Thursday, November 30, 2006

To Drink, Or Not To Drink?

So, everybody’s talking about this Danny DeVito incident on “The View”. Not that I’ve seen it or anything. I wouldn’t watch “The View” if Jesus begged me to. But, for the record, I approve of DeVito’s performance. Not the whole bashing the President thing. That’s just trite and boring now. I mean the whole being drunk thing. I approve of drunken midgets. So let’s raise up a cold pint of Guinness for Danny DeVito, Castro Burn In Hell’s “Drunken Midget Of The Day!”

That's Gotta Be Rough On Those Pan-Pacific Flights....

China Southern Airlines has come up with a great new method to cut back on fuel costs: encourage passengers to use the restroom before boarding the plane. It seems that every flush at 30,000 ft uses almost a quart of fuel. If you have 200 passengers, and each one uses the restroom once, that’s 50 gallons of fuel. Since the average price of Jet A is currently at $4.00 a gallon, that’s $200 dollars saved if no one uses the john in flight. In other words, what a bunch of cheap ass bastards!Does that mean that politicians won’t be able to fly on that airline, seeing as they’re all full of crap, and suffer from diarrhea of the mouth? Your guess is as good as mine.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Mahmoud I'm-Mad-In-The-Head Strikes Again

Iranian “President” Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has written another letter, this time to the American public instead of to President Bush. After careful analysis, experts are divided as to whether the letter was ghost written by Howard Dean, or merely translated into English by him. However, if you ignore all the DNC talking points sprinkled throughout the piece to curry favor with the moonbat left, you’ll find a more ominous purpose to it all, as pointed out in this article by Kenneth Timmerman:
But to focus on these parts of his letter, however silly and objectionable they may be, would be to miss the main point. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is not the Hugo Chavez of the Persian Gulf. He knows that soon he will have his finger on the nuclear trigger.
Citing from the Quran at the close of his letter, he says that if Americans "repent" of their "injustice," they will be blessed with many gifts. "We should all heed the divine Word of the Holy Qur'an," he says.
The context of this particular verse (28:67-28, Sura "Al-Qasas," or The Narration), is very clear. It follows a graphic description of destruction and devastation that will befall those who fail to repent of their injustice.
It also sets out the terms of the tradition Muslim warning to the enemies of Allah. "And never will your Lord destroy the towns until He sends to their mother town a Messenger reciting to them Our Verses." This is is precisely what Ahmadinejad is doing in his letter.
Dump Bush, allow the Muslims to destroy Israel, and adopt Islam — or else you will be destroyed. This is Ahmadinejad's message

New York Times In Potential Republican Take Over?

Insurance mogul and big time republican Maurice Greenberg is attempting to acquire controlling interest in the New York Times. Many on the left are concerned that he may force a shift in the paper’s political alignment. Not likely. After all, the McClatchy family owns the Sacramento Bee, and even though they’re hard core Republicans, the paper remains the steaming pile of liberal crap it always has been. I doubt he’ll make any major changes to the paper, unless it’s necessary to improve sales. Something the Times hasn’t been too successful with lately. On the other hand, maybe that’s what it’ll take to save the old grey beast. In any event, even if it does move to the right, it’ll still only be suitable for wrapping fish. It’s just that now, the paper won’t actually stink worse than the fish.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Plans For ABBA Museum Unveiled In Sweden

A museum dedicated to the Swedish pop group ABBA and its four members will open in Stockholm in 2008, organizers said Tuesday. They are hoping it will be at least as successful as the museum dedicated to OMC in New Zealand, which opened last year to dozens of visitors.

Pelosi Decides Against Hastings

House Speaker-Elect Nancy Pelosi (D-Homorabia) today decided not to appoint Representative Alcee Hastings (D-Crooksville) as Chairman of the House Intelligence Committee. When asked as to the reasons for her decision, Pelosi replied, “The amount of corruption in his past makes him ineligible for a committee chairmanship in the Democratic Party. He’s going to need to start taking more bribes if he wants to move up to the big leagues. It might also help him if he were to molest or kill a couple of his campaign aides, but that’s just a suggestion.”

