Friday, December 29, 2006

Haiku 4 U

Rope strains against flesh.
Saddam gets his just reward.
You want fries with that?

The body falls as
the lever springs the trap door
See your house from here?

The famous last words
of the man who would be God:
“Choke Choke Gurgle” die

Never it be said
that Saddam was not well hung.
Khomeini says Hi

The Kos Kids will whine.
The Dummies will crap their pants.
Who will lead them now?

Hunt For Red October,
bought for five bucks at Wal-Mart.
Gonna watch it now.

Ding Dong, The Witch Is Dead

The Arab Media is reporting that Sadam Hussein has been exectued.

Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, Saddam.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Hussein Family Reunion Scheduled For This Weekend

A glorious family reunion between Saddam Hussein and his sons Uday and Qusay has tentatively been scheduled in Hell for this weekend, sources report. Hussein, who will be traveling via the gallows, is expected to depart for the reunion by Sunday. No news yet on whether his departure will be televised, but the word is that, assuming that his neck isn’t broken instantly, the Vegas over/under on how long it will take him to die is 3 minutes, 14 seconds. I’m taking the under, but I’m hoping for the over.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

“More Dead In Iraq Than on 9/11, And What Has It Gotten Us?”

Between 45,000 and 50,000 dead scumbag terrorists, that’s what! That’s the word from this report by a Marine with boots on the ground in Iraq. I found this last paragraph most interesting:
“Morale among our guys is very high. They not only believe that they are winning, but that they are winning decisively. They are stunned and dismayed by what they see in the American press, whom they almost universally view as against them. The embedded reporters are despised and distrusted. They are inflicting casualties at a rate of 20-1 and then see shit like "Are we losing in Iraq" on TV and the print media.”
Damn reporters. General Sherman always said that reporters are worse than spies and that if he had them all shot, there’d be dispatches from Hell in the morning. Too bad we can’t test his theory.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

I’m Gonna Give You Thirty Days To Burn In Hell

Saddam’s death sentence has been upheld by Iraq’s highest appeals court. He must be hung within thirty days. Now if Castro can just time his death to coincide with Saddam’s, this could be the biggest party ever!
Interestingly, one of Saddam’s lawyers has filed an appeal with the U.S. District Court in DC to have his execution overturned on humanitarian grounds. Forgive me if I’m confused, but exactly what jurisdiction does a US court have in Iraq? Does that mean if I get a traffic ticket that I don’t want to pay, I can appeal it to a court in Kazakhstan?
And the lawyer’s appeal may be thrown out on the grounds that he isn’t a member of the DC bar. As opposed to the fact that he’s a freakin’ moron? This sounds to me like one of two things: either some weird PR move by the lawyer, or an attempt to drum up support for Saddam among the truly brain-dead sector of the moonbat class (as opposed to the larger, mostly-brain dead sector).

Monday, December 25, 2006

Okay, I'm trying to read between the lines

According to Associated Press, the Bush administration has leaned too hard on countries to report what they are doing with the money that we give them. Apparently, people who spend the U.S.'s money can't be bothered with little things like keeping track of free money. I'm sure the UN is on their side. Perhaps giving money to poor countries and asking them to show progress is really just a racist plot. I think that the new congress should investigate this as a hate crime. After all, if a few warlords can't skim money without some busybody like Bush hanging around, what good is giving aid?

RIP James Brown

From Yahoo

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Miss Nevada USA loses shirt then title

In all fairness to her, she's not the first person to lose their shirt in Nevada, and she won't be the last. Now if I could just find the pics....

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Osama bin-Laden Captured In India!

No, not THAT bin-Laden. A rouge elephant that was named Laden by locals after the famed international mass-murdering terrorist thug. The elephant was responsible for fourteen deaths and had caused untold damage in the area. 'Laden was a terror for the people. Two earlier attempts to kill the elephant had failed as Laden always managed to evade our forest teams,' he added. 'The killing of the rampaging elephant has come as a big relief for the locals.

So A Volunteer Army Isn’t Fair?


World renowned super genius Matt Damon has come to the brilliant conclusion that an all volunteer army is not fair. "I don't think that it's fair as I said before, that it seems like we have a fighting class in our country that's comprised of people who have to go for either financial reasons or, I don't think that that is fair," said Damon, 36. "And if you're gonna send people to war ... then that needs to be shared by everybody, you know, and if the president has daughters who are of age then maybe they should go too."

So, let’s see if I have this straight: it’s not fair to send people to war who have chosen of their own free will to be soldiers, but it’s much more fair to draft, and thus force, a randomly selected group of people who may or may not be willing to go, just to satisfy your vision of what the make up of the armed forces should be? That fairness is in the demography of the group as opposed to the desires of the individuals in that group? And that the President’s daughters should be sent to war against their wishes because you don’t agree with their old man’s decision to go to war? By that rationale, shouldn’t you be punished for decisions your father made that I don't agree with? Like when he chose not to use birth control, for example?

Here’s a clue for you Matt: The soldiers in our modern day armed forces are in uniform because the chose to be there. They made this choice knowing full well the risks involved, and knowing full well that if our country went to war, they would be the tip of the spear. Many of them joined up AFTER we went to war, precisely BECAUSE we were going to war, and they wanted to do their part. They are not poor, ignorant, helpless dupes as you and you buddy John Kerry believe. And they are better people than you, or him, or I, will ever be. So STFU, dumbass.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Castro Near Death; Party Preparations Commencing

Noted dictator, mass-murderer, and all around scumbag Fidel Castro is preparing to meet his maker, Satan, after months of fighting an unspecified, but possibly Aids-like, illness. Many of our imaginary readers have written to me asking, “Rick, if Castro does die, what beer should I serve at the party? Would Corona be appropriate?” The answer to this question is NO! You must serve AMERICAN beer! This is an American holiday we’re talking about here. True, Castro is Cuban, and many, if not most, Cubans wish him dead. But most of those Cubans are over here anyway. The day of Castro’s death should be a Cuban-American holiday, just as Cinco de Mayo is a Mexican-American holiday, St. Patrick’s Day is an Irish-American holiday, and Gay Pride Day is a French-American holiday. If you must serve a non-American beer, Guinness is also acceptable.
But NO HEINEKEN! Heineken is a pussy/hippie/Euro-weenie beer, drunken by those who would mourn Castro’s death. We will not tolerate Euro-trash commie-lovers, and we will not tolerate their lousy Nazi beer!

Vegetarians Are Smarter. So Say Vegetarians.

A new study out indicates that vegetarians may average up to 5 points higher on IQ tests than non-vegetarians. The study tracked 8000 volunteers aged 10 who were given IQ tests. They were later interviewed at the age of 30 to determine how many of them became vegetarians. The study concluded that those kids who had a higher IQ score at age ten were more likely to become vegetarians than those who had a lower IQ, and were more likely to have college degrees. Uhhh-DUHHH-uhhhhhH! Where the hell do you think they discovered the vegetarian lifestyle? College, that’s where! The only thing this proves is that people who travel in high-brow circles are more likely to be exposed to, and become converted to, vegetarian principals than those who don’t. I think everyone with any sense at all understood this without having to be told by some high-falutin’ study.
The only interesting news out of this study is the fact that vegans – people who don’t eat any animal based foods whatsoever – averaged 5 points lower than average.All of this reminds me of a different kind of test related to these issues, in this case a blind taste test. Up until a few years ago, McDonald’s had the best tasting fries, and most everyone agreed about this, including vegetarians and vegans. I’ve known both vegetarians and vegans who loved McDonald’s fries. Granted, this is anecdotal, but stay with me here. McDonalds had the best fires, until it was revealed that one of the ingredients that McDonald’s added to their fries was natural beef flavorings. They were in fact sued for this by several Hindu families for not revealing this to the public. Cows are sacred to Hindus, and by eating McDonald’s fries, they had unintentionally violated one of the tenants of their religion. McDonald’s responded by removing these flavorings from their fries, and the flavor suffered. It’s now considered a truism that McDonald’s HAD the best fries. In other words, beef flavorings make fries taste good. Why? Because beef tastes good.
So let’s recap: vegetarians are smarter than meat-eaters, but meat-eaters are smarter than vegans. And all of them agree that beef is good. Even if they refuse to admit it. Or, to quote noted meat philosopher Dennis Leary, “Not eating meat is a decision, eating meat is an instinct.”
So all you vegetarians and vegans out there, go ahead and have a burger, it’s on me. You can do it, because Dennis and I say you can.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Russian Roulette, American Style

