Thursday, August 31, 2006

Pat Buchanan Snaps; Shoots Up Taco Bell

Former CNN commentator and would-be Republican Presidential candidate Patrick Buchanan went on a shooting spree at a local Taco Bell restaurant earlier today, killing 6 and injuring 20. "It was horrible!", one witness reported. "He just kept shooting and yelling 'Go back to Mexico, you damn spics!'. It was crazy. Especially since everyone in the place was white." Democratic National Commitee Chairman Howard Dean was quoted as saying, "This is just another example of the Republican culture of corruption. We let the conservatives get out of control with their hate mongering, and next thing you know, they're killing innocent women and minorities." Republican Party Chairman Ken Mehlman responded to this accusation by stating that Pat Buchanan is neither a Republican, nor a Conservative. "He wandered way off the reservation years ago. He can call himself a conservative, he call call himself Third Emperor of the Intergalactic Federation for all I care, it doesn't make it true. Come to think of it, I'm not sure what the hell he is. I'd also like to point out that if the victims of this tragic attack had been allowed to openly carry firearms, such as sub-machine guns and flame-throwers, this infortunate incident never would have happened. Probably."

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