Carter Denies Anti-Semitism

Ex-ex-President Jimmy Carter today denied claims that he is pro-Palestinian, anti-Israel, and anti-Semitic. “I’m not taking a side in this matter,“ stated Carter, while sucking the marrow from the femur of a small Jewish child at a Hamas charity luncheon he was attending. “I’m merely taking the course of action that seems the most reasonable to me. America needs to take a key role in suppressing the Israeli menace. I think if the United States won’t take that role on, then maybe the entire group of the so-called International Quartet, the United States, Russia, the United Nations, and the United — and the European Union — those four have written a road map which President Bush has endorsed enthusiastically,” he continued between bites. “And if they can implement their terms — by the way, on which the Palestinians have accepted 100 percent and the Israelis have rejected almost entirely — if the road map terms are accepted, then we can have peace in the Middle East.”

The 'splodydopes are out in force to protest the Holy Father's visit to Turkey. If the women in the photo are any indication, I can understand why Islam makes it's women wear veils: The same reason we don't allow Cindy Sheehag to wear spandex in public.

What The Islamists Have Learned

Here's a link to a brilliant article from the Weekly Standard by Michael Novak that sums up our biggest weakness in the War on Terror.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Chavez Screams: “Please Kill Me, Kill Me Now!”

Suicidal dictator and future Trivial Pursuit question Hugo Chavez vowed to defeat “the most powerful empire on Earth by knockout,” referring, of course, to the United States.
Why do all the weird, creepy looking dictators feel they have to stand up and make fools of themselves to get attention? There are other ways to do so, such as by dating dictator-loving Hollywood starlets, giving away their ill-gotten gains to a worthy charity, or even blowing their brains out with a high-caliber weapon. Surely one of these much superior attention getting methods would be a more respectable solution for Chavez than acting the fool until we have no other choice but to drop a MOAB down the front of his pants.

Phil Donahue To Make Anti-War Film

Legendary liberal talk-show host Phil Donahue has revealed that he is making an anti-war documentary about the situation in Iraq. Word on the street is that no one is interested, and that no one really cares.

One In Six Americans Could Be Directly Affected By Global Warming Hype

According to a startling study released today, at least one in six Americans has fallen prey to Global Warming hype and BS. Millions of Americans, concerned about warnings that 2006 would be the worst hurricane season on record, leading to wholesale death and destruction on a biblical scale, ran out and spent millions of dollars on emergency food and supplies for a disaster that never materialized. With the hurricane season rapidly coming to a close, it appears that the 2006 season was one of the mildest on record. In other words, no, Virginia, the world isn’t going to end tomorrow, and, yes, you’re still going to have to get up and go to work.

Flashback: “One In Six Americans Could Be Directly Affected By The 2006 Hurricane Season”


Tuesday, November 21, 2006


Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war! The President's daughter has been defiled! Robbed! In Argentina! War is our only option! We must nuke Iran now! And North Korea! And China! And Berkley! This is no time for talk! It’s time for action! Or Something! Or not.

Sheehan Protests BSAE Program

After analyzing this picture and consulting the internet, we've determined that Cindy Sheehan is protesting any military involvement in BSAE, which is the Bachelor of Science in Engineering (Aeronautical). We here at Castro Burn In Hell are not sure exactly why she has a problem with this program, except that maybe it's because she's fully insane and has a problem with a lot of things that reasonable people would find perfectly normal.

Reno Flings Feces

Former Attorney General Janet Reno has filed court papers stating that the Bush Administration's intent to prosecute a suspected terrorist outside the court system sets a dangerous precedent. "Oohh-oohhh-aggg-agg-huhh-huhh," stated Reno. "Ahhh-ahhh-ogg-oga-ppppthththth!" Attorney General Alberto Gonzales was unavailable for comment.