So, Dick “The Turban” Durban is going to oversee detainee treatment, and Patrick Leahy is going to be overseeing the FBI. Here’s an idea: why don’t we just cut to the chase and elect Osama bin-Laden President? He can declare martial law, and force Shari’a law down our throats, and it’ll just be the same place the Democrats are trying to take us to anyway.
9/11/01 was supposed to be a wake up call to the threats that America faced. Looks like we hit the snooze button. Between the Dems in power trying to pretend it’s still 9/10/01, the moonbats yelling “Bush lied, kids died” to anyone who’ll stand still for three seconds, and the 9/11 conspiracy crowd claiming it’s all a government con job, it’s becoming obvious that we won’t really wake up to what’s going on until we get hit REALLY hard. It’s like we’re playing Russian Roulette or something. The only question is who is the gun going to be pointed at when it finally goes off? New York? D.C.? L.A.? Miami? Vegas? Oh, God, please don’t let it be Vegas.
For some reason, I just can’t get that old George Michael song “Praying For Time” out of my head. I wonder why.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Trivia Question

Q. How many members of the Iraq Study Group does it take to surrender to the Islamo-Fascists?



A. Apparently, all of them.

Barack Obama, Man Of Color

Barak Obama, not to be confused with Borat Sagdiyev, believes that people who will not vote for him because of the color of his skin are the same people who would probably not vote for him because of his politics. In other words, any one who’s racist must not belong to his political party, because we all know that Democrats can’t be racists. Therefore, anyone who’s racist must be a Republican.
Refresh my memory here, because I seem to be confused. Which party has a former clansman as a serving Senator? Which party refers to this former clansman as ‘The Conscience of the Senate?”
Here’s another question: am I really supposed to buy that Obama is black? You must be joking. First you tell me Michael Jackson is black, now it’s Barack Obama. Who’s it going to be next, Kathy Griffin?

Our Fearless Leaders

Representative Silvestre Reyes (D-Texas), recently appointed House Intelligence Chairman, seems to be having difficulty with the concept. When quizzed on his knowledge of terrorist organizations, he was unable to answer any questions about Hezbollah, and when asked whether al-Qaeda was a Sunni or Shiite organization, he answered “probably both.” They are Sunni only. He also identified Osama bin Laden as “the taxi driver who drove me here today”, and Hamas as “some sort of sandwich spread.”

The Holocaust Denial Kids Throw A Block Party

Why is it that the people who deny the Holocaust ever happened and the people who want to perpetrate a new one are always the same damn people? It’s like they’re saying, “The Holocaust never happened, but we’re working on it.”
So now we’ve got all the least stable people this side of Crispin Glover’s house meeting in Iran to discuss why the Holocaust never happened and how to remedy it: you’ve got your Mahmoud I’m-mad-in-the-head from Iran, you’ve got the so-called Jewish Rabbis of Neturei Karta, the prototypes for the “self-hating” Jew. You’ve even got your David Duke, KKK member extraordinaire, who al-Reuters is now describing as an “academic”, which makes sense I guess, considering how many anti-Semitic, anti-Israel clowns there are in academia nowadays. I guess if you can mistake one ex-KKK clown for a Senator, it’s pretty easy to mistake another for an academic. Personally, I would describe this whole conference as a target rich environment.

So Long, Jerk-Wad

Kofi Annan is no longer the Secretary General of The UN. At last! The evil, corrupt monster will finally be replaced with another evil, corrupt monster. Jules Crittenden has a great translation of his speech from BS to English. Best line in the piece (and one that sums the UN up to a tee) “Here's a sack of flour, dirty tragic dying person. Someone will be around to study your plight shortly.”

Monday, December 11, 2006

Is The Cat Out Of The Bag?

Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert may or may not have admitted today that Israel has nuclear weapons. If this is the case, it would put an end to Israel’s decade’s long policy of nuclear ambiguity, which has kept both friend and foe alike guessing as to Israel’s full military capabilities. Why they would want to be ambiguous is obvious: keeping your enemies in the dark about what your capable of makes them reluctant to attack you for fear of biting off more than they can chew. The real question is: why would he end the policy? Here are several possibilities as to why Olmert may have made this revelation:

1. Olmert is an idiot.
There is precedent for this theory. Olmert’s handling of this summer’s engagement with Hamas in Lebanon was disastrous, despite an excellent showing in the opening stages of the conflict. In fact, the word on the street is that Olmert is an Israeli Bill Clinton, a publicity hound with more interest in his own political fortunes than in the fortunes of his own country.

2. Olmert is trying to scare the Iranians
In which case, see #1. This will do little to discourage the Iranians from developing nukes, as all indications are that the Iranians are prepared to use them regardless of what the consequences are for their own country. Revealing Israel’s true nuclear posture only gives Iran (and other Middle Eastern countries) an excuse to develop their own nukes: “The Israelis have them, so we need them to defend ourselves from the Zionist aggressors”. It’s a load of crap, but there are a lot of international organizations that are also full of crap and will buy into it for no other reason than it will piss off the US. Like the UN, for example.

3. Olmert is trying to rattle the European’s cage.
By revealing that Israel has nukes, Olmert may cause an arms race between Israel and other Middle Eastern countries that feel they need to have them. Or that just want them, and now have an excuse to get them. In other words, he is threatening to start a huge nuclear arms race amongst a bunch of crazy people who happen to be right in Europe’s back yard. He could be hoping to force Europe to become more engaged in the effort to stop Iran from acquiring nukes in the first place. This could work. It could also backfire spectacularly, giving the increasingly anti-Semitic European powers an opportunity to send the IAEA on a nuclear witch hunt all throughout Israel in order to appease their large population of Muslim immigrants.

4. Olmert is trying to rattle the US’s cage.
This is a very real possibility. With the Chamberlainesque Iraq Study Group (also known as the Iraq Surrender Group) attempting to throw our friends in Israel to the alligator in the hope that he’ll eat us last, Israel may be sending us a little reminder that they have the potential to mess up any plans that we might have for the middle East that don’t happen to include Israel’s survival as a key piece of the puzzle. The majority of the world’s oil comes from the ME. It wouldn’t do anyone much good if it was too radioactive for consumers to safely use.
Personally, I think this is a rare case where the answer may actually be appeasement. I believe that as a show of good faith with the Israelis, we should take James Baker, Lee Hamilton, and the rest of the Iraq Surrender Group, and lock them back up in the old folks home where they belong. Maybe then Israel could calm down and get on to the serious business of annihilating Hamas.It is worth noting that the Israeli government stated after Olmert’s comments that the Prime Minister had not made a misstatement, and that this did not signal a change of policy for the Israeli government. Which would seem to be a contradiction, wouldn’t it?

Friday, December 8, 2006

Christmas Cards

Have you sent out your Christmas cards yet? ‘Tis the season, you know. While you’re making out your list of people to send cards to, we here at Castro Burn In Hell would like to suggest a couple of recipients that are deserving of being added to your holiday list:

The American Civil Liberties Union:
The ACLU is a hard working organization that loves the Christmas season. They’re a very religious group, so make sure to send them a very religious themed card. Perhaps one with Jesus on it. I just know they would love to get a nice “Season’s Greetings” from all our readers. Their mailing address is:

ACLU
125 Broad Street
18th Floor
New York, NY 10004

The Council on American-Islamic Relations
CAIR is another hard working organization that would love to be added to your holiday card list. One thing to keep in mind with CAIR though is that they aren’t Christians, so don’t send a Christmas card. Send a Hanukah card instead. In fact, you might want to send eight cards, each one timed to land on one of the “eight crazy nights” of Hanukah. I’m sure they would love to know you’re thinking of them this Hanukah season, and their mailing address is:

CAIR
453 New Jersey Ave SE
Washington, DC 20003-4034

Jeane Kirkpatrick RIP

You have to admire any UN Ambassador who hated the UN as much as Jeane Kirkpatrick. A Ronald Reagan appointee and disciple, Kirkpatrick, who was the first female US Ambassador to the UN, passed away today at the age of 80. She will be sorely missed.

