Saturday, August 11, 2007

Organize Now?

A group of bloggers has decided that they need to organize and form a union, a union of bloggers, that will help them receive health insurance, conduct collective bargaining, or even set professional standards. The first thing that came to my mind when I heard this was: Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot? (That’s WTF? for those unfamiliar with the NATO alphabet.)
In order for labor to unionize, they have to have something to unionize against, like, say, oh, I don’t know, MANAGEMENT maybe? The purpose of a union is to bargain collectively with those who employ you. Who employs you as a blogger? Most likely nobody. This idea makes absolutely zero logical or economic sense, which is why it is no surprise that it originated with the left side of the blogosphere. The right side of the blogosphere recognizes this idea for the joke that it is.
So I ask again, who would you organize against? Advertisers? They may pay some websites to run their ads, but that is purely voluntary on their part. They pay for their ads based solely on what they are willing to pay and what they feel that ad placement is worth. If you push them too far by trying to force them pay more than they are willing to, they will simply quit the arrangement and find someone who doesn’t reside in an orange padded room.
Maybe they’ll unionize against the government, demanding free healthcare in exchange for their efforts. This isn’t much of a stretch, seeing as they’re already demanding government subsidized healthcare anyway. It might actually even work, considering Uncle Sucker’s track record of giving in to the demands of society’s lunatic fringe groups. More likely, though, it’ll be just another dumb idea that goes nowhere.
So what will this theoretical union do if its demands aren’t met? Strike? Refuse to produce an never ending stream of bizarre and stupid posts about how Bush=Hitler, and how all the Jews who worked in the World Trade Center called in sick on 9/11 on direct orders from the evil Jewish Neo-Conservative Cabal led by Paul Wolfowitz, who reports directly to Tel Aviv? Good riddance, I hope they strike for the next millennia.
Even if they did manage to get it going, I wouldn’t join, and not just because I’d blow the entrance exam by not wearing a jacket whose sleeves lace up in the back. No, we here at Castro Burn in Hell have no need for such subsidies, thanks to all the funding we receive from Israel, the Gun Lobby, Big Oil, and Big Tobacco. We’re doing just fine, thank you very much.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Pointless Ponderings And Useless Wisdom

Have you ever wondered why Ron Paul always gets like 40%-50% of the vote in online presidential polls, but when it comes to the actual real life polls, he comes in with like 0.01%?

Me neither.

Talk About A Delayed Reaction

It looks like Y2K has had an impact after all, albeit a little later than expected. NASA has just revealed that due to a Y2K bug in the algorithms used to calculate global temperatures over the past century, the data output from those models, the very data that environmentalists have been using to beat us over the head about how we’re killing the planet, is incorrect. The problem has been corrected, and the resulting data has been silently released by NASA. Why silently? Because of the negative impact the corrected data would have on the Global Warming™ Hysteria Movement. Although the differences are not major, they could have a profound PR impact.
Some of the interesting changes: 1998 is no longer the “hottest year on record.” That honor now goes to 1934. In fact, it turns out that 5 of the 10 hottest days of the year all occur before World War II, which actually makes sense statistically. WWII occurred about halfway through the last century, so it would make sense for half of the 10 hottest days of the year to occur in the first half of the century, and the other five to occur in the second half. I’m no statistician, but that seems like a fairly normal random distribution. Whereas if Global Warming™ were actually happening, you would expect to see most or all of the 10 clustered in the latter part of the century. Clearly, there is a tremendous amount of uncertainty here, but lets just go ahead and wreck our entire economy because of a theory we can neither prove nor disprove. That sounds like a rational idea.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

The Weather For The Next Ten Years Will Be…

Hot! Hot! Hot!
According to a recent report by some group of people who should have learned better by now, Global Warming™ is predicted to accelerate after 2009, with at least half of the following decade’s years to be among the warmest on record. Much like the 2006 hurricane season was to be one of the worst on record. Seriously, these jackasses can’t even get the weather right 24 hours in advance, do they really think we should trust them to get it right 10 years in advance? Do they think we're that stupid? Or are they just that stupid that they actually believe their own hype?
Just the other day, there was a news article about how with Global Warming™, there would be increased earthquakes, increased volcanic activity, dogs and cats living together. Mass hysteria! On what did they base this idea? The fact that during several periods in the Earth’s past when temperatures were warmer, there was greater seismic activity. Luckily, they’ve yet to blame mankind for those temperature increases. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before some partially educated fool comes out of some unjustifiably prestigious university and announces that they’ve found conclusive evidence that the increased CO2 emissions produced by SUVs is responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs. They almost have to at this point, in order to maintain their credibility. If the temperature of the planet has gone up and down many times over the course the last few billion years, even without the presence of human civilization, then why would this current supposed increase in temperature have anything to do with us either?

It’s because capitalism is unfair to socialists, apparently.

Pointless Ponderings And Useless Wisdom

I once met a man who swore up and down that JFK was still alive, that he had survived the assassination attempt, and was still in hiding. The man would carry around a picture of JFK wherever he went. I asked him “If you think he’s still alive, why do you carry that picture with you?” He said, “Cause someday I’m gonna find that SOB, and then I’m gonna put him down for good!”
He was a pretty cool guy.

Moving Forward

What’s the deal with states constantly moving their primaries earlier and earlier? I can sort of understand California wanting to move its primary ahead, seeing as how it was originally so late in the season that by the time it’s primary was held, the result was mostly irrelevant. Unfortunately, as soon as California moved it’s primary date up, everyone else had to follow suit, so that now, everything is bunched up at the beginning of the year. And now we have South Carolina moving it's primary date up to January 19th. If this sort of thing keeps up, well be holding primaries for the 2016 Presidential election during the 2012 Presidential campaign.
The real source of all this is that New Hampshire has a law on it’s books that says that they must be the first state in the nation to hold a primary each season. So when other states start moving their primaries up, New Hampshire is required by state law to move theirs up so that they’re still first.
So how do we solve this problem? I say the simple solution is to kick New Hampshire out of the Union. What purpose do they serve, anyway? The only thing they have worth exporting to other states is snow, and we can always get that from Maine. Sure, Bob Newhart won’t be happy that his Inn is no long a part of the union, but he’s an old man, and won’t be able to put up much of a fight.

Now that I think about it, I think Newhart was actually set in Vermont, not New Hampshire. So I guess Bob can stay. I’m not sure how this discussion of the primary system devolved into beating up on Bob Newhart, but, whatever.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Pointless Ponderings And Useless Wisdom

Joke for the day: Fidel Castro, Hugo Chavez, and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad are walking down the street in downtown Miami. They disappear, and are never heard from again.

Hey, I thought it was funny.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Pointless Ponderings And Useless Wisdom

If you’re ever attacking the Death Star, and you have to decide whether to use your targeting computer, or turn it off and use the Force, let me offer this suggestion: Use both of them, 'cause, let’s face it, you’re no Luke Skywalker.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Pointless Ponderings And Useless Wisdom

I once knew a girl who would complain all the time about how her boyfriend would never satisfy her orally. She was really bothered by it. I offered my condolences, and finally, I offered to help her out in this area, for a nominal fee. I never saw her again after that. I guess there’s no pleasing some people.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Pointless Ponderings And Useless Wisdom

It doesn’t matter what you look like on the outside, whether you’re white, or black, or sasquatch even, as long as you follow your dream, no matter how crazy or against the law it is. Except for sasquatch. If you’re sasquatch, the rules are different. - Meatwad

“It’s Going To Be A Hot Summer In The Middle East”

So says Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the welterweight Iranian President and Bronson Pinchot look-a-like who just can’t seem to leave the Jews alone. "We hope that the hot weather of this summer will coincide with similar victories for the region's peoples, and with consequent defeat for the region's enemies," Ahmadinejad added, in an apparent reference to Israel.
So is this a hint of things to come, or just another pathetic attempt at threatening us? I don’t know. Here’s another question I don’t know the answer to: why is this little prick still sucking down air? If ever there was a poster boy for repealing the prohibition on assassinating foreign leaders, this guy is it.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Pointless Ponderings And Useless Wisdom

Q. If 24 hour convenience stores are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and never close, then why do they have locks on the doors?

A. It’s in case the zombies come. When the zombies come, you have to lock the doors, even if you’re still open, because zombies rarely have any money.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Is Hillary More Manly Than Edwards?

I always thought so, and apparently, Mrs. Edwards agrees. At least now we can tell what constituencies each of the Dem candidates is trying to court. Obama is obviously going after the minorities, Hillary’s after the women, Edwards is after the flaming homosexuals, and Kucinich is, apparently, after the space aliens who accidentally crashed at Roswell in 1947 and haven’t figured out how to get home yet.

Pointless Ponderings And Useless Wisdom

Everyone knows that if you see Rosie O’Donnell naked, you go blind for the rest of your life. But, if a blind man reads a Braile description of her naked, will he lose his sense of touch?

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Man survives pickup rolling over his head

HOUSTON — A 71-year-old man was taken to a Houston hospital by ambulance yesterday after a pickup truck he was working on ran over his head, fire officials said.