Monday, November 20, 2006

al-Qaeda Archives

Mohammad Atta's widow Betsy poses with the trainer aircraft that he never learned to land.

What A Great Job They're Doing!

It's amazing. All the bad news we were hearing about the economy before the election, and within days of the Donks winning control of congress, everything's honky-dory. Poverty, hunger, homelessnes, economic uncertainty, it's all gone now. They haven't even taken office yet, and they've fixed all the worlds problems. What great, wonderful people they must be. So knowledgeble and wise.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Huckabee Says Campaign Laws Aid McCain

Of course the campaign finance laws give preferential aid to John McCain’s Presidential run. Who do you think wrote the law, anyway? He knows damn well that he’ll need all the help he can get, considering how most conservatives actually feel about him.

Dutch To Ban Wearing Of Muslim Burqa In Public

Nice to see that SOMEONE still has the balls to stand up to the Islamo-fascists

Strong Leonid Meteor Shower This Weekend

The Leonid meteor shower, which re-occurs every year around this time, will be especially strong this year. No word from NASA as to whether or not this has anything to do with their planned mission to attempt to move or destroy an asteroid as a test to determine the best way to do so. I’m not suggesting that the asteroids are attempting a pre-emptive strike or anything, although I understand the Bruce Willis has been placed on alert.

French UN Troops Prepare Guns Against Israeli Jets

The French are threatening to shoot down Israeli jets that are flying over Lebanon to gather evidence of Hezbollah rearming itself. The French are SUPPOSED to be there to PREVENT Hezbollah from rearming. So, in other words, the French are threatening to attack the Israelis fro gathering evidence of the French not doing their job. All I can say is go ahead and attack the Israelis. It’s your funeral. And you can’t spell funeral without FUN

Arctic Resists Warming

The evil forces of mankind have been pushing the arctic to its demise, but now the arctic is fighting back! See the amazing new movie!
Isn’t it interesting? The temperatures in the arctic begin rising over the course of 30 odd years, and a huge battle erupts over what’s causing it. On one side, is the global warming crowd that says that man is responsible for the changes because of industrial pollution. On the other, global warming skeptics, who argue that these are merely fluctuations in the Earth’s natural temperature, and are perfectly normal. Now, we find that the arctic warming trend is beginning to reverse itself due to cyclic changes in ocean currents, and that temperatures are heading back to what were considered normal. You’d think that would tend to confirm the fluctuation hypothesis.
There is no amount of evidence that the global warming crowd can’t overcome. If the evidence fits their theory, they trumpet it loud and long in the media. If it doesn’t, they spin it till it does. That’s how we get this juvenile anthropomorphization of nature.And they say the right is anti-science.

Right Wingers Outgive Lefties

Here’s a report from a lefty professor that say that people in the religious right tend to give more to charity than liberals do. This should be surprising to no one except liberals. A religious conservative’s idea of giving to charity is to donate money, time, or possessions to a charity. A lefty’s idea of giving to charity is to raise taxes on everybody, and then use the proceeds to fund massive government programs that will give SOME of that money to the needy. Sort of the bureaucratic Robin Hood approach.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

NASA Studies Suicide Mission To Asteroid

In an attempt to determine the best possible method of deflecting a potential incoming asteroid, NASA is planning a manned mission to one of the orbiting rocks in the near future. The proposed plan involves landing an as yet undesigned manned space vehicle on the surface of a Near Earth Asteroid, drilling a hole in it’s crust to a depth of 800 meters, dropping a nuclear weapon down the hole, and then being destroyed by the resulting explosion while vainly trying to escape. The resulting debris from the asteroid will then fall harmlessly to Earth, destroying civilization as we know it. If this plan sounds somewhat familiar to you, then you probably saw “Armageddon”, the film from which the plan was cribbed. No, Bruce Willis won’t be involved. I’d feel more comfortable with the plan if he were. It also says much about the state of NASA that current policy is being driven by Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay.