Thursday, December 7, 2006

Iraq Is Not Vietnam, But We’re Working On It

In January of 1973, then President Richard Nixon, after years of war and failed negotiations, brokered a peace treaty between North and South Vietnam. The south had won its right to exist as an independent nation. It would receive financial and military aid from the US, along with the promise of air support from the US Air Force in the event of a future attack by the north. The north would get an end to the highly effective bombing campaign waged against it over the past few months, and would now have the necessary breathing room to regroup and rearm in case circumstances changed, allowing them the opportunity to invade the south again in the near future.
They wouldn’t have to wait long.
The Democrats, who were dominated by the anti-war crowd, had complete control of congress. President Nixon, who had promised support to the government of South Vietnam, found his Presidency in a death spiral in the aftermath of the Watergate break-in and resulting scandal. With American willpower dwindling, and congress cutting the necessary funding for the south, the opportunity the north was looking appeared, no more than a year after the end of hostilities, and far sooner than they had expected. They took the opportunity, and invaded the south again.
As the NVA pushed further and further into the heart of the south, the government of South Vietnam begged our government for the promised help. Funding had been cut by congress and the equipment actually getting through simply wasn’t enough. President Nixon attempted to use the Air Force to bomb the north again, but congress intervened to stop him. Not much later, Nixon was forced to resign rather than face impeachment over Watergate, putting milquetoast Gerald Ford in the Oval Office. Ford issued a pardon for Nixon, enraging the Democrat congress, and losing any potential support he may have had for helping the South Vietnamese. The south was on its own.
As the NVA pushed closer and closer to Saigon, the capital of South Vietnam, and it became obvious that the south would soon fall, the US began making preparations to evacuate all remaining personnel from the country. As word of this spread, panic gripped the capital. It was understood that anyone who had opposed the north in any way would not survive for long once they had control over the south. Crowds of Vietnamese soldiers and citizens began clamoring at the gates of the US Embassy in Saigon, in the desperate, and futile, hope of being evacuated with the Americans. Very few made it out. On April 28th, 1975, the last Marine helicopter lifted off from the roof of the US Embassy. The footage of that event has been seen the world over. It is a stunning image of US weakness and lack of resolve, and the consequences of that weakness reverberated throughout Southeast Asia.
After Vietnam fell, several other countries in the region also fell to their own brand of homegrown communist insurgents. One of these countries was Cambodia, where Pol Pot and his Khmer Rouge, in an attempt to start Cambodian civilization over as a collectivist state, put nearly one third of the country’s population to the sword. The dominos were falling, just as the anti-communists had predicted they would.
Now, those who know me may be wondering why I’m bringing up these events in relation to Iraq. I’ve never been one to believe that Iraq-Vietnam parallels were particularly helpful, as the two situations are so radically different. I still maintain that this is the case. That doesn’t mean, however, that powerful forces in the media and the Democratic Party aren’t doing everything they can to make these analogies viable. Before the last election, the defeatists could be written off as marginalized throwbacks to a darker era. Now, the throwbacks have been thrown back into power, and, with the release of the Iraq Study Group’s final report, a repeat performance of the darkest chapter in American foreign relations may soon be upon us. This is not to suggest that the President will give in to the pressure to cut and run from Iraq, but, even if he stands firm on his principles, congress can still pull the rug from under him, just as they did to Nixon some thirty plus years ago.The President must stand firm against the forces of surrender, but, at the same time, we must stand in support of him. The American people must demonstrate to congress that we will not accept defeat or surrender. If we don’t, we may be watching that last helicopter leaving again, only this time it will be from our embassy in Iraq. And the consequences will be far worse: Our failure in Vietnam emboldened our enemy, the Soviet Union, into expanding into countries other than our own. If we fail in Iraq, our enemy will expand into our own country. Simply put, if we bring the troops home prematurely, the terrorists will follow.

Wednesday, December 6, 2006

Water On Mars?

NASA has released photos taken of the surface of Mars that indicate that liquid water may have flowed on the surface of the red planet as recently as five years ago. This has greatly bolstered efforts to continue the search for life on Mars, as the presence of liquid water is a precursor to the presence of life. Although there is no way to determine what form life might take if it is present on Mars, scientists have discovered, after careful, painstaking statistical analysis, that it would probably taste like chicken.

Monday, December 4, 2006

Why A Lunar Base?

NASA has announced it plans to have a fully staffed base on the moon by 2024. Many have asked “Why the moon?”

This is why the moon.

My Official Castro Burn In Hell Christmas Wish List

I want a copy of the Koran written in Esperanto and autographed by Mohammad.

I want a PA system in my car so that I can loudly and publicly criticize other drivers.

I want a stereo that can pick up signals from extra-terrestrials.

I want my very own Senator.

I want a T-1000 that’s programmed to protect me at all costs.

I want James Bond and Superman to both go back to the way they were before they became gay.

I want an apology from Mahmoud Ahmadinejad for continually reminding me of Balki from “Perfect Strangers.”

I want a new season of “Futurama.” NOW!

I want a time machine so that I can go back in time and prevent Mayonnaise from ever being invented.

I want a written explanation why Nancy Grace and Greta Van Sustren have their own TV shows.

I want a 4 CPU Dual Core Xeon computer with 32 gigabytes of RAM, a 10 terabyte hard drive, a video card with 2 gigabytes of video memory, a 102 inch flat panel plasma monitor, a combination Blu-Ray/HD DVD+/-RW Dual Layer DVD burner, a wireless keyboard and mouse, and a 1.44 megabyte floppy drive, running Microsoft Windows 3.0 on top of DOS 3.3

I want a perfect condition 6.5mm Mannlicher-Carcano rifle autographed by John F. Kennedy and Lee Harvey Oswald.

I want a space based laser weapons system capable of vaporizing individual Democrats from orbit.

I want an iPod filled with every song William Shatner ever recorded, so that I can delete them all and replace them with anything else.

Lastly, I want a picture of Nancy Pelosi where she DOESN’T look like she just re-animated.
I
know I’m probably asking for a bit much with that last one, but what the hell, it’s Christmas.

Sunday, December 3, 2006

What's So Wrong With Beating Our Enemies By Out Spending Them?

We live in a time of increasing nuclear peril. One Muslim country, Pakistan, already has nukes. A second, Iran, who is much more antagonistic towards us, is developing them, along with the medium range missiles necessary to use them on Israel and Europe. North Korea probably already has them, and is working on long range ballistic missiles capable of hitting us. Of course, we can’t forget China, who has had primitive nukes and ICBMs for decades, but has only recently, through espionage, acquired systems in line with our own. We also can’t forget Russia: a dormant threat, but not an extinct one. Amidst these threats, the only real, credible hope we have of deterring or even stopping a nuclear missile attack on this country is with a working, fully operational, and fully deployed missile defense system. Yet, predictably, in this time of gathering storm clouds, it is the newly elected Democrat majority in congress that is threatening to take away our umbrella.
In the eighties, when a missile defense system was first proposed in earnest by the Reagan Administration under the Strategic Defense Initiative (SDI), the two main arguments used against it were that it would be “de-stabilizing”, and that the technology necessary to get it working was a good twenty years out. Well, it’s been twenty plus years now. The stability issue seems to have faded, and the technology to get a basic, first generation system up and running is here. Launch sites have been set up in Alaska and California; indeed the system was even brought online in late June of this year with an eye towards possibly shooting down North Korea’s Taep’o-dong 2 missile if it was test launched against the protests of the entire world. It’s entirely possible that it would have succeeded in shooting down that missile when it was launched, had the target stayed airborne long enough for us to even try.
Much progress has been made, although there is still testing and tweaking to be done in order to make the system completely reliable. It is this necessary testing that is giving some long-time foes of missile defense their opening to attempt to cut funding for the program, with an eye toward eventually killing it. By using the “testing issue”, program opponents, led by Senator Carl Levin, can set an impossibly high standard for the system to live up to.
All of this is symptomatic of the Democrats continuing inability to understand a key fact in both life and war: The perfect is the enemy of the good. Yes, the system may not be perfect, and probably never will be. Yes, some of the interceptors may fail to hit their target. This is to be expected at this early stage of development. It is not yet a mature technology. It is, however, much cheaper than the alternative. An interceptor missile, even at this early stage of development, is far, far cheaper than the cost of the nuclear missile it is targeting. One interceptor launched at an ICBM may miss, but ten launched at the same target will not, and will still be less expensive than the nuke they destroy. If our enemies can build dozens of nukes a year, surely we can build hundreds or even thousands of interceptors per year to mach.
Some may consider this approach wasteful, but it is surely less wasteful than the alternative of allowing a nuclear missile launched by a foreign foe to vaporize one or more American cities. Senator Levin should be reminded that his constituents will not be amused to find one of their state’s major cities destroyed because he felt protecting it wasn’t worth the cost of a handful of interceptor missiles.
There is also the argument that a missile defense system will not protect us from the threat of a terrorist nuke smuggled across our boarders and detonated inside one of our cities without warning. This is very true, in much the same way that it’s true that the fire department won’t be able to help me if someone is trying to break into my house. Yet, I don’t hear any calls for disbanding the fire department on those grounds. If you’re trying to make breakfast, you don’t throw out the toaster for being unable to properly fry an egg.
None of these arguments successfully distract from the basic point that once an enemy ballistic missile is fired at you, the only two responses are either to shoot it down, or to take the hit like a man. I know which course of action I prefer, and when it comes right down to it, I think that given the choice, the majority of Americans would agree with me. It’s disturbing that this newly elected congress, who has expressed a desire to be taken seriously on matters of national security, seem to disagree.

Saturday, December 2, 2006

Bush To Announce "Orbital Battle Station"


The Bush Administration is planning to ask Congress for the funding to develop an orbital battle station to deal with the increasing nuclear threat from enemy countries such as Iran, North Korea, and France. The system would consist of several stations located in geo-synchronous orbit at strategic locations around the planet, capable of firing at and destroying ballistic missiles while they are still in the boost phase, the most vulnerable time for a missile. Unfortunately, we can expect much resistance toward this plan from the newly elected Democrat congress. “The only way I would agree to this”, stated Senator John Kerry (D-Nazichusettes), “would be if these stations were manned by our enemies and pointed directly at us. After all, as everyone knows, the US is the greatest threat to world peace. Building these stations for other countries instead of ourselves, thus keeping them out of the hands of our ignorant, uneducated soldiers, is the only way to level the playing field and insure true stability. I would also just like to point out that I know a great deal about this subject, having served in Vietnam.”