At about 11:30 a.m., the Houston Fire Department received a report of a motor vehicle accident. But it turned out that Congressman L. Ron Paul, Representative of Houston’s 14th District, was working beneath a three-quarter ton pickup truck trying to fix it when the vehicle suddenly rolled. A wheel went over his head and shoulder, Houston Fire Lt. Ed Smith said. "But he's in great shape," Smith said.

When the rescue squad arrived to the Millway address, they found the man smoking a cigarette with his staff. He had a tire track across his head, significant "road rash" and a missing patch of hair to prove he had been under the wheel.

Tests done at St Joseph Medical Center revealed no internal injuries. He did require some plastic surgery on his ear, Smith said.

"It was really unbelievable," he said. "He’s lucky that truck rolled over his head. It could have hit a vital area of his body instead, and then he would’ve been a goner. Someone was looking out for him."

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same

This cartoon appeared in Life magazine in 1918. It’s sometimes easy to forget that the surrendercrats* have been with us for a long, long time. They were with us in the Civil War, they were with us during the American Revolution. Hell, if you watch 300, you’ll see they were even around during the time of the ancient Greeks. Defeatism is an easy fall-back position for people who suck. When losing is all you know how to do, it’s kind of hard to visualize an alternative strategy.

*Note that I’m not specifically referring to the Democrats here, although they do tend to make up the majority of the modern Surrendercrat Party.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Edwards Returns To 2004 Campaign Theme

Democrat Presidential candidate John Edwards has returned to his 2004 campaign theme of "Two Americas."

Because it worked so well the first time around.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Global Cooling Now?

I’m not even going to make any jokes about this article. Why? Because I take this one seriously. Its very evidence based. There’s no hysteria, no moralistic self-flagellation, and no arguments that this potential problem requires that we switch over to a socialist, command and control economy ruled by Algore.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Don’t Let The Door Hit You In The Ass On The Way Out”

In a not so stunning development, New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg has left the Republican Party, switching his political tag to “Unaffiliated”. Some are seeing this as an attempt to position himself for an independent (translation: doomed) run at the presidency in 2008, although many concede that this may be simply the first move in a gradual shift over to the Democrat Party, a move that would leave the average IQ of both the Republican and Democrat Parties significantly higher.

Thompson Takes The Lead

In news that is stunning to literally no one (except maybe the 1 or 2 percent who are pulling for Ron Paul), Former Senator Fred Thompson has pulled ahead of Former Mayor Rudy Giuliani in the latest Rasmussen polls, leading 28% to 27%. Although caution should be taken with such a narrow lead, it is telling that Thompson can pull ahead of Giuliani at all, considering he hasn’t even officially announced yet. Filling out the top four are McCain and Romney with 10% each, both of who should probably just pack it in at this point.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

When Hamas and Fatah go to war, who wins?

You. The viewing Audience....
You gotta love how the Middle East's version of the Crips and the Bloods decided to go to war with each other to control a putrid, jew-baiting barely-there people.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Edwards Wants Probe of High Salon Prices

Democratic presidential hopeful John Edwards says a wave of mergers in the cosmetology industry should be investigated by the Justice Department to see what impact they have had on soaring hair-styling prices.

During a campaign stop in Silicon Valley Thursday, Edwards planned to berate the beauty industry for "anticompetitive actions" and outline a make-over plan he says would reduce oily hair "and get us on a path to be virtually dandruff-free within a generation."

Wednesday, May 30, 2007


He's going to do it! He's really going to do it! Finally, I have a candidate that I can get behind without having to hold my nose! I can already feel myself starting to get interested in politics again.

Fred Thompson has officially quit Law & Order

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

We’re Back….

And so is Bill Whittle, with another of his stunningly brilliant two-part essays. Only this time, he’s released both parts simultaneously, so no waiting for the finale. You can tell it’s a great piece because it actually motivated me to get off my lazy ass and post something for a change.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Official Policy Statement

It is the avowed and official policy of Castro Burn In Hell that we will NOT link to The Daily Kos, the Democratic Underground, or The Huffington Post (except to entries by Greg Gutfield). There are just way too many strange and unnatural mental illnesses on the loose at those places, and we do not wish to risk contamination, either of ourselves, or of our two or three readers.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

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Monday, April 30, 2007

Democrat Operatives Vie To Commit Suicide

Democrat operatives are busy biting off more than they can possibly chew in Nashville this week, as they attempt to gather dirt on future Presidential candidate Fred Thompson. The operatives, who are awaiting identification by next of kin, have been searching through county records, primarily property records, in a desperate bid to defeat the future President. Their quarry, however, is not to be taken lightly. Fred Thompson once caused an opponent’s head to actually explode during a debate, just by glaring at him. Although it is a myth that Thompson invented the Thompson Sub-Machinegun, also known as the Tommy Gun, it is a documented fact that Thompson can wield a Tommy Gun in each hand and maintain a constant 1”MOA level of accuracy with each weapon, even while firing full auto.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Media Warning

In the off chance that anyone from the mainstream media happens to come to this site for some unknown reason, I thought it would be best to give them a heads up of sorts: It is now the end of April, which means that, as we here in the northern hemisphere approach summer, it will begin to get warmer outside. In fact, in a couple of months, it may even get downright hot. I just wanted to warn you all ahead of time so that you weren’t blindsided by it again, and thrown into a panic that the world is going to end or something. It does this every year about this time. It’s a cyclical pattern, almost seasonal, one might say. So just relax, take another Zoloft, and go back to making up stories about the President.

No Liberals Allowed

For anyone who wondered what I could have been thinking when I stated in my post about my new planet why it’s impossible to maintain a free, democratic, republic as envisioned by our founder fathers with liberals around, I would direct you to this post over at Ace of Spades. It’s an analysis of an article by a lefty former US diplomat on how he would deal with “The Gun Owner Menace.” Apparently, some liberals will accept anything, even a fascist police-state, in order to get what they want politically.

UPDATE: Iowahawk is all over this, too, and he's dead on target, as usual.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Thinking Ahead

While everyone is oohing and ahhing over the discovery of a planet outside our solar system that may be capable of supporting life, I would just like to take this opportunity to say…


That’s right, read it and weep, suckers, it’s all mine now. I’ve got plans for it, too.

First: no Liberals. We’re going to have a free democratic-republic on my new planet, just like the founding fathers of this country envisioned, and, let’s face it, you just can’t have that with Liberals around.

Second, no Muslims. I know this sounds harsh, but we have to face facts here. There are a tremendous number of Muslims who would like nothing better than to kill themselves while taking a bunch of innocent bystanders with them. These kinds of things tend to lower the property value, and my new planet is ALL about property value. I know, I can hear you saying “That’s discriminatory! Most Muslims are moderate and don’t support terrorism in any way.” And you’d be right. But it’s just too damn hard to tell them apart from the crazies, so until they can start doing a better job of policing their own, they can either go infidel or stay home.

Third, no innocent bystanders allowed. I’m sick of having to hear sad stories on the news about how a bunch of people got shot because they couldn’t take the responsibility to protect themselves. On my new world, EVERYONE must own, and carry, a firearm. In fact, everyone who wishes to come will be tested to determine not only if they’re able to handle a firearm, but if they’re willing to USE one, should the need arise.

Fourth, no peaceniks. We are not a warlike people. We do not make war lightly, and when we do, we don’t want to be pestered about it by people who haven’t even smelled soap since they were kicked out of their parents house as teenagers. We are not warmongers. We will only resort to war when the opportunity presents itself. Or if we’re bored.

Fifth, and finally, no environmentalists. The whole principle behind the environmental movement is that we only have one planet, and we have to take care of it. Well, that’s not true anymore, is it? If there’s a habitable planet a mere twenty light years from Earth, they must be pretty common. So, instead of channeling valuable energies into preserving the planet, those energies will instead be channeled into building a huge fleet of starships that we can use to move on to the next habitable planet once we’ve sucked this one dry. Well, that, and war.

So, now that I’ve created this paradise off Earth, the question is, what to name it? Planet X? Alderaan? New Caprica? Bob? I’ll have to think about that one.


The term Liberal in point one above will now be amended slightly to include Neo-Nazis, Holocaust Deniers, 9/11 Truthers, and Furries. I’m sure there will be people who ask “Are you equating such undesirables with Liberals?” As a matter of fact, yes I am. Deal with it.


Sometimes, no comment is adequate or even neccessary.

Good Enough For Me, But Not For Thee

So it appears that each of the Democrat candidates for President took private jets to the debate. No commercial flights, no “jet-pooling” to help conserve the Earth’s “precious and valuable resources.” And, of course, more commentary about this hypocrisy on Drudge and the blogs (like this). But here’s the sad truth: When Democrats talk about how we need to cut back on everything to save the environment, then turn around and live extravagantly themselves, it’s not really hypocrisy. Really, it’s not. They said WE have to cut back, to conserve. They never said anything about THEM having to cut back. The rules are meant for us, the little people. The ones who drag themselves out of bed every morning to go to job we can’t stand. The ones who make the country work. The ones who get shot while trying to get to class, because someone on high decided that everyone on campus should be defenseless. The ones who have to make the life and death decision of whether or not to crash their plane into the ground, because someone from on high thought it would be insensitive to give extra scrutiny to high risk passengers at the security terminal. You know, us serfs. Those rules don’t apply to them because they’re so much more important than us. They’re exempt.
I don’t understand why I have to keep saying this, but this has never been about the environment, or about liberalism, either. This is about elitism. The Democrat party is the party of elitism
They used to say that religion is the opiate of the masses, and that Communism is the opiate of the intellectuals. Well, liberalism is the opiate of the self-important.