The scariest part of all is that if they asked me to go, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Milton Friedman RIP

One of the all time greats has passed. Nobel Prize winner Milton Friedman, whose economic theories influenced a generation, and were the underpinnings of the Regan Revolution, died today at the age of 94. Friedman was best known for his book and accompanying PBS series Free To Choose, which explained the importance of individual economic liberty in maintaining national economic prosperity. "Before Milton, economists were not taken seriously by public policy-makers," said St. Louis Federal Reserve Bank President William Poole. "He was an extraordinarily important figure in the profession."
In a time when Republicans so need to be reminded of the economic principles that guide their movement, his is a voice that will be sorely missed.

“Do You Punch Little Buttons And Things?”

CNN talk host Larry King recently admitted that he has never used the internet. He has no clue how to access it, asking “Do You Punch Little Buttons And Things?”
Other things King has admitted to never having used:
Toilet Paper
Public Restrooms
Medicinal Marijuana
The “Ten Items or Less” lane
Any sort of deodorant product
A professional barber

Naval Vessel Imitates Namesake

Today the Seawolf class attack sub U.S.S. Jimmy Carter imitated the economic policies of it’s namesake by sinking beneath the waves. The Captain of the boat, who requested not to be identified, expressed deep regret that he had been placed in command of a vessel named for America’s most ex of ex-Presidents, and hoped that it would not be viewed as a blemish on his career, and that everyone should stop laughing at him.
In a related note, ex-ex-President Jimmy Carter, whose new book “Palestine: Peace Not Apartheid” is available in bargain racks and sanitary landfills everywhere, could be appointed to head the U.N. Commission for Blaming Israel for Basically Everything That’s Ever Gone Wrong Ever. We’re sure the anti-Semitic old fool will do a fantastic job in his new post.
In any event, here’s a great photo of President Carter in 1979 being attacked by a killer rabbit while fishing. The rabbit is in the lower right corner of the frame, swimming away from Carter after having bitten a large chunk out of his political future.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Engineers Create Music From Air Guitar

Researchers in Canberra, Australia today announced the development of a t-shirt that would allow the wearer to create music simply by playing air guitar. The system, which utilizes motion sensors placed within the shirt to detect arm movements by the wearer and then transfer them to a computer, promises to be a quantum leap forward for dorky white males who listen to classic rock. The company plans to offer the system for sale as soon as they develop a safety circuit to prevent the playing of Stairway To Heaven.

Falco Named Chairman, CEO Of AOL Unit

Time Warner Inc. named a veteran ‘80s musician Falco Wednesday to head its AOL division. The division, which has seen declining revenues in the past few years, recently started giving away e-mail accounts, software, and other features that were originally intended for paying customers. Falco, who died in a bus accident of February 6, 1998, was unavailable for comment.

New Pakistani Rape Laws Anger Islamo-Fascists

A new amendment to Pakistan’s rape laws was passed by the country’s lower house today, removing a clause inspired by the Koran that requires four witnesses to prove a charge of rape. It also removed the death penalty for consensual sex outside of marriage.
“This is an outrage!” decried on Islamic cleric. “How are we supposed to get new converts if we cannot give them the right to rape who they like, when they like, without fear of reprisal? This is a blow aimed at the very heart of Islam and the teachings of Muhammad!” Amnesty International, after roundly condemning President Bush and the state of Israel, stated that it was cautiously optimistic about the new law, and hoped this would contribute to a lower number of rapes in the country, particularly among the U.N. Peacekeepers in the region

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Breaking News: Hollywood To Release Pretentious Film About Dead Liberal Icon

In a stunning development, this Thanksgiving, MGM will release a pretentious crap-fest about dead liberal icon Robert Kennedy. The film titled simply “Bobby”, which was written and directed by noted auteur Emilio Estevez, centers around the assassination of the would be Democratic Presidential Nominee on June 6th, 1968, by a Muslim, Sirhan Sirhan. In actuality, this film should provide an amazing insight into the way the liberal mind works: A Presidential candidate is assassinated by a Muslim extremist, and what’s the lesson to be drawn from it? Republicans are bad.