Thursday, November 30, 2006

To Drink, Or Not To Drink?


So, everybody’s talking about this Danny DeVito incident on “The View”. Not that I’ve seen it or anything. I wouldn’t watch “The View” if Jesus begged me to. But, for the record, I approve of DeVito’s performance. Not the whole bashing the President thing. That’s just trite and boring now. I mean the whole being drunk thing. I approve of drunken midgets. So let’s raise up a cold pint of Guinness for Danny DeVito, Castro Burn In Hell’s “Drunken Midget Of The Day!”

That's Gotta Be Rough On Those Pan-Pacific Flights....

China Southern Airlines has come up with a great new method to cut back on fuel costs: encourage passengers to use the restroom before boarding the plane. It seems that every flush at 30,000 ft uses almost a quart of fuel. If you have 200 passengers, and each one uses the restroom once, that’s 50 gallons of fuel. Since the average price of Jet A is currently at $4.00 a gallon, that’s $200 dollars saved if no one uses the john in flight. In other words, what a bunch of cheap ass bastards!Does that mean that politicians won’t be able to fly on that airline, seeing as they’re all full of crap, and suffer from diarrhea of the mouth? Your guess is as good as mine.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Mahmoud I'm-Mad-In-The-Head Strikes Again


Iranian “President” Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has written another letter, this time to the American public instead of to President Bush. After careful analysis, experts are divided as to whether the letter was ghost written by Howard Dean, or merely translated into English by him. However, if you ignore all the DNC talking points sprinkled throughout the piece to curry favor with the moonbat left, you’ll find a more ominous purpose to it all, as pointed out in this article by Kenneth Timmerman:
But to focus on these parts of his letter, however silly and objectionable they may be, would be to miss the main point. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is not the Hugo Chavez of the Persian Gulf. He knows that soon he will have his finger on the nuclear trigger.
Citing from the Quran at the close of his letter, he says that if Americans "repent" of their "injustice," they will be blessed with many gifts. "We should all heed the divine Word of the Holy Qur'an," he says.
The context of this particular verse (28:67-28, Sura "Al-Qasas," or The Narration), is very clear. It follows a graphic description of destruction and devastation that will befall those who fail to repent of their injustice.
It also sets out the terms of the tradition Muslim warning to the enemies of Allah. "And never will your Lord destroy the towns until He sends to their mother town a Messenger reciting to them Our Verses." This is is precisely what Ahmadinejad is doing in his letter.
Dump Bush, allow the Muslims to destroy Israel, and adopt Islam — or else you will be destroyed. This is Ahmadinejad's message

New York Times In Potential Republican Take Over?

Insurance mogul and big time republican Maurice Greenberg is attempting to acquire controlling interest in the New York Times. Many on the left are concerned that he may force a shift in the paper’s political alignment. Not likely. After all, the McClatchy family owns the Sacramento Bee, and even though they’re hard core Republicans, the paper remains the steaming pile of liberal crap it always has been. I doubt he’ll make any major changes to the paper, unless it’s necessary to improve sales. Something the Times hasn’t been too successful with lately. On the other hand, maybe that’s what it’ll take to save the old grey beast. In any event, even if it does move to the right, it’ll still only be suitable for wrapping fish. It’s just that now, the paper won’t actually stink worse than the fish.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Plans For ABBA Museum Unveiled In Sweden

A museum dedicated to the Swedish pop group ABBA and its four members will open in Stockholm in 2008, organizers said Tuesday. They are hoping it will be at least as successful as the museum dedicated to OMC in New Zealand, which opened last year to dozens of visitors.

Pelosi Decides Against Hastings


House Speaker-Elect Nancy Pelosi (D-Homorabia) today decided not to appoint Representative Alcee Hastings (D-Crooksville) as Chairman of the House Intelligence Committee. When asked as to the reasons for her decision, Pelosi replied, “The amount of corruption in his past makes him ineligible for a committee chairmanship in the Democratic Party. He’s going to need to start taking more bribes if he wants to move up to the big leagues. It might also help him if he were to molest or kill a couple of his campaign aides, but that’s just a suggestion.”

Carter Denies Anti-Semitism

Ex-ex-President Jimmy Carter today denied claims that he is pro-Palestinian, anti-Israel, and anti-Semitic. “I’m not taking a side in this matter,“ stated Carter, while sucking the marrow from the femur of a small Jewish child at a Hamas charity luncheon he was attending. “I’m merely taking the course of action that seems the most reasonable to me. America needs to take a key role in suppressing the Israeli menace. I think if the United States won’t take that role on, then maybe the entire group of the so-called International Quartet, the United States, Russia, the United Nations, and the United — and the European Union — those four have written a road map which President Bush has endorsed enthusiastically,” he continued between bites. “And if they can implement their terms — by the way, on which the Palestinians have accepted 100 percent and the Israelis have rejected almost entirely — if the road map terms are accepted, then we can have peace in the Middle East.”

The 'splodydopes are out in force to protest the Holy Father's visit to Turkey. If the women in the photo are any indication, I can understand why Islam makes it's women wear veils: The same reason we don't allow Cindy Sheehag to wear spandex in public.

What The Islamists Have Learned

Here's a link to a brilliant article from the Weekly Standard by Michael Novak that sums up our biggest weakness in the War on Terror.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Chavez Screams: “Please Kill Me, Kill Me Now!”

Suicidal dictator and future Trivial Pursuit question Hugo Chavez vowed to defeat “the most powerful empire on Earth by knockout,” referring, of course, to the United States.
Why do all the weird, creepy looking dictators feel they have to stand up and make fools of themselves to get attention? There are other ways to do so, such as by dating dictator-loving Hollywood starlets, giving away their ill-gotten gains to a worthy charity, or even blowing their brains out with a high-caliber weapon. Surely one of these much superior attention getting methods would be a more respectable solution for Chavez than acting the fool until we have no other choice but to drop a MOAB down the front of his pants.

Phil Donahue To Make Anti-War Film

Legendary liberal talk-show host Phil Donahue has revealed that he is making an anti-war documentary about the situation in Iraq. Word on the street is that no one is interested, and that no one really cares.

One In Six Americans Could Be Directly Affected By Global Warming Hype

According to a startling study released today, at least one in six Americans has fallen prey to Global Warming hype and BS. Millions of Americans, concerned about warnings that 2006 would be the worst hurricane season on record, leading to wholesale death and destruction on a biblical scale, ran out and spent millions of dollars on emergency food and supplies for a disaster that never materialized. With the hurricane season rapidly coming to a close, it appears that the 2006 season was one of the mildest on record. In other words, no, Virginia, the world isn’t going to end tomorrow, and, yes, you’re still going to have to get up and go to work.

Flashback: “One In Six Americans Could Be Directly Affected By The 2006 Hurricane Season”

Here

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

IT'S WAR!!!


Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war! The President's daughter has been defiled! Robbed! In Argentina! War is our only option! We must nuke Iran now! And North Korea! And China! And Berkley! This is no time for talk! It’s time for action! Or Something! Or not.
Whatever…..

Sheehan Protests BSAE Program


After analyzing this picture and consulting the internet, we've determined that Cindy Sheehan is protesting any military involvement in BSAE, which is the Bachelor of Science in Engineering (Aeronautical). We here at Castro Burn In Hell are not sure exactly why she has a problem with this program, except that maybe it's because she's fully insane and has a problem with a lot of things that reasonable people would find perfectly normal.

Reno Flings Feces


Former Attorney General Janet Reno has filed court papers stating that the Bush Administration's intent to prosecute a suspected terrorist outside the court system sets a dangerous precedent. "Oohh-oohhh-aggg-agg-huhh-huhh," stated Reno. "Ahhh-ahhh-ogg-oga-ppppthththth!" Attorney General Alberto Gonzales was unavailable for comment.

Monday, November 20, 2006

al-Qaeda Archives


Mohammad Atta's widow Betsy poses with the trainer aircraft that he never learned to land.

What A Great Job They're Doing!

It's amazing. All the bad news we were hearing about the economy before the election, and within days of the Donks winning control of congress, everything's honky-dory. Poverty, hunger, homelessnes, economic uncertainty, it's all gone now. They haven't even taken office yet, and they've fixed all the worlds problems. What great, wonderful people they must be. So knowledgeble and wise.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Huckabee Says Campaign Laws Aid McCain

Of course the campaign finance laws give preferential aid to John McCain’s Presidential run. Who do you think wrote the law, anyway? He knows damn well that he’ll need all the help he can get, considering how most conservatives actually feel about him.

Dutch To Ban Wearing Of Muslim Burqa In Public

Nice to see that SOMEONE still has the balls to stand up to the Islamo-fascists

Strong Leonid Meteor Shower This Weekend

The Leonid meteor shower, which re-occurs every year around this time, will be especially strong this year. No word from NASA as to whether or not this has anything to do with their planned mission to attempt to move or destroy an asteroid as a test to determine the best way to do so. I’m not suggesting that the asteroids are attempting a pre-emptive strike or anything, although I understand the Bruce Willis has been placed on alert.