Right Said Fred

The more I read about and from Fred Thompson, the more I like him. I know it’s common nowadays for Presidential candidates, particularly Republican ones, to position themselves as “The Next Ronald Reagan”, but I’m beginning to believe that Thompson is the only one out there on the Republican side (or the Democrat side, for that matter) who even comes close. There’s only two reasons why Castro Burn In Hell hasn’t come out and officially endorsed Fred for the Republican nomination: 1) he hasn’t yet announced that he’s running (though I suspect he will), and 2) nobody really gives a rat’s ass who we endorse or why. That being said, he has been posting articles left and right (but mostly right) at National Review Online. Here’s the link to his most recent posting, from today, as a matter of fact.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Dean: Bar Media And Candidates Will Talk

Howard Dean stated today that the best way to get the Presidential candidates to talk would be to bar the press from the debate. "If you want to hear the truth from them, you have to exclude the press," Dean said.
The press, for all its many, many flaws, is how We The People hear the news. Excluding the press from a Presidential debate is tantamount to saying exclude the public from the debate. And here you have the truth about how the Dems think of We The People: “We’ll say what we really think and believe, but only if the people can’t hear it.” What better evidence could there be of their lack of confidence in their electability: They have to hide their core beliefs to get elected, because if the American people knew what the Dems really believed, they’d be run out of town on a rail.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

What Would Sherman Do?

The History Channel is running a special tonight called “Sherman’s March” about the great general’s “March to the sea” in the winter of 1864-65. It’s playing three times tonight, and it’s filled with some great quotes from the general on the subject of war. I have often thought that our leaders should listen to the words of this man when engaging in warfare. This show only confirms my beliefs.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Weather Memory

It’s raining here today. My mother asks me “Isn’t it weird that it’s raining now?” “What,” I say, “you mean in April? Haven’t you ever heard April showers bring May flowers?” “Oh, yeah,” she says.
I think a lot of people are like this; they have this basic picture in their minds about what the weather should be like: cold in the winter, then about March it starts warming up until it gets hot in the summer, then it starts cooling down about September until it gets cold again in the winter. The thing is, that’s mostly true, too. However, there are always exceptions, and some of those exceptions happen with great regularity.
I used to work at a drive-in movie theater, which is a business that’s heavily impacted by the weather. When it’s cold, or raining, or foggy, business is slow. When it’s warm, business picks up. I’m not saying that makes me a weather expert, or anything, but when your job conditions depend on the weather, you tend to pay more attention to its patterns than someone whose job doesn’t.
Now, in this area, just about every year in June we get a thunder storm. It comes out of nowhere, lasts for a couple of days, then disappears. I worked at the drive-in every summer for ten years, and this thunderstorm happened all but one of those years. So, every year this storm would come through, almost like clockwork, and every year, people would say, “That’s weird, I’ve never seen it storm in June before.” And I would say, “Yes you have. It did this last year, and the year before that, and the year before that, too. You just don’t remember it, ‘cause your memory sucks ‘cause you smoke too much pot. You’re probably high right now, aren’t you?” And, because this IS Northern California, they’d almost invariably say, “Oh yeah, that’s right, I am.” Then they’d go off looking for something to munch on, and I’d go back to reading the help wanted pages.
So, the point I’m making here is that people in general don’t have very good memories when it comes to weather. The reason I bring this point up is because I’m beginning to suspect that that is the reason this whole Global Warming™ nonsense has taken off like it has. When some environmentalist functionary comes on the news to say that “This is the hottest summer on record!” most people will go “Yeah it is pretty hot. I don’t remember it ever being this hot,” when in point of fact most people can’t even remember what the weather was like three days ago, myself included.
But I do remember that there’s a thunderstorm around here every June. So when it happens, and people start crying “It’s Global Warming™! We broke the sky! We’re all going to die!!”, I’ll be ready for ‘em.

Cancer In Desperate Bid To Fight Off Thompson

The disease known as cancer is currently in the fight of its life, as it attempts to escape it’s most deadly foe: Former Tennessee Senator Fred Thompson. “It was a case of mistaken identity,” stated the cancer in an interview. “I thought I was just infecting some old guy. I had no idea what I was getting in to.” Cancer has recently checked itself into John Hopkins, in an effort to battle its condition, but clearly, it has its work cut out for it. Fred Thompson is one of the fiercest creatures in the animal kingdom, and has no known predators. Symptoms of Fred Thompson include listlessness, headache, and moments of extreme terror, followed by the onset Rapid and Painful Death Syndrome (RPDS). “Every day is a struggle, but I’m hoping I can make it through this,” cancer stated.
Senator Thompson was out of the country single handedly destroying an al-Qaeda training camp with his bare hands, and was unavailable for comment.

Sunday, April 8, 2007


A rare moment of sanity regarding the environment, from MSNBC and Newsweek, no less.

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Photo Of The Day

In Washington DC today, the last two surviving Civil War widows meet for a brief reunion.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

The Failure Of Nancy Pelosi

Democrat Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, while on a diplomatic visit to Syria, was photographed wearing a Hijab, the traditional head-scarf of Muslim women. The fact that she wore the traditional dress of a culture that she was visiting is not an issue, or at least it should not be. She did this previously in Israel, and no one had a problem with it. However, Israel is not Syria. Wearing a head covering in a holy site in Israel (which is the only place where she did so) is considered a sign of respect, and the failure of a woman to so would result in, at most, an occasional look of disapproval. In many Muslim countries, however, the Hijab is compulsory for women in public, period. Failure to wear one can get a woman arrested, raped, stoned to death, or even beheaded. Just a slight difference between the two. Furthermore, Israel is an ally of the United States, and her trip there had the approval of the US government. Syria, on the other hand, is an ally of a hostile country, Iran, and is also a potentially hostile country itself. It is responsible for the murder of Lebanese officials, of attempting to subvert the duly elected government of Lebanon, and of funding and supporting the actions of at least two terrorist organizations, Hamas, and Hezbollah. Pelosi is visiting in a manner designed to influence US foreign policy, even though she has no constitutional power or authority to do so.
The timing of this visit is also questionable. Iran, as you know, has recently taken 15 British sailors hostage. By visiting Iran’s ally Syria while the British sailors are in captivity, it has allowed the Iranians to use this as a political opportunity. They could (and have, I note) release the hostages in such a way as to make it look as if the release was due to Pelosi’s efforts. The Iranians will look magnanimous for releasing them, Bush and Blair, the leaders of the Western war against Islamo-Fascist Terrorism, will look weak, and Pelosi, one of the leaders of the anti-war left, will look strong.
But how does this make her a failure, you ask? Surely these victories will add to her power. Shouldn’t they be counted as successes? No.
One of Pelosi’s core beliefs, in fact, one of the core beliefs of the Democrat Party (or so they say) is the fight for equality, especially between men and women. Muslim countries are notorious for their failure to promote equality between the sexes. In many Middle Eastern countries, women are treated as little more than objects. If a woman is raped in one of these places, she is often considered at fault for tempting her attacker. This is one of the reasons for the traditional Muslim woman’s attire: to protect her from attack from those her partially exposed flesh might tempt; although all they are really protecting her from is their own complete lack of self control and inability to police their own male populations. The Hijab, and other traditional forms of female Muslim dress, are really little more than instruments for the subjugation of women in those countries.
When Jehan al-Sadat, an outspoken critic of traditional Islam’s treatment of women (who, it should be noted, now lives in the west for her own safety, and who would be considered a raging feminist by Muslim standards) visited Saudi Arabia, she did so alone (an unescorted woman in public is a big Muslim no-no), and she wore modern clothing. This was a big deal, and it got her a lot of attention from Islamic religious leaders. Because of her bravery, she was envied and idolized by Saudi women. Although I have never personally visited the country, I have heard from people who have that both Saudi men and women will tell you to dress as western as possible, in the hope that the more people who do so, the more acceptable it will become. Nancy Pelosi had the opportunity to do something truly great for the people of the Middle East. She could have pointedly worn modern clothing, and eschewed the Hijab. She could have sent a signal to the women of the Muslim world by saying “I stand with you and your desire for equality. I support my sisters around the world in their efforts to control their own destiny.” Instead, she chose to show respect for a Muslim tradition of female suppression and inferiority, all for the sake of scoring a few cheap political points back home.

I see I'm not alone in my thinking: Has Pelosi Gone Bonkers?