Stunning. Simply stunning. I can’t believe anyone voted for these tools.

Plans?! We Don't Need No Stinkin' Plans!

A poll released today reveals that most Americans believe that the War in Iraq should be the Democrats main focus, but nearly 60% of respondents said that they don’t believe that the Democrats have a plan for dealing with Iraq, even though over 50% of the electorate voted Democrat this election cycle. Experts refer to this phenomenon as cognitive dissonance, which is often caused by stupid people being allowed to vote.

Toys For Tots Rejects Jesus Doll

The Toys For Tots program run by the United States Marine Corp Reserves has turned down 4000 Talking Jesus Dolls on the grounds that the doll is “boring, and no kid in his right mind would ever want to play with it.” Many religious groups have complained about this action stating “Just because it’s boring doesn’t mean they shouldn’t take it. If all toys have to be fun for anybody to want them, then how come “Toys That Teach” is still in business?”
Spokesmen from the Marine Reserves had no comment on this, except to say that the 4000 Talking Jesus dolls will be replaced by 4000 “Buck, the Kick-Ass Marine” action figures, which includes a fully functional miniature M-16, three working grenades, a real K-Bar knife, and the severed, be-turbaned heads of six Iraqi terrorists. Hoo-ahh!

New Form Of Birth Control Discovered

Scientists working for Proctor and Gamble have discovered a new form of birth control that works visually, eliminating the need for any harsh and potentially unsafe chemicals. The new method, consisting solely of a picture of aging reporter Helen Thomas, was found to completely eliminate the reproductive impulse in mice, chimpanzees, and humans, regardless of gender. “It truly is an amazing discovery”, stated one project scientist. “This method not only inhibits reproduction for up to 48 hours, but can actually reduce sperm counts in the user by up to 75%, without any side effects.” The new method, currently named RU-7734, still has a major hurdle to overcome in the form of the FDA. “It may, in fact, be impossible to get method this through approval, as displaying un-retouched photos of Helen Thomas to humans has been classified as a war crime by the U.N. Commission on Human Rights, and has been roundly condemned by Amnesty International. So we could have a long hard fight ahead of us.”

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Guess What? It's Much Worse!

The Donks are getting ready to cut-and-run. They haven’t even officially taken control of the congress yet, and they’re already working on plans to wreck the place. And this was just the first week after the elections. I can’t wait to see what they have planed for this week.

Thursday, November 9, 2006

Could have been much worse

It could have been a conservative, fiscally prudent congress that got ousted. Not that the Dems are going to be any better, but methinks we have traded spending for social issues. Let me essplain (as Ricky Ricardo used to say): I think that Bush and the Dems will come up with amnesty program and maybe some cutting around the edges at Global warming. Bush has already signaled that he will give a bit on these issues. Think about it--he’s been drifting for a while. The two issues that he will dig his heels in are will be the war on Terror and to (much lesser extent) Spending. Although our Pres has not shown any fiscal discipline yet, it is mostly because I don’t think he felt that he was going to get anything out of it. Opposing the Republicans is not his idea of a good time. I mean, good god, look how loyal he's been to people in the past that didn’t deserve it.
On the Terror issue, the Dems will pretty much be in "whatever" mode, even while foaming at the mouth for their constituents. The reason is simple: it's a losing issue for them. No matter what the reason is and how the Dems feel about how they won, they are still seen as weak on this issue, and will probably concede some ground. On the Spending, we have an interesting set up. If he plays it right, the Dems will say "hey, you let the Republicans spend, why not us" to which Bush will say "winds of change" and then burnish his credentials with the conservatives. Since they worship at the altar of Clinton, then they will know that the Republicans lost to Billy boy on just such a shutdown/stalemate. With the inevitable staring them in the face and a lot of Dems in the House and Senate who want to appear moderate to the electorate and thus be electable in 2008, they will seek compromise with the moderates both in and out of their party. Bingo! Reduced spending, tax cuts retained and the War on Terror vigorously fought by the Dems and Repubs alike. Granted, this is an ideal scenario and the Judge thing could get messy, but it's not all bad to have a split Government. It all depends on how the major players play it out. So don’t go jumping off any bridges. We have an advantage: conservatives when they lose power don’t feel like they lost everything that defines them, just a way to carry out their ideas. So it will be tough, but I have faith. Write it down, mark it on your calendars, but I think this is the worst that will happen in two years. I, like Reagan have faith in the ultimate wisdom of the American people to steer us along, we just might not like the bumps in the road along the way.