French UN Troops Prepare Guns Against Israeli Jets

The French are threatening to shoot down Israeli jets that are flying over Lebanon to gather evidence of Hezbollah rearming itself. The French are SUPPOSED to be there to PREVENT Hezbollah from rearming. So, in other words, the French are threatening to attack the Israelis fro gathering evidence of the French not doing their job. All I can say is go ahead and attack the Israelis. It’s your funeral. And you can’t spell funeral without FUN

Arctic Resists Warming

The evil forces of mankind have been pushing the arctic to its demise, but now the arctic is fighting back! See the amazing new movie!
Isn’t it interesting? The temperatures in the arctic begin rising over the course of 30 odd years, and a huge battle erupts over what’s causing it. On one side, is the global warming crowd that says that man is responsible for the changes because of industrial pollution. On the other, global warming skeptics, who argue that these are merely fluctuations in the Earth’s natural temperature, and are perfectly normal. Now, we find that the arctic warming trend is beginning to reverse itself due to cyclic changes in ocean currents, and that temperatures are heading back to what were considered normal. You’d think that would tend to confirm the fluctuation hypothesis.
WRONG!
There is no amount of evidence that the global warming crowd can’t overcome. If the evidence fits their theory, they trumpet it loud and long in the media. If it doesn’t, they spin it till it does. That’s how we get this juvenile anthropomorphization of nature.And they say the right is anti-science.

Right Wingers Outgive Lefties

Here’s a report from a lefty professor that say that people in the religious right tend to give more to charity than liberals do. This should be surprising to no one except liberals. A religious conservative’s idea of giving to charity is to donate money, time, or possessions to a charity. A lefty’s idea of giving to charity is to raise taxes on everybody, and then use the proceeds to fund massive government programs that will give SOME of that money to the needy. Sort of the bureaucratic Robin Hood approach.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

NASA Studies Suicide Mission To Asteroid

In an attempt to determine the best possible method of deflecting a potential incoming asteroid, NASA is planning a manned mission to one of the orbiting rocks in the near future. The proposed plan involves landing an as yet undesigned manned space vehicle on the surface of a Near Earth Asteroid, drilling a hole in it’s crust to a depth of 800 meters, dropping a nuclear weapon down the hole, and then being destroyed by the resulting explosion while vainly trying to escape. The resulting debris from the asteroid will then fall harmlessly to Earth, destroying civilization as we know it. If this plan sounds somewhat familiar to you, then you probably saw “Armageddon”, the film from which the plan was cribbed. No, Bruce Willis won’t be involved. I’d feel more comfortable with the plan if he were. It also says much about the state of NASA that current policy is being driven by Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay.

UPDATE:
The scariest part of all is that if they asked me to go, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Milton Friedman RIP

One of the all time greats has passed. Nobel Prize winner Milton Friedman, whose economic theories influenced a generation, and were the underpinnings of the Regan Revolution, died today at the age of 94. Friedman was best known for his book and accompanying PBS series Free To Choose, which explained the importance of individual economic liberty in maintaining national economic prosperity. "Before Milton, economists were not taken seriously by public policy-makers," said St. Louis Federal Reserve Bank President William Poole. "He was an extraordinarily important figure in the profession."
In a time when Republicans so need to be reminded of the economic principles that guide their movement, his is a voice that will be sorely missed.

“Do You Punch Little Buttons And Things?”

CNN talk host Larry King recently admitted that he has never used the internet. He has no clue how to access it, asking “Do You Punch Little Buttons And Things?”
Other things King has admitted to never having used:
Toilet Paper
Toothpaste
Public Restrooms
Medicinal Marijuana
The “Ten Items or Less” lane
Any sort of deodorant product
A professional barber

Naval Vessel Imitates Namesake


Today the Seawolf class attack sub U.S.S. Jimmy Carter imitated the economic policies of it’s namesake by sinking beneath the waves. The Captain of the boat, who requested not to be identified, expressed deep regret that he had been placed in command of a vessel named for America’s most ex of ex-Presidents, and hoped that it would not be viewed as a blemish on his career, and that everyone should stop laughing at him.
In a related note, ex-ex-President Jimmy Carter, whose new book “Palestine: Peace Not Apartheid” is available in bargain racks and sanitary landfills everywhere, could be appointed to head the U.N. Commission for Blaming Israel for Basically Everything That’s Ever Gone Wrong Ever. We’re sure the anti-Semitic old fool will do a fantastic job in his new post.
In any event, here’s a great photo of President Carter in 1979 being attacked by a killer rabbit while fishing. The rabbit is in the lower right corner of the frame, swimming away from Carter after having bitten a large chunk out of his political future.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Engineers Create Music From Air Guitar


Researchers in Canberra, Australia today announced the development of a t-shirt that would allow the wearer to create music simply by playing air guitar. The system, which utilizes motion sensors placed within the shirt to detect arm movements by the wearer and then transfer them to a computer, promises to be a quantum leap forward for dorky white males who listen to classic rock. The company plans to offer the system for sale as soon as they develop a safety circuit to prevent the playing of Stairway To Heaven.

Falco Named Chairman, CEO Of AOL Unit


Time Warner Inc. named a veteran ‘80s musician Falco Wednesday to head its AOL division. The division, which has seen declining revenues in the past few years, recently started giving away e-mail accounts, software, and other features that were originally intended for paying customers. Falco, who died in a bus accident of February 6, 1998, was unavailable for comment.

New Pakistani Rape Laws Anger Islamo-Fascists

A new amendment to Pakistan’s rape laws was passed by the country’s lower house today, removing a clause inspired by the Koran that requires four witnesses to prove a charge of rape. It also removed the death penalty for consensual sex outside of marriage.
“This is an outrage!” decried on Islamic cleric. “How are we supposed to get new converts if we cannot give them the right to rape who they like, when they like, without fear of reprisal? This is a blow aimed at the very heart of Islam and the teachings of Muhammad!” Amnesty International, after roundly condemning President Bush and the state of Israel, stated that it was cautiously optimistic about the new law, and hoped this would contribute to a lower number of rapes in the country, particularly among the U.N. Peacekeepers in the region

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Breaking News: Hollywood To Release Pretentious Film About Dead Liberal Icon

In a stunning development, this Thanksgiving, MGM will release a pretentious crap-fest about dead liberal icon Robert Kennedy. The film titled simply “Bobby”, which was written and directed by noted auteur Emilio Estevez, centers around the assassination of the would be Democratic Presidential Nominee on June 6th, 1968, by a Muslim, Sirhan Sirhan. In actuality, this film should provide an amazing insight into the way the liberal mind works: A Presidential candidate is assassinated by a Muslim extremist, and what’s the lesson to be drawn from it? Republicans are bad.

Stunning. Simply stunning. I can’t believe anyone voted for these tools.

Plans?! We Don't Need No Stinkin' Plans!

A poll released today reveals that most Americans believe that the War in Iraq should be the Democrats main focus, but nearly 60% of respondents said that they don’t believe that the Democrats have a plan for dealing with Iraq, even though over 50% of the electorate voted Democrat this election cycle. Experts refer to this phenomenon as cognitive dissonance, which is often caused by stupid people being allowed to vote.

Toys For Tots Rejects Jesus Doll

The Toys For Tots program run by the United States Marine Corp Reserves has turned down 4000 Talking Jesus Dolls on the grounds that the doll is “boring, and no kid in his right mind would ever want to play with it.” Many religious groups have complained about this action stating “Just because it’s boring doesn’t mean they shouldn’t take it. If all toys have to be fun for anybody to want them, then how come “Toys That Teach” is still in business?”
Spokesmen from the Marine Reserves had no comment on this, except to say that the 4000 Talking Jesus dolls will be replaced by 4000 “Buck, the Kick-Ass Marine” action figures, which includes a fully functional miniature M-16, three working grenades, a real K-Bar knife, and the severed, be-turbaned heads of six Iraqi terrorists. Hoo-ahh!

New Form Of Birth Control Discovered


Scientists working for Proctor and Gamble have discovered a new form of birth control that works visually, eliminating the need for any harsh and potentially unsafe chemicals. The new method, consisting solely of a picture of aging reporter Helen Thomas, was found to completely eliminate the reproductive impulse in mice, chimpanzees, and humans, regardless of gender. “It truly is an amazing discovery”, stated one project scientist. “This method not only inhibits reproduction for up to 48 hours, but can actually reduce sperm counts in the user by up to 75%, without any side effects.” The new method, currently named RU-7734, still has a major hurdle to overcome in the form of the FDA. “It may, in fact, be impossible to get method this through approval, as displaying un-retouched photos of Helen Thomas to humans has been classified as a war crime by the U.N. Commission on Human Rights, and has been roundly condemned by Amnesty International. So we could have a long hard fight ahead of us.”

