Carter Denies Anti-Semitism

Ex-ex-President Jimmy Carter today denied claims that he is pro-Palestinian, anti-Israel, and anti-Semitic. “I’m not taking a side in this matter,“ stated Carter, while sucking the marrow from the femur of a small Jewish child at a Hamas charity luncheon he was attending. “I’m merely taking the course of action that seems the most reasonable to me. America needs to take a key role in suppressing the Israeli menace. I think if the United States won’t take that role on, then maybe the entire group of the so-called International Quartet, the United States, Russia, the United Nations, and the United — and the European Union — those four have written a road map which President Bush has endorsed enthusiastically,” he continued between bites. “And if they can implement their terms — by the way, on which the Palestinians have accepted 100 percent and the Israelis have rejected almost entirely — if the road map terms are accepted, then we can have peace in the Middle East.”