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Hurricane Predictions

Forecasters are predicting a “very active” hurricane season this year, with as many as nine major storms, and at least one hitting the US mainland. They predicted something similar last year, and it didn’t work out too well for them. Their excuse, of course, was that an unexpected el Niño disrupted the weather patterns, preventing the hurricane season from being as bad as expected. My response to that was that if you can’t predict an occurrence that’s so ordinary that it occurs every few years, why should we believe you when you predict something completely out of the ordinary.
In any case, in the interest of fairness, I will now post my hurricane predictions for this season, so that no one can complain that I’m nothing but a harping critic (although I am) who refuses to put his reputation on the line with a prediction of his own. So here goes:

My prediction for this hurricane season is that, regardless of whether this season is busier than average, less busy than average, or just plain average, the result will be blamed on Global Warming™. That’s right, I said it. So all you environ-mentalists telling me to beware, I’ll tell you where to be. Out of my sight, that’s where.

Iowahawk.... a certifiable comic genius. Read this if you don't believe.

Thursday, March 29, 2007


In a Hamilton County Courtroom today, it was revealed that the male defendant Alexander Cross, who has been charged with molesting a teen, is actually a woman. The woman was originally named Elaine Cross, but legally changed her name to Alexander. It wasn’t realized the defendant was a woman until ten days after her arrest, when she was recognized as such while taking a shower in the jailhouse. She was promptly removed to the female section of the jail.

Cross was arrested for performing oral sex on a fifteen year old girl, who then fell in love with her, thinking that she was a he. Imagine the young girl’s surprise.

On a related note, Cross has been receiving support from the Gay and Lesbian Alliance.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

See, I always thought it was wrong to beat your wife. That’s what I was taught, that’s what the law says, and that’s what I believe to be true. So, imagine my surprise to discover that all this time I had thought wrong, at least according to Islam. Not only is it ok to beat your wife, but there are actually even a set of rules you’re supposed to follow in doing so. Don’t believe me? Just watch this video from Memri TV, a website that offers English translations for Middle Eastern television broadcasts. I was especially interested in the part where it’s stated that a woman is not merchandise and that a man can’t do anything he wants to her. Is that a recent change in Islamic philosophy, or is this man just mistaken?

Tuesday, March 27, 2007


When I'm feeling down, there's just one thing that can cheer me up, and that's my Bananaphone.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

The Road To Eurabia

I’ve been wondering which European country would be the first lemming over the cliff when it came to adopting Muslim sharia law. Well, apparently it’s Germany, which sucks, because I had fifty bucks on Norway. Anyways, it seems a woman judge in Germany has refused to grant a divorce to a Moroccan-born Muslim woman, who was suing for divorce on the grounds of physical and mental abuse. According to the judge, who I remind you is female, the Koran says its okay for a husband to beat his wife, even though the laws of the German jurisdiction they live in state that doing so is illegal. In other words, this judge just ruled not only that Islamic law has jurisdiction in Germany, but that it also trumps German law if the parties involved are Muslim. This is the logical conclusion of liberal multi-culturalism: different laws for everyone based on whatever crackpot cultural or religious beliefs they happen to have, all in the name of not offending other cultures. So how long before a Muslim gets away with killing a non-Muslim, say, a Jew, on the grounds that the Koran says it’s okay to kill an infidel? Go ahead and laugh, but this is Germany here. You know their track record with Jews. It ain’t pretty.

P.J. O’Rourke had a great description of liberalism, and I paraphrase (because I’m too lazy to go look up the exact quote): Liberalism is a dog chasing it’s own tail that finally managed to catch it, and has now eaten it’s way up to the back of it’s own head. It looks like Germany just worked its way up to the nose, and will soon disappear altogether

It’s Hard Out Here For A Gangsta

Governance isn’t as easy as it looks, apparently. The Dems had to withdraw their little DC voter bill because of pressure from the Republican minority. The handful of newly elected conservative Dems are siding with the Republicans in trying to abolish the DC handgun prohibition. Stretch Pelosi is running around futilely trying to garner support for her “Pull the troops out and surrender” bill. What’s a gangsta to do?
Here’s your first clue: don’t pander to every interest group under the sun in order to get elected. Sure, it may get you into office, but once you’re there, all of those mutually contradictory groups are going to expect mutually contradictory results. Good luck trying to please everybody, suckers!

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

An Interesting Definition Of The Word “Stifle”

NASA Scientist James Hansen claims that he was “stifled” by political pressure from the Bush Administration into not giving an interview to National Public Radio on the subject of Global Warming™. Hansen is a believer in the theory that increased CO2 in the Earth’s atmosphere will do everything from raise global temperatures to make little kittens cry, and he believes that this is why he was ordered not to do the interview by his superiors, who are Bush appointees.
The main problem with this theory of his is that he’s given over 1400 interviews on the subject. Here’s an idea: maybe his superiors got tired of seeing and hearing him on TV and Radio constantly. 1400 is a hell of a lot of interviews. Or maybe they were just trying to get him to put in an honest day’s work for a change, instead of gallivanting around the talk show circuit like some media-whore. Anyway, I’m sure all those political prisoners locked up in Castro’s jails for speaking out against the Cuban Regime feel a great sympathy for Mr. Hansen. He’s a man who truly understands what it means to suffer for one’s beliefs.

Note: Notice how I managed to squeeze Castro into that story. We’re not called Castro Burn In Hell for nothing.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Who Says They Deserve A State?

It’s been said by someone much wiser than myself (and I fully agree with this statement) that you can tell a lot about a society by the way it treats its most defenseless members. If this is true, then what are we to make of this photo of a young Palestinian child dressed up as a suicide bomber by her parents? The original caption on this photo was “Have you seen the new child martyr who will soon shake Israel (to the core)?”

Al Gore Challenged To Debate

Former Presidential wannabe Al Gore has been called out. Lord Monckton, a former political advisor to Margaret Thatcher, has challenged him to an internationally televised debate on Global Warming™. Monckton calls on the former Vice President to "step up to the plate and defend his advocacy of policies that could do grave harm to the welfare of the world's poor. If Mr. Gore really believes global warming is the defining issue of our time, the greatest threat human civilization has ever faced, then he should welcome the opportunity to raise the profile of the issue before a worldwide audience of billions by defining and defending his claims against a serious, science-based challenge."
The current Vegas Line on whether or not Al Gore will actually risk accepting this challenge is 500,000,000,000,000,000 to 1 against.

Study Finds One Third Of DC Illiterate

The number would have been lower, but the study included congress in the average.

Sunday, March 18, 2007


This is both brutal and brilliant.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Smelly Hippies Stink Up Lincoln Memorial, Pentagon

Hundreds of smelly hippies, self-absorbed socialists, potential terrorists, and sixties rejects who STILL haven’t found a career braved Global Warming™ induced near-freezing temperatures to gather today in Washington DC for a peace march from the Lincoln Memorial to the Pentagon. The march was followed up with a rally in front of the Pentagon featuring speeches from washed-up (but un-bathed) communists, al-Qaeda apologists, Herve Villechaize impersonators, and other moral degenerates. It is generally assumed that the speeches made at this rally were against the war effort, but this is difficult to confirm due to the rambling, incoherent speaking style of every single one of the speakers, as well as their general inability to stay on-topic.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Time To Clean House At The FBI

The Federal Bureau of Investigation has released a notice warning that “extremist groups” (gee, I wonder who that could be) have signed up to be school bus drivers. Then they turn around and say “But there’s nothing to be concerned about.” The bureaucrats at the FBI should be worried about it: their track record with these sorts of things is not exactly stellar, and they’ve been cozying up to extremist groups like CAIR a hell of a lot lately. Can you imagine what would happen if some of these Islamo-fascist monsters managed to hijack a school bus full of kids and create a hostage situation? Or just blow it up? School busses get special access to places like government buildings and national monuments. A schoolbus packed with ANFO and a bunch of unsuspecting kids would make a very inconspicuous, and very deadly, weapon.
Personally, I think we all need to stop counting on the government to keep us safe (not that I do). They’ve already shown many times that its just not that high a priority to them. They’d rather use our hard earned tax dollars to fund some faggot artist drawing pictures of Jesus banging a bunch of midgets in a hot tub full of warm Jell-o, then actually commit any of that dough to keeping us safe. A Muslim walks into a Jewish center with a pistol and shoots up the place, and that’s not terrorism. A Muslim drives an SUV into a crowd of people in a Jewish neighborhood in SF, and that’s not terrorism. A Muslim with connections to al-Qaeda goes on a shooting spree in DC, sniping with virtual impunity, but that’s not terrorism. But we’d be hearing about it if it was some white-supremacist, Neo-Nazi douche bag organization. We’re always re-fighting the last war. The Neo-Nazis are irrelevant and marginalized. Their about as dangerous as the Wobbles. But we’ll keep jumping at imaginary threats, while dangerous men with evil intent threaten us with impunity, because we lack the courage to risk offending their co-religionists.