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Guess What? It's Much Worse!

The Donks are getting ready to cut-and-run. They haven’t even officially taken control of the congress yet, and they’re already working on plans to wreck the place. And this was just the first week after the elections. I can’t wait to see what they have planed for this week.

Thursday, November 9, 2006

Could have been much worse

It could have been a conservative, fiscally prudent congress that got ousted. Not that the Dems are going to be any better, but methinks we have traded spending for social issues. Let me essplain (as Ricky Ricardo used to say): I think that Bush and the Dems will come up with amnesty program and maybe some cutting around the edges at Global warming. Bush has already signaled that he will give a bit on these issues. Think about it--he’s been drifting for a while. The two issues that he will dig his heels in are will be the war on Terror and to (much lesser extent) Spending. Although our Pres has not shown any fiscal discipline yet, it is mostly because I don’t think he felt that he was going to get anything out of it. Opposing the Republicans is not his idea of a good time. I mean, good god, look how loyal he's been to people in the past that didn’t deserve it.
On the Terror issue, the Dems will pretty much be in "whatever" mode, even while foaming at the mouth for their constituents. The reason is simple: it's a losing issue for them. No matter what the reason is and how the Dems feel about how they won, they are still seen as weak on this issue, and will probably concede some ground. On the Spending, we have an interesting set up. If he plays it right, the Dems will say "hey, you let the Republicans spend, why not us" to which Bush will say "winds of change" and then burnish his credentials with the conservatives. Since they worship at the altar of Clinton, then they will know that the Republicans lost to Billy boy on just such a shutdown/stalemate. With the inevitable staring them in the face and a lot of Dems in the House and Senate who want to appear moderate to the electorate and thus be electable in 2008, they will seek compromise with the moderates both in and out of their party. Bingo! Reduced spending, tax cuts retained and the War on Terror vigorously fought by the Dems and Repubs alike. Granted, this is an ideal scenario and the Judge thing could get messy, but it's not all bad to have a split Government. It all depends on how the major players play it out. So don’t go jumping off any bridges. We have an advantage: conservatives when they lose power don’t feel like they lost everything that defines them, just a way to carry out their ideas. So it will be tough, but I have faith. Write it down, mark it on your calendars, but I think this is the worst that will happen in two years. I, like Reagan have faith in the ultimate wisdom of the American people to steer us along, we just might not like the bumps in the road along the way.

Wednesday, November 8, 2006

Did Anything Good Happen Last Night?

Yes.

Phil Angelides got stomped by Arnold Schwarzenegger like Bambi taking on Godzilla.

“Missing Linc” Chafee finally got what’s coming to him.

The Koskid Kandidate, Ned Lamont, got shown what-for by Joe Lieberman.

If I can think of anything else, I’ll let you know.

And So It Begins

The Donks are picking their targets for the fun new game of “Who Gets The Subpoena”. Who will they investigate first: Bush? Rumsfeld? Rice? Halliburton? “Big Tobacco”? Big Pharmaceuticals”? “Big Oil”? Bob’s Big Boy? It’s all fair game now. They’ll be dragging administration officials in and out of Congress, day in, day out. If you’re wondering how anyone will find the time to fight the terrorists, the answer is: they won’t.
It doesn’t help much that Bush basically caved in to them in his post-election press conference. Unless he was just making nice to put them off guard, their going to get whatever they want. I’m not happy about that, but I’m not going to abandon him just yet. To quote Bill Whittle from ejectejecteject.com: “Me, personally, I look at the man’s entire catalog of flaws in the same way Lincoln looked at Grant and his drinking: I can’t spare this man. He fights.”

And Another One Bites The Dust

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld has resigned. He is being replaced by the former CIA director from the Bush I administration.

We are so screwed…..

CAIR’s New Representative

The terrorists have a new friend in the House of Representatives: Keith Ellison (D-MINN), who is a former member of the Nation of Islam (who believe that whites are a genetic experiment gone wrong by a black scientist in Zimbabwe 6,000 years ago) with ties to the Council on American Islamic Relations. CAIR has defended Osama bin Laden, considers US actions against terrorists to be anti-Islamic, has had several of it’s current and former members arrested for terrorism related activities, and is suspected of being a front for the Muslim Brotherhood, a known terrorist organization. As a Representative, Ellison will potentially have access to top secret intelligence information, which could be passed on to our enemies.
Don’t think of it as a Nazi being elected to high office during World War II. Think of it as the brother of a Nazi being elected during World War II.
See, everything is going to be just fine.

Term Limits

Ok, I think the time is ripe to unveil my term limits plan: You get two terms in any particular federal office. Afte those two terms are up, if you wish to continue to serve in that office, you can run again. However, for every term you run for after those first two terms, you lose a finger. Your choice as to which one, but you will lose one. Yes, there will be anesthetic. And yes, you lose the finger regardless of whether you win or lose the race.
Also, it's retroactive. So someone like Ted Kennedy will lose quite a few. In fact, he'll probably have great difficulty holding his drink, which could be an extra plus.
This is a bi-partisan plan. It affects Dems and Reps equally. Some may say it's a little bloodthirsty, to which I respond: And?

Tuesday, November 7, 2006

So....

The Democrats have the house. The only two questions left are: do they take the Senate, and how much ammo will I be buying.
If we hold the Senate: 1000 rounds .45 cal
If we lose the Senate: 2000 rounds .45 cal, and maybe a .30 cal rifle with 2000 rounds

Greeeaaat....

Speaker Pelosi.
To any Republicans out there who didn't vote, or who voted Democrat because of the attempted amnesty bill for illegal immigrants: You lost us the House. The Republican controlled House was the only thing that stopped that amnesty bill from becoming law. Now we have a Democrat House, and you can bet some variation of that bill will get through.
Smooth move, Ex-lax.

What This Election Is Really All About

The deep dark secret is that what this election will really decide is whether the Donks will collapse now with a whimper, or in a year or two with a bang. If all their pre-election jubilation about a perceived victory turns out to be in vain, the chaos and despair will be unbelievable. If they can’t win in THIS political climate, they’re done as a viable political party, and it will be obvious to everyone, except possibly them. There are already attempts by the Donk leaders to claim that any loss on their part is due to mythical Republican dirty tricks. Making that argument on a national level is another surefire way to a quick collapse.On the other hand, if they win, expect them to act so crazy and insufferable about it that they won’t stay around long. As low as the President’s approval numbers are now, I don’t think the populace at large will take kindly to the party of surrender trying to impeach him in the middle of a war. Talk about going out with a bang. Either way, I don’t think the Donks have much of a future as a liberal party. If they do win this one it will be because they used a bunch of relatively moderate newcomers as candidates to sneak their lefty old guard into top leadership positions, in what Thomas Sowell has called their latest fraud attempt.

Election Nostalgia

I miss the old paper punch ballots. The new system here in the People’s Republic of California is really stupid. They give you a huge, scan-tron like sheet with all the candidates and propositions listed, and you use a pen to fill in the bubble next to your choice. Then you insert the form into a big electronic suitcase, which then does… something. Perhaps the election fairies tally up your votes. I know they don’t get counted till later in the evening. If we’re going to go through all the trouble of using paper ballots that won’t even be counted till later, we might as well use the old punch method. It was moderately cheaper, and you got to use a sharp object to poke holes in something. I know that the punch method was supposedly more prone to voter error (or at least alleged to be by the Donks in 2000), but really, if you can’t master something as simple as the paper punch ballot, you’re really not the kind of person who I would want to have voting anyway. Stick with American Idol, and leave the real elections to the grown ups.

