A new report from the International Panel on Climate Change will attempt to justify the panel’s existence, sources indicate, thus adding to the Global Warming Hysteria© running rampant among the news media. The panel, which consists primarily of scientists whose grants are dependant on the existence of global warming, has revealed that global warming does indeed exist, and may lead to the following potential catastrophes:
Ice cubes in soft drinks may melt at an accelerated rate, causing a Cascading Watered-down Soda Syndrome (known as CWSS).
The increased carbon dioxide in the atmosphere will lead to increased plant growth and a resulting increase in planet-wide food production, thus making it easier to feed more people. This situation could have a calamitous effect on the number of available grants in the field of Overpopulation Research, which could potentially put large numbers of population alarmists out of work.
The polar ice caps may melt, raising sea-levels world-wide, thereby giving Senator Ted Kennedy a larger area in which to park his car.
Rapper Ice-T may be forced to change his name to Hot-T
As you can see, the potential for disaster from global warming is unprecedented, and therefore justifies any and all measures to stop it from occurring, up to and including the trampling of the rights of life, liberty and property of every person on this planet. With the obvious exception of the environmentally anointed, who are way to busy saving us all to be bothered with having to make the same sacrifices that they are asking of all of us. But we should do as they say anyway, because, after all, they do know best. They’re so much smarter and wiser than all of us, and they only have our best interests at heart, it’s only right that we just roll over and do as we’re told