And it goes without saying, if you have school age kids, drive them to school yourself.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed’s Claims “Exaggerated”

It turns out that some of the claims made by captured terrorist Khalid Sheikh Mohammed were exaggerations of the truth, officials revealed today. Mohammed was indeed key to some plots, but was only a bit player in others, and indeed, may have not been involved in some of the plots alleged. Some of the claims he made that were exaggerated or erroneous include:

Was one of the hijackers onboard United Flight 93

Fired the fatal shot from the grassy knoll that killed President John F. Kennedy

Was involved in the planning of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor.

Helped co-ordinate the assassination of President Abraham Lincoln

Helped recover alien wreckage from Roswell, New Mexico in 1947.

Was the real fifth Beatle

Discovered the planet Mars

Was the real inspiration for the film “Love Story”

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Hair Club For Terrorists

While in custody in Guantanamo, terrorist mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed has revealed his secret formula for back hair growth. Working with top scientists from Helsinki, Khalid has developed a formula that promises a lusher, fuller swath of hair, not only on your back, but also your chest, legs, arms, ears, nose, crotch, and behind. So stop worrying about inferior coverage of your gorilla region. Call Khalid today for a free sample. After all, he’s not just the president of Hair Club for Terrorists, he’s also a member.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Molan Labe

If you take but one thing from this site today, or ever, let it be this: Go see 300. It is an awesome spectacle, with a great moral truth at it’s core: It’s better to die on one’s feet than to live on one’s knees. Plus, you’ve gotta love any movie that pisses off the Iranians so much. Be warned, though: It’s not for the squeamish or the faint of heart. There is violence, blood and gore, hacked-off limbs and heads, and nudity (and “dudity”, too). Read Victor Davis Hanson’s review Here.

The Big Rich Dope

“I’m Scared we’re not going to make it” billionaire venture capitalist John Doerr said today. He wasn’t talking about his latest venture, or even the fate of his country in the war on terror. He was talking about Global Warming™. It just goes to show that you don’t have to be smart to be rich. Imagine the shear hubris it must take to live in the modern, developed world, taking advantage of all the opportunities that birth in such a world provides, to ascend to a lifestyle unknown to all but a few dozen people in the world, and then using that lofty position to decry how dangerous is the very development that allowed him to attain such glorious heights. Just one more rat-bastard who got his pile of gold, and now wants to change the rules so that no one else can get theirs.
Make no mistake; modern environmentalism is a rich country’s game. It is the poor of the world who will pay the price for our attempts to stifle development.

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Too Many Shots To The Head?

The elite scientists and researchers at the noted technical journal Sports Illustrated have released a warning to all of us lesser educated dunderheads that the planet is undergoing an environmental crisis due to Global Warming™. We can expect additional warnings shortly from TV Guide and Crossword Magazine.It’s good to know that all the guys who majored in Lacrosse in college are finally doing their part to save the world. Now if we could just do something about ManBearPig.

Feds Seek To Gag DC Madam

I could be wrong about this (it’s happened plenty of times before), but somehow, I suspect that a disproportionately large number of the representatives that would be named by this madam are Democrats. Why? Because if they were Republicans, we would already know all their names, along with all the intimate details of what happened. We can’t allow Democrats to come under that kind of scrutiny, can we?

Thursday, March 1, 2007

Nuttier Than Ten Pounds Of Almonds In A Five Pound Sack

I always love it when high profile (or relatively high profile, as it were) moonbats combine what are normally specialized pathologies into one grand theory. In this case we have the former Canadian Defense Minister combining global warming hysteria with belief in the extraterrestrial space brothers, in the hope that climate catastrophe can be averted with the help of the alien technology that our government supposedly recovered from the supposed crash at Roswell, New Mexico back in 1947.
Do you think he’s a 9/11 Truther, too? That’d be awesome, because maybe we can get him to claim that if the government really wasn’t responsible for 9/11 as they claim, they’d use their captured alien technology to go back in time to prevent it from happening in the first place. Or better yet, maybe he could claim that the government USED alien technology to cause 9/11.
Ah, if only the government would use that alien technology to come up with more effective anti-psychotic medications, we might be able to rid the world of the Democrat Party once and for all…

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Helen Thomas Loses Seat

Veteran (read Ancient) reporter and former Civil War correspondent Helen Thomas is losing her front row seat in the White House Press Room. It seems that because the White House is renovating the Press Room, they’ve decided that now is a good time to adjust the seating order to accommodate all the changes that have taken place in the American Media and the way that Americans get their news. So CNN now gets a front seat, due to seniority. But they aren’t the ones taking Helen’s front row seat. Who is, you ask? Fox is, baby! That’s right! Fox news is responsible for kicking that horrible old lady to the second row. All contestants in the Conservative Drinking Game should now take a drink. Helen is taking it all in stride though, saying “Has anybody seen my pills?”

Annual Kite Festival Held In Pakistan; 11 Dead, 100+ Injured

What can you say about a culture that can take the most innocent and childlike of activities and turn it into a bloodbath? We worry about a mere 3000+ US soldiers dead after four years of war, yet these people can’t even fly a few kites without having a body count attached to it. And we worry about collateral damage. Why? Even if, during the initial invasion of Iraq, we caused a couple of thousand casualties amongst the civilian population, so what? They probably get higher casualty rates than that just from playing badminton. I, for one, am not going to worry about it anymore. So what if we accidentally wipe out a wedding party while taking out a bunch of terrorists? They probably wouldn’t have made it halfway through the wedding vows without half of them getting killed by celebratory gunfire fired by the other half. Screw ‘em.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Smart-Ass Book Reviews #1

Shelby Foote’s The Civil War, Volume 1

It was good.

More Anti-Semitic BS In Europe

Here’s a shocker: some thugs threw a smoke bomb into a Jewish kindergarten classroom in Berlin. No one was injured, as the smoke bomb failed to ignite, but there was a tremendous amount of graffiti left all over the school and its attendant playground, further proof that you can get Germany out of the Thirties, but you can’t get the Thirties out of Germany. Or maybe that’s not the case. Take a good look at the accompanying photograph. ignoring, of course, the Seig Heil, the Auschwitz, and the Scheiss (Shit) Jews, and take a look at the swastika. It’s backwards! Somehow, as stupid as neo-Nazis are, I don’t think they would have drawn their favorite symbol backwards. I suspect they’ve had plenty of practice at drawing it correctly. Me suspects this may be the work of the “Religion of Peace.” Animals.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Cheney Slams Pelosi; Pelosi Whines To Bush

And Bush could care less.
House Speaker Nancy “If She Bites You You’ll Become Just Like Her” Pelosi can’t stand the heat, but doesn’t want to stop getting barefoot and pregnant, or something like that. I may be getting my metaphors mixed up. Anyway, Vice President Cheney came out and criticized her pro-al Qaeda military strategy as being pro-al Qaeda, so she felt compelled (although certainly not by the power of Christ) to call President Bush to complain about it.

"You cannot say as the President of the United States, 'I welcome disagreement in a time of war,' and then have the vice president of the United States go out of the country and mischaracterize a position of the speaker of the House and in a manner that says that person in that position of authority is acting against the national security of our country," the speaker said. Even if it is true.

Unfortunately for Pelosi, she was unable to get through to the President. Apparently, he was busy doing anything else. She was, however, able to get a hold of White House Chief of Staff Josh Bolten, who must have drawn the short straw at today’s staff meeting. After pretending to listen politely to her complaints, Bolten pointed out to Pelosi that he was certain that no one was questioning her patriotism or commitment to national security, although “they were certainly thinking it rather loudly.”In any event, Pelosi should not be concerned about people on the right questioning her patriotism. We aren’t. What we’re questioning is her apparent LACK of patriotism, as evidenced by the fact that her plan for conducting the war meshes so well with al Qaeda’s plan for WINNING the war.

France vs. The Hornets

France has fallen victim to swarms of giant hornets. No, I am not making this up. From the very first line of the article:

“Swarms of giant hornets renowned for their vicious stings and skill at massacring honeybees have settled in France.”

The article goes on to blame Global Warming™ for the infestation, but this is simply not the case. I am responsible for it. I have been praying for this for sometime now, and as such, Castro Burn In Hell hereby claims full responsibility for these attacks, which will continue without let up until the following demands are met:

1. All French women must immediately begin a routine of bathing, shaving, and brushing their teeth, as well as mouthwash and deodorant use.
2. All French males must immediately and thoroughly spray themselves down with industrial grade Lysol, and then shoot themselves in the head.

Until these demands are met, we will continue our hornet assault on the countryside of France, giving no quarter to any who stand in our way. Long live the capitalist revolution!

Note: Brittan is starting to get a little worried that these swarms will migrate north and infect their country. As well they should; THEY are starting to piss me off, too.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

McCain vs. Rumsfeld

Sparks were flying in the Republican ranks today, after Senator John McCain (R-Mirror Universe) accused former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld of being the “worst Secretary of Defense in US history.” This would put him below even Abraham Lincoln’s first Secretary of War Simon Cameron, of whom Lincoln said “The only thing he would not steal is a red hot stove.”
The White House denied this, and countered by pointing out that McCain is the least effective and engaging former prisoner of war since Sergeant Raymond Shaw in “The Manchurian Candidate,” and that perhaps McCain should “Pass the time by playing a little solitaire.”
McCain was later seen jumping into the East River, but was unavailable for comment.