Time To Make A Choice

It’s time to pick a side. Which side do you choose? Freedom or Fascism? The politics of choice and responsibility, or the politics of the anthill? Victory, or retreat, followed by death and destruction? Today is Election Day, the day when Americans get to exercise that most precious of rights, the right to vote, to have a say in the future course of our civilization. It is a right that, although bestowed upon us fortunate few by birth, was simply unimagined by those in generations past. No one votes for kings; the position of dictator is never on the ballot. And, yet, this right, which was fought and died for by previous generations, is often taken for granted by many. How do you use your vote? Do you use it frivolously on politicians who do nothing but promise you goodies? Do you squander it through misuse? What, exactly, is your vote worth to you?
We face a dark time in the history of this country; this planet, even. A terror from the past has arisen to threaten western civilization once more. The rise of militant Islam is threatening to drag us back into a new dark age, where the fires of freedom are extinguished and replaced by the black heart of Allah. Where non-believers are treated as cattle, women are treated as sub-human, and even music is a capital offense. This darkness is growing in intensity, as Muslim terrorists attack on a world wide front, in Brittan, Israel, Spain, Iraq, Bali, Turkey, Egypt, France, Indonesia, Russia, India, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, and even here in America, as on 9/11. These people don’t hate us for our money, for our material excesses, for our foreign policy blunders, or even for our mighty military. They hate us for who we are, and what we believe. They hate us for our very freedom of choice, which flies in the face of their prophet, Muhammad, who said that all must bow before Allah and follow the teachings of the Koran. We are given the choice: submit or die. Even the name Islam means submission. They will not negotiate on this. There can be no peaceful co-existence with these extremists. The very concept of “live and let live” is western, and completely alien to them. They have drug us into this war in which we now find ourselves, and they will fight us until either we or they emerge victorious. There can be no middle ground.
Yet, in this time of danger, one of this country’s two major political parties has found itself in the unenviable position of being the sole voice of reason in confronting this threat. The Republican Party has had to bear the burden of leading us in this fight. The Democratic Party has done nothing but sit on the sidelines, criticizing and blocking every effort to defend this country. They have protested every military action against the enemy. They have attempted to block even the most prudent of security measures, presented in earnest to protect our populace. They have seen fit to degrade our ability to gain intelligence about the enemy’s dispositions, even going so far as to attempt to protect prisoners of war, who were confirmed enemy combatants, from interrogation. They have even, through their surrogates in the media, provided aid and comfort to the enemy by highlighting our mistakes while ignoring our enemy’s atrocities, refusing to report war news that would support our troops and provide encouragement for the civilian populace, leaking classified information in public venues that the enemy has access to, and distorting the facts on the ground in order to obtain the merest of political advantages.
These people CANNOT be put in charge of this country. We can’t reward their behavior with access to power. What would these people do if they had control of the House or Senate? They refuse to acknowledge that we are facing a war on multiple fronts. They insist on treating each front as its own separate conflict, which gives the enemy the advantage. They believe that our President is the real threat, not the enemy. They’ve already said many times that one of their first orders of business if they win the majority will be to begin impeachment proceedings against the President. Can you imagine the chaos that will ensue if we have to deal with frivolous impeachment proceedings, and all the accompanying investigations, while trying to fight a world war? This cannot be allowed to happen.If you are a Republican get out there and vote. The future of our country, our very civilization, may depend upon it.

Sunday, November 5, 2006

Breaking News: Saddam Sentenced To Death


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Ah, man, ah, man.

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Friday, November 3, 2006

Fair Warning

If the Donks manage to seize control of the house on Tuesday, the new chairman of the House Sub-Committee on National Security will be Dennis Kucinich (D-Zebulon B).

Please vote Republican. Do it for the children.

As much as I would like to personally shoot a whole bunch of terrorists, I’d rather do it in Iraq than in my own front yard. Or yours.

We Didn't Do It! You Can't Prove A Thing!

The editors of Castro Burn In Hell vehemently deny the vicious allegations that we have stolen 12 smartcards from voting machines in Tennessee in order to throw the election. Just because we would do anything to keep that beggars army of liberals from taking control of the government this Tuesday, doesn't mean we did THAT. Although we would have if we could have.

Overfishing May Harm Seafood Population

According to a team of economists and ecologists, the populations of just about all seafood face collapse by 2048. Now, if we can just drive all the mayonnaise trees to extinction, I'll be set.

Radio Host Fired Over Candidate Insult

Massachusetts radio host John DePetro was fired today for calling some fat lesbian a "fat lesbian". DePetro later released a statement in his defense, saying "I don't understand why they fired ME for it. It's not my fault that raging bull dyke is such a fat-assed whore."

Wednesday, November 1, 2006

10 Shot At San Francisco Halloween Party

10 people were shot last night at a Halloween Party in San Francisco’s Castro District (which will also burn in hell). The shootings appeared to be gang related, although no arrests have been made at this time. Clearly this is a failure of leadership on the part of this area’s representative, Nancy Pelosi, who should resign immediately. With the body count rising every day, when will our leaders admit that our San Francisco policy is an abject failure that has trapped us in a quagmire for which there is no hope of victory. It is time we redeploy our troops away from the San Francisco Bay area, to somewhere safer, say Okinawa. This will put our resources in a much better position to respond to trouble in adjacent San Jose should it be necessary to do so.

Bin Laden Double Arrested In Maine

One of Osama bin Laden’s many doubles was arrested in Maine yesterday while attempting to carry out a suicide terrorist attack using a toy AK-47 and fake dynamite. He was later charged with criminal threatening and generally behaving more retarded than those US soldiers that Senator John Kerry (D-Nazichusetts) keeps going on about.

Ignorant Troops Send Out SOS


Disadvantaged, uneducated US soldiers are seen here sending out an emergency call for help from Senator John F’n Kerry (D-Nazichusettes).

Monday, October 30, 2006

School's Out Forever!

A Madrassa (Muslim religious school) in Pakistan was destroyed today, killing 80 terrorist savages. Reports are still sketchy as to who exactly carried out the attack, with some saying it was Pakistani helicopters, others saying it was U.S. Predator drones, and everyone else claiming it was the Zionist-Pig-Dog-Infidel Jews, of course. Rumors are also flying that the target of the attacks was Zawahiri himself. There are even rumors that he was killed, but the usual 48 hour rule applies here. Personally, I hope it WASN’T our guys who did it. Why, you ask? Because of this sentence:
“Most of the compound was destroyed.
"Most? MOST?! What is this most crap? I’m an American. I pay my taxes. I get up every morning and haul my ass to work, day in, day out. I expect ALL of it to be destroyed, every last molecule. And then, after the explosions, when all the surrounding terrorscum are gathering around to seethe and bitch around the ruins about how the infidels have killed their loved and beloved pet goat, and dragging out their protest signs, conveniently printed in English for the American media, even though the only people within fifty miles of the place who can even read English are the al-Reuters reporters that have been embedded with the terrorists so as to get up to date Democrat talking points straight from Osama’s mouth, as well as to keep the terrorists properly felated, I want Muhammad al-Muhammadadmamisboombah, or whatever the hell his name is, to look up into the sky, and see the beautiful sight of a fuel/air bomb gently wafting down from the clouds on it’s delicate silk parachute. And I want that to be the last image he ever sees in this life, as this magnificent example of American ingenuity consumes and vaporizes all. Especially the al-Reuters people. And that burning, consuming flame should be a brief foretaste of the flames that burn, but don’t consume, that they will then experience for all eternity.
Or something like that.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Next Space Tourist To Launch In March

Space Ventures Ltd of Vienna, VA, has announced that it’s next space tourist will launch in March. The lucky tourist, Dennis Kucinich of Ohio, will be only the fifth customer launched into space by the company. Kucinich, who was selected from a group of applicants, expressed great excitement over his upcoming journey, stating “At long last I can escape this miserable prison of a planet and be amongst my people once again. It is a great day for me, a great day for my people, but it will be an even greater day for Earth, when I return at the head of a fleet of heavily armed Zebulonian warships. Conquest!”Although he will be helping with science experiments and some menial tasks during the eight-day trip, Kucinich said he will be spending a lot of time just hanging out, observing, taking pictures, looking out the window for the arriving mothership, and just generally plotting out the upcoming enslavement of the human race.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Trivia Question

Q.: Why did the French police officer cross the road?



A.: Because he was being chased by 60 Muslim 'youths' wielding crowbars and Molotov cocktails.

Yeah, That'll Work


The French government has assigned police to guard buses in immigrant (read: Muslim) neighborhoods around Paris. This is believed by the French to be a good method of curbing the escalating violence in these areas. OK, now for the follow up question: who’s going to guard the French police?

Foley Style Fiction


So, it looks like Jim Webb has some rather interesting skeletons in his closet. As a fiction author, his books have some seriously twisted sex scenes, involving strippers, the use of a vagina to slice a banana, and of course, that ultimate Homorabia crowd pleaser, older men performing oral sex on underage boys. How much do you want to bet that Mark Foley has ALL his books?Webb is fighting a tough race against George Allen (R-Macacarabia), and is behind in the polls. If he were running in a blue state this wouldn’t be a big deal; after all, he’s a Democrat, and things like this just prove he’s one of them. The only way he could alienate himself from the left would be to appear to be pro-America. The problem is, he’s not in a blue state, he’s in Virginia, which is traditionally a very conservative state.He’s done. Stick a fork in him.

Can It Be True?

Rumors are flying about our good friend Fidel again. The word is, he has untreatable stomach cancer, and may be near death. This, of course, assumes that he isn’t already dead. We’ve heard this kind of rumor before. In fact, the most recent round of this game was what inspired the creation of this particular blog (or, at least it’s name, anyway). The details around this rumor are different this time, however. It seems the Cuban government is ramping up for a big funeral, modeled after the funeral of Pope John Paul II, which they hope to have broadcast worldwide. As if Castro deserves such an honor. A more fitting funeral would involve wrapping him in saran wrap, and then dumping him out the back of a Jeep Cherokee while cruising down I-95 at 85 mph, drinking a tall cold one, and listening to an infinite loop tape of “Ding Dong, The Witch Is Dead” performed by Ted Nugent with an all exile chorus.In any case, we will endeavor to keep our imaginary readers up to date on this glorious story.