Wednesday, November 8, 2006

Did Anything Good Happen Last Night?


Phil Angelides got stomped by Arnold Schwarzenegger like Bambi taking on Godzilla.

“Missing Linc” Chafee finally got what’s coming to him.

The Koskid Kandidate, Ned Lamont, got shown what-for by Joe Lieberman.

If I can think of anything else, I’ll let you know.

And So It Begins

The Donks are picking their targets for the fun new game of “Who Gets The Subpoena”. Who will they investigate first: Bush? Rumsfeld? Rice? Halliburton? “Big Tobacco”? Big Pharmaceuticals”? “Big Oil”? Bob’s Big Boy? It’s all fair game now. They’ll be dragging administration officials in and out of Congress, day in, day out. If you’re wondering how anyone will find the time to fight the terrorists, the answer is: they won’t.
It doesn’t help much that Bush basically caved in to them in his post-election press conference. Unless he was just making nice to put them off guard, their going to get whatever they want. I’m not happy about that, but I’m not going to abandon him just yet. To quote Bill Whittle from “Me, personally, I look at the man’s entire catalog of flaws in the same way Lincoln looked at Grant and his drinking: I can’t spare this man. He fights.”

And Another One Bites The Dust

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld has resigned. He is being replaced by the former CIA director from the Bush I administration.

We are so screwed…..

CAIR’s New Representative

The terrorists have a new friend in the House of Representatives: Keith Ellison (D-MINN), who is a former member of the Nation of Islam (who believe that whites are a genetic experiment gone wrong by a black scientist in Zimbabwe 6,000 years ago) with ties to the Council on American Islamic Relations. CAIR has defended Osama bin Laden, considers US actions against terrorists to be anti-Islamic, has had several of it’s current and former members arrested for terrorism related activities, and is suspected of being a front for the Muslim Brotherhood, a known terrorist organization. As a Representative, Ellison will potentially have access to top secret intelligence information, which could be passed on to our enemies.
Don’t think of it as a Nazi being elected to high office during World War II. Think of it as the brother of a Nazi being elected during World War II.
See, everything is going to be just fine.

Term Limits

Ok, I think the time is ripe to unveil my term limits plan: You get two terms in any particular federal office. Afte those two terms are up, if you wish to continue to serve in that office, you can run again. However, for every term you run for after those first two terms, you lose a finger. Your choice as to which one, but you will lose one. Yes, there will be anesthetic. And yes, you lose the finger regardless of whether you win or lose the race.
Also, it's retroactive. So someone like Ted Kennedy will lose quite a few. In fact, he'll probably have great difficulty holding his drink, which could be an extra plus.
This is a bi-partisan plan. It affects Dems and Reps equally. Some may say it's a little bloodthirsty, to which I respond: And?

Tuesday, November 7, 2006


The Democrats have the house. The only two questions left are: do they take the Senate, and how much ammo will I be buying.
If we hold the Senate: 1000 rounds .45 cal
If we lose the Senate: 2000 rounds .45 cal, and maybe a .30 cal rifle with 2000 rounds


Speaker Pelosi.
To any Republicans out there who didn't vote, or who voted Democrat because of the attempted amnesty bill for illegal immigrants: You lost us the House. The Republican controlled House was the only thing that stopped that amnesty bill from becoming law. Now we have a Democrat House, and you can bet some variation of that bill will get through.
Smooth move, Ex-lax.