Great Float From German Parade

This float appearing at this year's Carnival Parades in Germany has Mulim groups up in arms over claims of (surprise!) Islamophobia. For those of you who don't read German (you can thank the US Army for that, by the way), the sash on the first figure reads "The Cliche," and the one on the second figure reads "The Reality." As Elzar would say, "Bam!"

Sunday, February 18, 2007

The Half Hour News Hour

Fox News is premiering tonight a news parody program called “The Half Hour News Hour,” and from what I’ve seen, it looks pretty funny. Actually, that was a lie. It looks like it’s going to be a train wreck into a plane crash during a gas explosion in the middle of an earthquake. I can already hear the comments from the leftards: “See, conservatives can’t be funny!”; ‘I told you Fox News was just a parody news channel! This proves it!”I would watch it, just because I’ve always enjoyed watching train wrecks, but that will be sadly impossible. Fox has made a dreadful scheduling error, placing their fledgling show directly opposite the best show on TV. So, sorry Fox. I love ya and all, but not THAT much.

OK, so it actually wasn't half bad. I know many comedy shows aren't all that great for their first few episodes (Monty' Python's Flying Circus comes to mind, not that I think this will be the next Monty Python or anything), so there is hope for it Assuming Fox doesn't cancel it after a couple of episodes instead of giving it a chance to grow (as they've done many times before, like with the live action "Tick").

Biofuel to power Indonesia's anti-poverty drive

Bio Fuel? Nooo! Don't use it! It's made of people!

Think of it: the liberals are always complaining about overpopulation (instead of just saying "we don't trust the whack-job-religious-nut brown people to have abortions") and using Soylent Fuel takes care of mother earth and those bothersome brown/yellow people all at once. End Poverty Now, eh?

Saturday, February 17, 2007

First Madonna wants to be like Ghandi

Now Britney apparantly wants to look like him.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Madonna’s Hoping To Be Like Gandhi

You mean, dead? Here’s hoping

Copperhead Republicans

During the Civil War, some Northern Democrats who opposed the war wanted an immediate peace settlement with the South. They were quickly nicknamed “Copperheads”, after the venomous Copperhead Snake found in the South that strikes without warning. These Democrats, who were just as unable to recognize an insult as modern Democrats are (what political party in its right mind would accept a jackass as it’s party symbol?), took it as a badge of honor, and started wearing copper liberty-head coins as badges.
Today, we have Copperhead Republicans, and 17 of them in the House of Representatives have shown their true colors by voting with the Democrats on the non-binding resolution against the Presidents “surge” plan in Iraq. You could say that this is only a non-binding resolution, and it doesn’t actually do anything. You would be wrong. In what light are our enemies supposed to view this act? Does this not show disunity? How can this not embolden our enemies? If you were fighting a superior force, and they started passing resolutions, even non-binding ones, that threatened to cut funding for the war effort in any way, wouldn’t you take heart from that? Would you not consider that a victory for your side?
So, just who are these 17 Copperheads:

Michael Castle, DE
Howard Coble, NC
Thomas Davis, VA
John Duncan, TN
Philip English, PA
Wayne Gilchrest, MD
Bob Inglis, SC
Timothy V. Johnson, IL
Walter Jones, NC
Ric Keller, FL
Mark Steven Kirk, IL S
teven LaTourette, OH
Ron Paul, TX
Thomas Petri, WI
Jim Ramstad, MN
Fred Upton, MI
James Walsh, NY

These names will be remembered. I suspect the right side of the blogosphere will be making much trouble for these fools over the next two years, and Castro Burn In Hell will be happy to join them in their efforts.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

An Awful Amount Of Confusion For A So-Called Consensus

Here we have an article that would tend to damage one of the underpinnings of global warming theory. For your reading pleasure, I have utilized the rather hackneyed technique of adding in my own comments in italics at the end of each paragraph. Or you can read the same article without my sarcastic comments here.

A new report on climate over the world's southernmost continent shows that temperatures during the late 20th century did not climb as had been predicted by many global climate models. –HA!

This comes soon after the latest report by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change that strongly supports the conclusion that the Earth's climate as a whole is warming, largely due to human activity. –Maybe they should have waited a couple of weeks to release their report, ya think?

It also follows a similar finding from last summer by the same research group that showed no increase in precipitation over Antarctica in the last 50 years. Most models predict that both precipitation and temperature will increase over Antarctica with a warming of the planet. -OK, so maybe waiting wouldn’t have made a difference. They probably would have just ignored it, like the previous study.

David Bromwich, professor of atmospheric sciences in the Department of Geography, and researcher with the Byrd Polar Research Center at Ohio State University, reported on this work at the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science at San Francisco. –Much to their displeasure, I’m sure.

"It's hard to see a global warming signal from the mainland of Antarctica right now," he said. "Part of the reason is that there is a lot of variability there. It's very hard in these polar latitudes to demonstrate a global warming signal. This is in marked contrast to the northern tip of the Antarctic Peninsula that is one of the most rapidly warming parts of the Earth." -“We’re looking as hard as we can, but it’s just not there!”

Bromwich says that the problem rises from several complications. The continent is vast, as large as the United States and Mexico combined. Only a small amount of detailed data is available – there are perhaps only 100 weather stations on that continent compared to the thousands spread across the U.S. and Europe. And the records that we have only date back a half-century. -In other words, there’s not enough data to make a solid conclusion either way, but that won’t stop them from trying.

"The best we can say right now is that the climate models are somewhat inconsistent with the evidence that we have for the last 50 years from continental Antarctica. -They don’t tell the EXACT truth, but they’re in the spirit of a truth that we believe in. Sort of like Dan Rather’s memos about the President’s National Guard Duty.

"We're looking for a small signal that represents the impact of human activity and it is hard to find it at the moment," he said. –“But we’re going to keep looking till we find it. Even if it’s not really there.”

Last year, Bromwich's research group reported in the journal Science that Antarctic snowfall hadn't increased in the last 50 years. "What we see now is that the temperature regime is broadly similar to what we saw before with snowfall. In the last decade or so, both have gone down," he said. -So the temperatures have gone DOWN?! It’s global warming! We’re all going to freeze!

In addition to the new temperature records and earlier precipitation records, Bromwich's team also looked at the behavior of the circumpolar westerlies, the broad system of winds that surround the Antarctic continent. –They surround it, and penetrate it, and bind the continent together. Sorry, channeled Star Wars for a second there.

"The westerlies have intensified over the last four decades of so, increasing in strength by as much as perhaps 10 to 20 percent," he said. "This is a huge amount of ocean north of Antarctica and we're only now understanding just how important the winds are for things like mixing in the Southern Ocean." The ocean mixing both dissipates heat and absorbs carbon dioxide, one of the key greenhouse gases linked to global warming. -Which is apparently going to cause us to burn up. Unless it makes us freeze.

Some researchers are suggesting that the strengthening of the westerlies may be playing a role in the collapse of ice shelves along the Antarctic Peninsula. –So it could be natural after all. Unless you’re blaming the increasing westerlies on man. Except, they’ve been increasing for 40 years, and you only have 50 years of data, so how can you tell?

"The peninsula is the most northern point of Antarctica and it sticks out into the westerlies," Bromwich says. "If there is an increase in the westerly winds, it will have a warming impact on that part of the continent, thus helping to break up the ice shelves, he said. –In a trial, this is what they call “Reasonable Doubt.”

"Farther south, the impact would be modest, or even non-existent." -Primarily because farther south, it’s land locked, making it much harder for the glaciers to fall off into the ocean.

Bromwich said that the increase in the ozone hole above the central Antarctic continent may also be affecting temperatures on the mainland. "If you have less ozone, there's less absorption of the ultraviolet light and the stratosphere doesn't warm as much." –So the destruction of the ozone layer will prevent global warming? Talk about your mixed messages.

That would mean that winter-like conditions would remain later in the spring than normal, lowering temperatures. -But only if Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow, apparently.

"In some sense, we might have competing effects going on in Antarctica where there is low-level CO2 warming but that may be swamped by the effects of ozone depletion," he said. "The year 2006 was the all-time maximum for ozone depletion over the Antarctic." -Is that anything like the McD.L.T., where the hot side stays hot, and the cool side stays cool?

Bromwich said the disagreement between climate model predictions and the snowfall and temperature records doesn't necessarily mean that the models are wrong. –It also doesn’t necessarily mean they’re right though, either.

"It isn't surprising that these models are not doing as well in these remote parts of the world. These are global models and shouldn't be expected to be equally exact for all locations," he said. –If it’s a global model, then it should be able to make global predictions, right? You guys certainly have been playing it up that way. But if the more extreme areas of the planet are the ones that aren’t falling in line, that would tend to point to some basic inaccuracies in your model. It’s easy enough to model the “normal” areas, and it’s easy enough to model the extreme areas. But I would think that for it to be a workable global model, it would have to be able to account for both at the same time. A global model is, by definition, supposed to describe the ENTIRE globe. That’s why it’s called global. Maybe you guys need to go back and work on your model a bit before you expect us to re-write the basic underlying laws of our civilization in accordance to it. I’m just saying.

