL) has resigned over allegations of sexual misconduct via e-mail and text messaging with several underage male congressional pages. "The improper communications between Congressman Mark Foley and former House Congressional pages is unacceptable and abhorrent. It is an obscene breach of trust," Hastert, R-Ill., Majority Leader John Boehner, R-Ohio, and Majority Whip Roy Blunt, R-Mo., said in a written statement Saturday evening. "His immediate resignation must now be followed by the full weight of the criminal justice system." Foley is best known, ironically enough, for being on the Missing and Exploited Children’s Caucus. It now appears that his whole purpose for being on the commission was to get tips on how best to pick up on young boys. Foley, when asked how he thought this incident would affect other Republicans in the up-coming November elections, replied, “Why the hell should I care? I only went Republican because the Democrat’s quota for creepy, middle-aged, child-molesting homos was already filled by Barney Frank.”

Laugh It Up, Fuzzball

Film footage has been made public showing infamous scumbag Mohammed Atta laughing it up with several of his butt-buddies months before the 9/11 attacks. As he roasts eternally in the fires that burn but don’t consume, I have to ask: Who’s laughing now, huh? Who’s laughing now?

Al-Qaeda Leader Calls For Vengeance

Al-Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri recently released another videotaped message to the world, in which he vowed vengeance for the deaths of the innocent children of Lebanon, as well as for the recent death of ‘Crocodile Hunter’ Steve Irwin. “He was a leader”, stated Zawahiri, “an inspiration to our Al-Asqa Martyrs Brigade, and a role model for Muslims everywhere. His death at the hands of the Satanic U.S.-Zionist-Stingray conspiracy shall be avenged, and he shall live on in our hearts as an example of how a Muslim lives, and a martyr for almighty Allah dies.” The family of Irwin, who wasn’t actually a Muslim, was unavailable for immediate comment.