New Form Of Birth Control Discovered

Scientists working for Proctor and Gamble have discovered a new form of birth control that works visually, eliminating the need for any harsh and potentially unsafe chemicals. The new method, consisting solely of a picture of aging reporter Helen Thomas, was found to completely eliminate the reproductive impulse in mice, chimpanzees, and humans, regardless of gender. “It truly is an amazing discovery”, stated one project scientist. “This method not only inhibits reproduction for up to 48 hours, but can actually reduce sperm counts in the user by up to 75%, without any side effects.” The new method, currently named RU-7734, still has a major hurdle to overcome in the form of the FDA. “It may, in fact, be impossible to get method this through approval, as displaying un-retouched photos of Helen Thomas to humans has been classified as a war crime by the U.N. Commission on Human Rights, and has been roundly condemned by Amnesty International. So we could have a long hard fight ahead of us.”