French Buses Spontaneously Combust

Four French buses burst into flames yesterday in an apparent case of spontaneous automotive combustion, a phenomenon occurring more and more frequently in that part of Europe. Most experts agree that this is probably an example of poorly manufactured equipment malfunctioning explosively, and have called for an investigation of the companies involved, as well as the general elimination of capitalism, which is obviously to blame. Some extreme right-wing conspiracy theorists have pointed to the fact that these incidents tend to take place in predominately Muslim neighborhoods and often occur near large groups of Muslim ‘youths’ who just happen to be carrying Molotov Cocktails as evidence of this being an Muslim uprising. Clearly, this is impossible, as Islam is a Religion of Peace©, and its followers would never commit this sort of violent act.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

The Chinese--Keeping their priorities in order

Sorry, haven't been posting recently, school, work all that stuff that catches one's attention every now and again. Here is a link to a video of Chi-Coms shooting unarmed Tibetans fleeing in the snow. Their Crime? Wanting to see the Dali Lama. Keeping the spirit of the Glorious worker's paradise humming, no doubt even as they suck money out of Capitalist trough.

Israeli warplanes in 'incident' with German ship

I don't know about you, but if I was Jewish, and I saw some armed Germans nearby, I might get a bit of an itchy trigger finger, too. The Germans need to calm down about this. They’re already up by 6 million. The Israelis have a LONG way to go before they catch up.

Do The Curtains Match The Drapes?

Democrats are so convinced that it’s curtains for the Republican majority in congress, that they’ve already begun working up their post victory governance plans. Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Homorabia) says that when she’s speaker she can “have any suite I want”, and has already mapped out her first hundred hours. Charlie Rangel (D-Arkham Asylum) is already booking speaking events about his upcoming tenure as chairman of Ways and Means.The President sees things a little differently. "The Democrats have made a lot of predictions. Matter of fact, I think they may be measuring the drapes," Bush said yesterday. "If their electoral predictions are as reliable as their economic predictions, Nov. 7th is going to be a good day for the Republicans." Personally, I agree with the President; it ain’t over till the fat lady sings, and, as scary as Nancy Pelosi is, she’s not very fat. Don’t expect to be doing too much singing on election night, Nancy. I’m predicting the Donks gain 12 in the House, and 3 in the Senate. It’ll narrow the Republican’s majority, but won’t be enough to hand it over to the Donks.
Of course, I could be wrong. Charlie Rangel says that if the Donks don’t take congress this cycle, he’s resigning. (Yeah, right, like that’ll ever happen.) I say, if the party of cut and run takes congress, I solemnly swear to stock up on as much ammo as I can for when the troops come home and the terrorists follow. Now THAT’S a promise you can bank on.

Homorabia Declared

In a stunning (or not) announcement, the New Jersey Supreme Court today decided that buggery is now legitimate grounds for marriage. Expect homosexuals from all over the country to flock to NJ like a Muslim to an IED. Hopefully they stay there. The real question is how this will affect the Democrats in the future. This is a ruling that will clearly be associated with them, and their newest and fastest growing constituency, namely, Islamic terrorists who want to behead us all, will not take kindly to this. They tend to condemn homosexuality (even as they practice it secretly), and we all know what happens to things condemned by Muslims. Think Highlander. In any event, the editorial staff here at Castro Burn in Hell stands by it’s belief that, when it comes to combinations in marriage, there can be only one: Man+Woman.

UPDATE:
OK, so this probably isn't worth an update, but it occurs to me that Tony Soprano may not take too kindly to this either.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

But Brute Force May Be The Right Answer Anyway

This news article on Yahoo.com points out comments from US military officials that if forced to engage in a second war, we might have to rely on brute force, as most of our precision weapons and the systems meant to support them are tied down in Iraq. This would result in more collateral damage, and thus more civilian casualties.Is that such a bad thing?The biggest problem we have in Iraq right now may well be that while we promised ‘shock and awe’, we ended up delivering ‘aw shucks’. It may have seemed more civilized to limit the collateral damage as much as possible to stay on the good side of the local population, but it left the terrorists with the undeniable image of an ineffectual power that lacked the will to use its own weapons to their best advantage. A little more bloodshed early on may have prevented a lot more bloodshed now. But then, anyone who studies military history knows that’s a universal truth. In any event, bombing North Korea back to the stone age and then nuking the rubble may be just what the doctor ordered to make our enemies.(as well as some of our more worthless friends) fear us again. Yes, fear. Not love, fear. We’re the great power in the world today. Historically, the great power of the day is never popular with those around it. And yet we persist in this desire to make the world love us. It’s never going to happen, so we need to just get over it. The best we can hope for is for them to fear us. Maybe then, they’ll be less likely to attack us

What? You Say Hollywood Types Are Hypocrites?

I kinda like this article at TMZ.com about celeb actors who play the part of pious environmentalists, but then consume more fuel in ten hours than my 300ZX consumes in ten years. The fact of the matter is that I don’t fault them for their fuel usage. In fact I couldn’t care less about it. What bugs me is that while using up all these resources themselves, they have the gall to tell us to cut back on our comparatively meager usage. “Good enough for thee, but not for me” indeed.

Castro In Hell

“You know, for a blog dedicated to the proposition that Castro should burn in hell, you sure don’t talk about Castro very much.” That’s just one of the many reader’s complaints that we get here (or would get anyway, if we had any readers). Well, to be fair, ol’ fussy whiskers hasn’t really been in the news much lately, except in the form of speculation on whether or not he’s even still alive. You can rest assured, dear imaginary reader, that if it becomes known that the evil one has kicked the metaphorical bucket, we will quickly change orientation from laughing about the fact that he should burn in hell, to laughing at the fact that he IS burning in hell. In any event, to tide you over until that great day, I offer this Castro joke that I discovered on this site earlier today:

Castro In Hell
Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and that no way, no how, does he belong in heaven. Fidel must go to hell. So Fidel goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself right at home. Then, Fidel notices that he accidentally left his luggage back in heaven and tells Satan, who says, "No hay problema. I'll send a couple of little devils to get your stuff." When the little devils get to heaven, they find the gates are locked - St. Peter is having lunch - and they start debating what to do. Finally, one comes up with the idea that they should climb over the wall and get the luggage. As they are climbing the wall, two little angels see them, and one angel says to the other, "My goodness! Fidel has been in hell no more than ten minutes and we're already getting refugees."

Monday, October 23, 2006

Study: The Dangers Of Cell Phone Use

People who use mobile phones could be risking their likeability, warn researchers. A new study shows a worrying link between poor manners and the number of hours a day that a person uses their mobile phone. Those who made calls on a mobile phone for more than four hours a day had the worst attitude and the poorest quality manners, according to results released yesterday at the American Society for Behavioral Medicine annual meeting in New Orleans. Doctors believe the damage could be caused by the electromagnetic radiation emitted by handsets or the heat they generate, but the most likely explanation is that “people who talk on their cell phones all the time are just obnoxious pains in the ass.“

Pelosi: "My Family Is Very Pro-Life"


House Living Dead Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Homorabia) today attempted to deflect Republican criticisms that she is an ultra-left wing liberal by pointing out how pro-life her family is. “My daughters especially are pro-life”, said Pelosi while gnawing on a human femur. “Why, just last week my daughter Alexandria, who was named after the Library of Alexandria that was burnt to the ground by evil Republicans in the seventh century, demonstrated this by begging and pleading for her life while I tried to consume her tasty young flesh. How much more pro-life can you get?”

It’s Official! Part 2!


From the New York Daily News, Hillary Clinton IS getting uglier. Ah-DUUHHH-uhhhHH!

It's Official!


Today on Hannity and Commie, noted pollster Dick Morris stated that “demographically, the Republican Base is the most educated, articulate group in the country. That’s not blowing smoke, that’s a demographic fact.” Hoo-Ahhh! Sing it, brother!

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Triva Question

Q.: How many Koskid Moonbats does it take to change a lightbulb?



A.: None, they'd rather just sit around and blame Bush for the darkness.

A Tale Of Two Memorials

This is how you do it….















The Pentagon today unveiled its United States Air Force Memorial near Arlington Nation Cemetery. The memorial, which is meant to evoke the image of three jet contrails pulling away from each other, commemorates the sacrifices of Air Force personnel in protecting the nation’s liberty. The Air Force was the only branch of the U.S. military that did not have its own memorial.
This is how you don’t…

The Arizona Memorial Commission recently unveiled it's September 11th Memorial in Arizona’s Wesley Bolin Plaza. The memorial, which is designed to evoke an Islamic crescent, commemorates the narcissism and self-absorption of the left-wing Arizona Arts Commission, with such inscriptions as “Remembrance Garden Planted in Window”, “Arizona Interfaith Movement Promotes Understanding and Respect”, “Scottsdale Students Founded Cultural Understanding Organization”, “Foreign Born Americans Afraid”, “Must Bomb Back”, and “You Don’t Win Battles of Terrorism with More Battles.” The Arizona Art’s Commission was one of the only branches of the Moonbat-Left that had not created its own memorial.