Tim Hardaway Hates Gay People

I will attempt to navigate some choppy waters here in order to get this whole thing straight: Tim Hardaway says he hates gays and that he wouldn’t want to be on a team with them and he gets blasted for it. While I think I “get” where these critics are coming from, something about all of the firestorm doesn’t strike me as consistent.
Let me put it this way: He IS talking about his own feelings. To that extent, they are an accurate representation of what he feels, what he is passionate about, etc.. regardless of whether you agree with him. He was answering a direct question in response about the story of a former NBA player that said that he plays for the other team (if you get my drift) and how he would respond given a certain situation. He is doing nothing but characterizing his own feelings, right?
Okay, now the tricky part where I start to think through this thing. You’re going to have to follow me for a second here. I have heard a few places respond with “it’s fine that he was honest, but…” and then the typical PC apoplexy begins. Take step back, rewind, recall with me Kanye West commenting on Hurricane Katrina. Remember the “George Bush hates black people” and the George Bush blew up the Levees conspiracy? I seem to recall that there was not a “but..” after the media and others who may have shared this mindset ,including the Washington Post, who had the audacity to print this. If I recall the general mood, it was along the lines of “well, it might be wrong to characterize OTHERS as below-the-surface bigoted and racist, but at least he was being honest and true to what black people are thinking….”
Okay, now following this line of reasoning: its OKAY to call others out and generalize about an individual if--even though your statements might be poo-pooed on one side as, at best awkwardly put-- your fundamental point is true to one belief system, .i.e. the liberal thinking on George Bush’s supposed racism without a scintilla of tangible evidence to the contrary, but to state your OWN true feelings (not to mention to express something that a lot of the African American demographic may also feel about gays) and is NOT appropriate and does not deserve the same kind of leeway that you would give to opinions of “disaffected” minority groups if it's about a Republican. I guess it’s all in what group you have put your lot in with, eh?

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

St. Valentine’s Day Massacre

“Valentine’s Day is destroying the environment! We’ve got to stop it or we’re all going to die!” OK, look. There are plenty of people who dislike Valentine’s Day, and I’ll admit, I’m one of them (I have a good reason, though, My father left my mother on Valentine’s Day when I was seven, and I have some bad memories built up over that).But this is just taking things WAY too far. It seems that anytime any event happens that catches the attention of a large number of people, the environmentalists try to tie it in somehow with whatever the hell it is they’re whining about. If we keep buying into this crap, it’ll only be a matter of time before they get that stupid carbon tax passed, and then we’ll all be screwed. Human beings (much like most life forms on the planet) produce carbon dioxide. We spew carbon from our bodies constantly, in our breath, our sweat, and in all our other bodily secretions. Are we going to have a breathing tax? How about a tax on using the restroom? Is this what it will take before everyone realizes that this whole global warming thing is just one big money grab?
Why the hell is everyone so down on carbon dioxide anyway? Its contribution to the earth’s greenhouse effect is minimal at best. Yet we insist on treating it like it’s a pollutant, when in reality, it’s actually a nutrient. Along with water and sunlight, it is the basic ingredient in photosynthesis, the absolute bottom of the food chain. Plants use the three ingredients to make sugar, which, along with other nutrients in the soil, they use for food. The less intelligent animals eat the plants for food, and then the more intelligent animals eat the less intelligent animals for food, usually on a bun with ketchup and mustard. The more intelligent animals then exhale and excrete all that carbon, which is then cycled back to the plants, and thus, we have In-n-Out Burger. Which sounds pretty damn good right about now. I’ll be right back….
(Continued)So, anyway (he says between bites of a Double-Double with Ketchup, mustard and onions only), what was I talking about? Oh yeah, global warming.So here’s a question to consider: Why is it that the people who are screaming loudest for us all to change our lives to combat the theoretical threat of global warming act as if they’re automatically entitled to be excluded from the very laws they want to pass. Like the extreme environmentalists who believe that the way to save the planet is to reduce the human population to a few million. They say it as if, no matter how few people are left, they will automatically be counted among those allowed to survive.
Good enough for thee, but not for me, indeed.

Friday, February 9, 2007

8 Feet Of Snow In NY, And More Coming

Must be that global warming I keep hearing about. Apparently, if keeps getting warmer like this, we're all going to freeze to death.

More Anna Nicole

They’ve just been going on and on about this one in the media, and watching it, something occurred to me, and I want to put it out there online before someone beats me to it, just in case it turns out to be true, so I can take credit for it.
I wonder if both Anna Nicole Smith and her son, Daniel, who died five months ago, were murdered by her husband and lawyer, Howard K. Stern. I mean, she had a LOT of money. He is the father of her five month old daughter (although that may be in question). He was the only other person in the room when both she and Daniel died. Both she and Daniel collapsed and died in a similar, suspicious manner. And with both Anna and Daniel out of the way, all that money goes either to him, or her daughter, or both.
Personally, I hope it’s not true, because I’m already getting sick of this story, and just the IDEA of listening to Greta Van Susteren droning on and on about the Howard K. Smith trial is already giving me a headache.

Obama Speaks

Barack Obama, the Great White Hope of the Democrat Party, stated today that “if you look African American in this society, you're treated as an African-American.” This was in response to being asked if growing up in a white household had made him make a conscious decision to be black. “Or so I’ve heard,” he quickly added.

Thursday, February 8, 2007

Anna Nicole Smith Died For Your Sins!

Well actually, she more likely died from her own. And they were many, I’m sure, but we won’t hold them against her, seeing how she's dead and all. She was definitely capable of moments of extreme hotness, although she was just as capable of moments of equally extreme un-hotness. Supposedly, she wanted to be like Marilyn Monroe (don’t most women?), and although she was trashier than Marilyn, she managed to outlive her by three years. So I guess that’s something.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Can We At Least Still Walk And Chew Bubblegum At The Same Time?

Lawmakers in New York are working on a plan to make it illegal to use any electronic device while crossing the street in both New York City and Buffalo. Apparently, two pedestrians were killed while walking with mp3 players or something, so, New York being what it is (a liberal hell on Earth, basically), a political solution is required.
Why do we insist on dragging everything in life down to the lowest common denominator? I’ve used some sort of walkman type device while walking (in traffic, even) for over twenty years now, and I’ve never been hit by a car. Not once. You see, it’s all about having at least a tiny little nugget of common sense: “There are lots of big, heavy, fast moving objects all around me. Maybe I should pay them some attention, so as to make sure they don’t run into me.” But NOOOOOOOO!, apparently, that’s too difficult for some people. Like those morons you see in parking lots nowadays, who think that just because they have the right-a-way, that somehow makes them indestructible or something., so now they can walk directly behind a car that’s clearly backing up (it’s got it’s back-up lights on, and it’s moving backwards, what do YOU think?), and nothing bad will happen to them, so they don’t even need to pay attention.
We need to stop letting stupid people dictate the pace of civilization. I learned this hard fact back when I was seven, back when some stupid mongoloid kid accidentally swallowed and choked to death on one of the launching missiles on his older brother’s Mattel Battlestar Galactica Viper Fighter toy , and all of a sudden they passed a law requiring toys to be a sucky as possible. I hated that kid. I still hate that kid. And as I think about the two dead fools in New York who couldn’t look where they were going, and thus are going to ruin the fun of a whole bunch of other New Yorkers, I think to myself, “Thank God I live in California, where everyone is much more sensible.”

Er, wait…

Would You Like Some Cheese With That Whine?

So, Nancy Pelosi thinks that just because she’s Speaker of the House, she’s somehow entitled to have the Air Force fly her and her family and friends around on Air Force jets at the tax payer’s expense. She is citing security concerns. Not that she gives a damn about anybody’s security but her own.
Former Speaker Dennis Hastert was provided access to a smaller, commuter size Air Force jet for security reasons after 9/11. It was used only for ferrying him (and him alone) between DC and his home district. Previous to 9/11, he used commercial transport. This is NOT what Pelosi is asking for. She wants a large military jet, which she can use to go anywhere she pleases, and carry whomever she wants, when ever she wants. Basically, what she wants is Air Force Three (any aircraft the President is on is automatically given the call sign Air Force One, and the Vice-President is Air Force Two). She is, of course, claiming that any objections to this plan are pure sexism. What else would she claim; she’s a lefty whore. (And I mean whore in the purely biblical sense of the word, of course.) I thought her big thing was to get rid of corruption in congress. I guess she meant she would get rid of the old, pathetic corruption of the Republican led house, and replace it with a bigger, better, more magnificent corruption under the Democrat led house.

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

You Have GOT To Be Kidding

According to all the documentaries I’ve seen on sharks, including the “Mythbusters Jaws Special”, there has never been a recorded instance of a shark ramming and sinking a vessel the size of the Orca, the boat depicted in the movie Jaws.
There is one now.
A shrimp boat off the coast of Florida was circled and attacked by a group of bull sharks for four days, with the sharks ramming the boat and damaging its hull. The crew had to run pumps to keep the boat afloat. Eventually, a 14 foot bull shark broke the boat’s tail shaft, and the crew was forced to call for help. The boat later sank while being towed back to port.