What This Election Is Really All About

The deep dark secret is that what this election will really decide is whether the Donks will collapse now with a whimper, or in a year or two with a bang. If all their pre-election jubilation about a perceived victory turns out to be in vain, the chaos and despair will be unbelievable. If they can’t win in THIS political climate, they’re done as a viable political party, and it will be obvious to everyone, except possibly them. There are already attempts by the Donk leaders to claim that any loss on their part is due to mythical Republican dirty tricks. Making that argument on a national level is another surefire way to a quick collapse.On the other hand, if they win, expect them to act so crazy and insufferable about it that they won’t stay around long. As low as the President’s approval numbers are now, I don’t think the populace at large will take kindly to the party of surrender trying to impeach him in the middle of a war. Talk about going out with a bang. Either way, I don’t think the Donks have much of a future as a liberal party. If they do win this one it will be because they used a bunch of relatively moderate newcomers as candidates to sneak their lefty old guard into top leadership positions, in what Thomas Sowell has called their latest fraud attempt.

Election Nostalgia

I miss the old paper punch ballots. The new system here in the People’s Republic of California is really stupid. They give you a huge, scan-tron like sheet with all the candidates and propositions listed, and you use a pen to fill in the bubble next to your choice. Then you insert the form into a big electronic suitcase, which then does… something. Perhaps the election fairies tally up your votes. I know they don’t get counted till later in the evening. If we’re going to go through all the trouble of using paper ballots that won’t even be counted till later, we might as well use the old punch method. It was moderately cheaper, and you got to use a sharp object to poke holes in something. I know that the punch method was supposedly more prone to voter error (or at least alleged to be by the Donks in 2000), but really, if you can’t master something as simple as the paper punch ballot, you’re really not the kind of person who I would want to have voting anyway. Stick with American Idol, and leave the real elections to the grown ups.

Time To Make A Choice

It’s time to pick a side. Which side do you choose? Freedom or Fascism? The politics of choice and responsibility, or the politics of the anthill? Victory, or retreat, followed by death and destruction? Today is Election Day, the day when Americans get to exercise that most precious of rights, the right to vote, to have a say in the future course of our civilization. It is a right that, although bestowed upon us fortunate few by birth, was simply unimagined by those in generations past. No one votes for kings; the position of dictator is never on the ballot. And, yet, this right, which was fought and died for by previous generations, is often taken for granted by many. How do you use your vote? Do you use it frivolously on politicians who do nothing but promise you goodies? Do you squander it through misuse? What, exactly, is your vote worth to you?
We face a dark time in the history of this country; this planet, even. A terror from the past has arisen to threaten western civilization once more. The rise of militant Islam is threatening to drag us back into a new dark age, where the fires of freedom are extinguished and replaced by the black heart of Allah. Where non-believers are treated as cattle, women are treated as sub-human, and even music is a capital offense. This darkness is growing in intensity, as Muslim terrorists attack on a world wide front, in Brittan, Israel, Spain, Iraq, Bali, Turkey, Egypt, France, Indonesia, Russia, India, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, and even here in America, as on 9/11. These people don’t hate us for our money, for our material excesses, for our foreign policy blunders, or even for our mighty military. They hate us for who we are, and what we believe. They hate us for our very freedom of choice, which flies in the face of their prophet, Muhammad, who said that all must bow before Allah and follow the teachings of the Koran. We are given the choice: submit or die. Even the name Islam means submission. They will not negotiate on this. There can be no peaceful co-existence with these extremists. The very concept of “live and let live” is western, and completely alien to them. They have drug us into this war in which we now find ourselves, and they will fight us until either we or they emerge victorious. There can be no middle ground.
Yet, in this time of danger, one of this country’s two major political parties has found itself in the unenviable position of being the sole voice of reason in confronting this threat. The Republican Party has had to bear the burden of leading us in this fight. The Democratic Party has done nothing but sit on the sidelines, criticizing and blocking every effort to defend this country. They have protested every military action against the enemy. They have attempted to block even the most prudent of security measures, presented in earnest to protect our populace. They have seen fit to degrade our ability to gain intelligence about the enemy’s dispositions, even going so far as to attempt to protect prisoners of war, who were confirmed enemy combatants, from interrogation. They have even, through their surrogates in the media, provided aid and comfort to the enemy by highlighting our mistakes while ignoring our enemy’s atrocities, refusing to report war news that would support our troops and provide encouragement for the civilian populace, leaking classified information in public venues that the enemy has access to, and distorting the facts on the ground in order to obtain the merest of political advantages.
These people CANNOT be put in charge of this country. We can’t reward their behavior with access to power. What would these people do if they had control of the House or Senate? They refuse to acknowledge that we are facing a war on multiple fronts. They insist on treating each front as its own separate conflict, which gives the enemy the advantage. They believe that our President is the real threat, not the enemy. They’ve already said many times that one of their first orders of business if they win the majority will be to begin impeachment proceedings against the President. Can you imagine the chaos that will ensue if we have to deal with frivolous impeachment proceedings, and all the accompanying investigations, while trying to fight a world war? This cannot be allowed to happen.If you are a Republican get out there and vote. The future of our country, our very civilization, may depend upon it.

