Democrat Operatives Vie To Commit Suicide

Democrat operatives are busy biting off more than they can possibly chew in Nashville this week, as they attempt to gather dirt on future Presidential candidate Fred Thompson. The operatives, who are awaiting identification by next of kin, have been searching through county records, primarily property records, in a desperate bid to defeat the future President. Their quarry, however, is not to be taken lightly. Fred Thompson once caused an opponent’s head to actually explode during a debate, just by glaring at him. Although it is a myth that Thompson invented the Thompson Sub-Machinegun, also known as the Tommy Gun, it is a documented fact that Thompson can wield a Tommy Gun in each hand and maintain a constant 1”MOA level of accuracy with each weapon, even while firing full auto.