Monday, February 5, 2007

A Voice Crying Out In The Wilderness (Or At Least Chortling In The Rec Room)

So, the global warming drum beat is being sounded louder and louder, by elected officials with a political agenda, followed by scientists scrabbling for research grants, circled by brain-dead celebrities desperate to role-play the part of “the one who would not be silent.” Of course, to REALLY play that part, you kind of have to opposing the prevailing opinion, don’t you?
Meet the real “he who would not be silent”: Dr. Tim Ball, Chairman of the National Resources Stewardship Project, a climatology professor at the University of Winnipeg in Canada, and recipient of a PhD from the University Of London, England. He’s not buying into any of this BS, and has been saying so loudly for the past 30+ years, back when we were all going to die from global cooling. Don’t take my word for it, read his article from today. Here.

Friday, February 2, 2007

I’ve Seen This Movie Before…

In the 1920’s the Germans (among others) legalized euthanasia for people with incurable, life threatening diseases. They later expanded it to include serious mental illnesses, which, back then, fell under the rubric of “feeblemindedness”. This was justified on the grounds of quality of life: the people living with these conditions were thought to be suffering from such a poor quality of life, that death was the preferable option. Suicide was allowed, even encouraged. Eventually, the costs involved in caring for those who refused suicide were seen as a drain on the quality of life for the REST of society. For these people, euthanasia became less and less a matter of choice, and more a matter of government edict. It was only AFTER this stage that the Nazis entered the picture. People forget that Germany was a long way down the road to the Final Solution well before Hitler came to power; indeed, the initial steps were taken while he was still nothing but an unknown rabble-rouser.
So now, here we are, slowly moving down that road again. Euthanasia has become so common in parts of Europe, that the doctors and nurses that administer it have become almost blasé about it. And here, today, we get this story out of Switzerland, about how the Swiss courts may expand assisted suicide to people with serious mental illness. Could somebody explain to me how someone with a serious mental illness is in any kind of mental condition to make that kind of life or death decision?I’ve never understood the idea behind the whole “assisted suicide” thing. It seems to me that as long as you’re still breathing, and your heart is still pumping, there’s hope. With all the medical breakthroughs of the past few years, and all the potential ones coming down the pike, I just can’t see ending it all over a medical condition, no matter how serious or painful it might be. I’d feel pretty stupid if they found a cure the week after I pulled the plug.
In any case, is it really up to us to decide? I’ve always thought that there are certain choices that should not be put into the hands of human beings. We’re too short sighted, too fallible, and frequently, too selfish to be allowed to decide such things as when life begins, and when it ends. Once you have that kind of power over yourself, it’s all too easy to take hold of it over another. It’s been tried many times already, and it always ends the same. As I said, I’ve seen this movie before….

Thursday, February 1, 2007


A new video has surfaced that shows Paris Hilton making racist comments about guests at a party, including use of the “N” word.
Who the hell cares? Why is this story front page on Drudge? Does anyone really care what this tramp thinks? It’s not like she’s some sort of role model for anyone, and if she is, then the people looking up to her are getting what they deserve. The only reason anyone pays any attention to her at all is the hope of catching her blowing some new guy on video, mixed with the morbid curiosity of just how far and how fast a rich spoiled brat with all the opportunities in the world can sink into the muck. Whatever. I can’t believe I wrote this much about her. It’s not like she’s Lindsay Lohan, or something.

The Word Of The Day

In case you haven’t noticed yet, the Word of the Day today is apparently “Du Jour.” This will be the fourth time I’ve used it today, and it’s only 12:30.

Was It For Inventing The Internet?

If you ever had any doubts that the Nobel Peace prize has been reduced to nothing but a gold star for the lefty nutbag du jour, this should dispel the notion.

"A prerequisite for winning the Nobel Peace Prize is making a difference, and Al Gore has made a difference," Conservative Member of Parliament Boerge Brende, a former minister of environment and then of trade, told The Associated Press.

I see. Well, inventor Ron Popeil has made a huge difference in the lives of many people around the world, with his spray on hair, his pocket fisherman, and his amazing Ginsu knife set. Does that mean we can nominate him, too?

Rush Limbaugh has been nominated for it as well. Who knows, maybe he'll get it.

Yeah, right. And maybe I'm a Chinese jet pilot..

Global Warming Ate My Homework

So is global warming becoming the excuse du jour for EVERYTHING that goes wrong? “Sorry officer, I was speeding because of global warming, I wanted to get home before it got too hot.” “Sorry I forgot your birthday, honey. It’s that damn global warming again.” I have to wonder just how long it’ll take before everyone realizes just how absurd this is all becoming.

William Arkin: Scumbag Du Jour

In this remarkably stupid article from the Washington Post’s blog, William Arkin defends his critique of our soldiers in a previous post, claiming that:

These men and women are not fighting for money with little regard for the nation. The situation might be much worse than that: Evidently, far too many in uniform believe that they are the one true nation. They hide behind the constitution and the flag and then spew an anti-Democrat, anti-liberal, anti-journalism, anti-dissent, and anti-citizen message that reflects a certain contempt for the American people. What I've heard ever since my article was published on Tuesday are a lot of people telling ME to shut up and be grateful for the sacrifices others are making. I never said we shouldn't support the troops. I just lamented that "we support them in every possible way, and their attitude is that we should in addition roll over and play dead, defer to the military and the generals and let them fight their war, and give up our rights and responsibilities to speak up because they are above society?"

I thought that anyone who talks in favor of the war but doesn’t serve was guilty of being a “chickenhawk.” So let’s see if I have this straight: If you support the war, but aren’t in uniform, you’re a chickenhawk. If you support the war and you ARE in uniform, then you have too much influence in policy, and there’s no reason we should give up our rights and responsibilities to speak out just because you’re in uniform. So, apparently, the only way you can be justified in speaking your opinion is if you oppose the war. Note to Mr. Arkin: THIS is why we call your party the Democrat Party and not the Democratic Party.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

My Name Is…

Why is it that when I heard that some advertising publicity stunt for a cartoon had backfired and shut down the entire city of Boston, I somehow just KNEW it would involve Aqua Teen Hunger Force? Well, that almost paranormal level of perception on my part was dead on: A third party marketing company hired by Cartoon Network to do a guerilla marketing campaign for the show placed dozens of small, lit circuit-boards in ten different cities across the US, each emblazoned in lights with the shape of a character from said show. Why no one else said anything about them is somewhat of a mystery, but in Boston, somebody noticed one placed on a bridge, and, security concerns being what they are, thought it might be an explosive device. The authorities were notified, and the city was brought to a screeching halt as State and Local police, as well as officials from Homeland Security, investigated. Cartoon Network has issued an abject apology, which they have also been airing every half hour during their Adult Swim broadcast.
I’m kind of torn on how to feel about this. On the one hand, this was a pretty stupid thing to do, considering the times we live in. They probably should have notified local authorities before they set this up so as to not alarm anyone. That would kind of defeat the purpose of the whole “Guerrilla Marketing” thing, though. They’ve put an entire city on alert, and cost the tax payers millions of dollars, not to mention all the lost revenue from local businesses that couldn’t conduct business during the shutdown.
On the other hand, it’s IS pretty damn funny. And there are much worse things that the State of Massachusetts and the city of Boston could be spending tax dollars on than promoting Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Like everything else they spend tax dollars on, for example.
I think an appropriate response to this would be to force Cartoon Network to do one of two things: either pay all the costs associated with the disturbance that they created, or else come clean and publicly reveal just what the hell that damn show is about, for gods sake.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

The Lefty Phrase Book Vol. I

This is the first entry in a (hopefully) continuing series that lists popular euphemisms of the Looney Liberal Left, and exactly what they mean when they use them.

“Asians”: See Muslims

Christian: Savages who follow the religion of the oppressor.

Christianity: A religion of oppression and death, determined to stomp out all others in as violent a manner as possible.

Communist: Our over-enthusiastic and excitable colleagues on the extreme left. Term has been largely replaced. See Environmentalist.

Democracy: A sacred form of government that allows the people to choose who will lead them. Just so long as they choose us.

Environmentalist: See Communist

Extreme Right-Winger: Anyone who ridicules my beliefs.

Fascists: Those who disagree with us.

Islam: A religion of peace and love, with a pan-like love of the environment, that teaches respect and tolerance of all others.

Jews: Ancient victim of the vicious Christians, who have recently found themselves caught in the middle of the Christians’ extermination of the peaceful and childlike Muslims.

Muslim: Oppressed, wide-eyed innocents who practice a religion of peace and love.

Rape: Any form of heterosexual intercourse that doesn’t involve Bill Clinton.

Right-Winger: Anyone who doesn’t share my beliefs

“Tourists”: See Muslims

“Youths”: Young, rioting Muslims.

Zionist: An uppity Jew who doesn’t know which side his bread is buttered on.