I want a copy of the Koran written in Esperanto and autographed by Mohammad.
I want a PA system in my car so that I can loudly and publicly criticize other drivers.
I want a stereo that can pick up signals from extra-terrestrials.
I want my very own Senator.
I want a T-1000 that’s programmed to protect me at all costs.
I want James Bond and Superman to both go back to the way they were before they became gay.
I want an apology from Mahmoud Ahmadinejad for continually reminding me of Balki from “Perfect Strangers.”
I want a new season of “Futurama.” NOW!
I want a time machine so that I can go back in time and prevent Mayonnaise from ever being invented.
I want a written explanation why Nancy Grace and Greta Van Sustren have their own TV shows.
I want a 4 CPU Dual Core Xeon computer with 32 gigabytes of RAM, a 10 terabyte hard drive, a video card with 2 gigabytes of video memory, a 102 inch flat panel plasma monitor, a combination Blu-Ray/HD DVD+/-RW Dual Layer DVD burner, a wireless keyboard and mouse, and a 1.44 megabyte floppy drive, running Microsoft Windows 3.0 on top of DOS 3.3
I want a perfect condition 6.5mm Mannlicher-Carcano rifle autographed by John F. Kennedy and Lee Harvey Oswald.
I want a space based laser weapons system capable of vaporizing individual Democrats from orbit.
I want an iPod filled with every song William Shatner ever recorded, so that I can delete them all and replace them with anything else.
Lastly, I want a picture of Nancy Pelosi where she DOESN’T look like she just re-animated.
know I’m probably asking for a bit much with that last one, but what the hell, it’s Christmas.