Sunday, September 3, 2006
Al-Qaida Loses Yet Another No. 2 Man
The vaugely competent international terrorist organization known as Al-Qaida lost yet another second in command today in Iraq, a position that is getting harder and harder to fill for the beleaugered group. Hamed Jumaa Farid al-Saeedi, known as Abu Humam or Abu Rana, or Abu al-Saeedi, or Farid Jumaa, and occasionally as Aunt Jemima, but who we will simply refer to as Flounder in order to save space, was captured north of Baghdad a few days ago "along with another group of his aides and followers," Mouwafak al-Rubaie, who will be known as Butt-Munch, said. "I should have been suspicious," Flounder stated, " When they asked me to put on this red shirt, and had me beam down to the planet with both Kirk and Spock. I should have saw that one coming. At least I didn't get turned into a small styrofoam cube like the last guy."A senior coalition official told the Associated Press that coalition forces were involved in Flounder's arrest, although the official would not characterize what role they played, as he was far too busy poking at Flounder through the bars with a stick and laughing at him.