The disease known as cancer is currently in the fight of its life, as it attempts to escape it’s most deadly foe: Former Tennessee Senator Fred Thompson. “It was a case of mistaken identity,” stated the cancer in an interview. “I thought I was just infecting some old guy. I had no idea what I was getting in to.” Cancer has recently checked itself into John Hopkins, in an effort to battle its condition, but clearly, it has its work cut out for it. Fred Thompson is one of the fiercest creatures in the animal kingdom, and has no known predators. Symptoms of Fred Thompson include listlessness, headache, and moments of extreme terror, followed by the onset Rapid and Painful Death Syndrome (RPDS). “Every day is a struggle, but I’m hoping I can make it through this,” cancer stated.
Senator Thompson was out of the country single handedly destroying an al-Qaeda training camp with his bare hands, and was unavailable for comment.