Sunday, November 5, 2006

Breaking News: Saddam Sentenced To Death

Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha!

Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha!

Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha!

Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha!

Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha!

Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha!

Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha!

Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha!


Ah, man, ah, man.

Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha!

Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha!

Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha!

Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha!

Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha!

Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha!

Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha!

Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Bwaaaa-hahahahahahaha!

Friday, November 3, 2006

Fair Warning

If the Donks manage to seize control of the house on Tuesday, the new chairman of the House Sub-Committee on National Security will be Dennis Kucinich (D-Zebulon B).

Please vote Republican. Do it for the children.

As much as I would like to personally shoot a whole bunch of terrorists, I’d rather do it in Iraq than in my own front yard. Or yours.

We Didn't Do It! You Can't Prove A Thing!

The editors of Castro Burn In Hell vehemently deny the vicious allegations that we have stolen 12 smartcards from voting machines in Tennessee in order to throw the election. Just because we would do anything to keep that beggars army of liberals from taking control of the government this Tuesday, doesn't mean we did THAT. Although we would have if we could have.

Overfishing May Harm Seafood Population

According to a team of economists and ecologists, the populations of just about all seafood face collapse by 2048. Now, if we can just drive all the mayonnaise trees to extinction, I'll be set.

Radio Host Fired Over Candidate Insult

Massachusetts radio host John DePetro was fired today for calling some fat lesbian a "fat lesbian". DePetro later released a statement in his defense, saying "I don't understand why they fired ME for it. It's not my fault that raging bull dyke is such a fat-assed whore."

Wednesday, November 1, 2006

10 Shot At San Francisco Halloween Party

10 people were shot last night at a Halloween Party in San Francisco’s Castro District (which will also burn in hell). The shootings appeared to be gang related, although no arrests have been made at this time. Clearly this is a failure of leadership on the part of this area’s representative, Nancy Pelosi, who should resign immediately. With the body count rising every day, when will our leaders admit that our San Francisco policy is an abject failure that has trapped us in a quagmire for which there is no hope of victory. It is time we redeploy our troops away from the San Francisco Bay area, to somewhere safer, say Okinawa. This will put our resources in a much better position to respond to trouble in adjacent San Jose should it be necessary to do so.

Bin Laden Double Arrested In Maine

One of Osama bin Laden’s many doubles was arrested in Maine yesterday while attempting to carry out a suicide terrorist attack using a toy AK-47 and fake dynamite. He was later charged with criminal threatening and generally behaving more retarded than those US soldiers that Senator John Kerry (D-Nazichusetts) keeps going on about.

Ignorant Troops Send Out SOS

Disadvantaged, uneducated US soldiers are seen here sending out an emergency call for help from Senator John F’n Kerry (D-Nazichusettes).